Customs and Traditions

Mother/Son Dance

So, my FMIL brought up to my FH that she wants a Mother/Son spotlight dance... FH said he doesn't care one way or the other, but I have honestly never seen this done at a wedding and find it odd... I guess I just assumed he would dance with his mother later in the evening, just not as a spotlight dance. Aside from me thinking it to be odd, I also think it could/will take up just a lot of time and add to the "boring" part of the wedding; we are not being very traditional and want a fun and upbeat atmosphere. I feel like more spotlight dances would just be... blah. Is that bad of me? I didn't even know they were a thing until she asked.

Re: Mother/Son Dance

  • They're a little bit boring, but they are a thing, at least in my region (Northeast). I would do a minute and half of a song for father/daughter dance, and a minute and a half of a song for a mother/son dance and have them back to back. Basically, there will be two spotlight dances. A first dance and a parent dance, the parent dance first half will be father/daughter, and second half will be mother/son.
    charlotte989875eileenrobInLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    So, my FMIL brought up to my FH that she wants a Mother/Son spotlight dance... FH said he doesn't care one way or the other, but I have honestly never seen this done at a wedding and find it odd... I guess I just assumed he would dance with his mother later in the evening, just not as a spotlight dance. Aside from me thinking it to be odd, I also think it could/will take up just a lot of time and add to the "boring" part of the wedding; we are not being very traditional and want a fun and upbeat atmosphere. I feel like more spotlight dances would just be... blah. Is that bad of me? I didn't even know they were a thing until she asked.
    I've seen a mother/son, father/daughter spotlight dance at almost every wedding I've been to. They're pretty common. Yeah, all spotlight dances are a bit boring, but if you shorten the song (no one wants to sit through multiple 5 min songs), they're not so bad. 

    If your MIL is contributing to the wedding, I would definitely give this one to her. It will be a short blip in the day and you will barely notice in the end. 


    image
    holyguacamole79InLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • She actually is not contributing anything to the wedding, and she has made this whole planning time period pretty bad for us, to say the least.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She actually is not contributing anything to the wedding, and she has made this whole planning time period pretty bad for us, to say the least.
    I can understand your not wanting to make any concessions to your FMIL under the circumstances, but I think I would let your FI decide whether or not there is a mother/son dance. If he doesn't want to do this, then you can put your feet down together, but if he does, I'd probably let this one go just because it wouldn't be my hill to die on. But that's me-if you think she's likely to try to use it for further leverage over the plans, then I think you and your FI should decide together where to set a boundary and firmly enforce it.
  • If you have a good relationship with your father/father figure, I'd do a combo father/daughter, mother/son dance, which is what we did at ours.  H even made a slideshow to play in the background, with pics of us growing up, and our parents loved it.  I agree with others though that if you and/or FI are vehemently against this, have FI tell her no (blood talks to blood-don't get involved in this yourself, or she'll make you out to be the bad guy), but in the grand scheme of things a parent dance will not make or break your wedding.
    charlotte989875
  • Mother/son dances are as common as father/daughter dances in my experience.  My H danced w his stepmother while I danced w my father...this may be a good solution for you guys, since you’re concerned about an additional dance adding to the “boring” part.  I didn’t want our guests being held captive for an extra song either- sharing the spotlight dance is a good solution.
    charlotte989875
  • Are you having a father daughter dance?
    eileenrobsparklepants41
  • I totally get the suggestions to share the dance with mine and my father's will eliminate the extra time, but I just don't want to share that moment with her. She has truly been horrific to us through the planning process. Any relationship we could have had is out the window with what she has done to us. I tried to make amends, forgive and forget, but it just got so horrible. I didn't want this post to be about this, though, I basically was hoping for people to agree that it's just not as traditional as a father/daughter dance, and to let my FH and FMIL dance to a special song later in the evening but not as a spotlight dance (because a big part of me just doesn't want her to have a special moment on our wedding day, the day she has tried to ruin in so many ways). I basically just wanted my own thoughts backed up so I could say "See, this isn't weird, lots of people agree!"  
  • I totally get the suggestions to share the dance with mine and my father's will eliminate the extra time, but I just don't want to share that moment with her. She has truly been horrific to us through the planning process. Any relationship we could have had is out the window with what she has done to us. I tried to make amends, forgive and forget, but it just got so horrible. I didn't want this post to be about this, though, I basically was hoping for people to agree that it's just not as traditional as a father/daughter dance, and to let my FH and FMIL dance to a special song later in the evening but not as a spotlight dance (because a big part of me just doesn't want her to have a special moment on our wedding day, the day she has tried to ruin in so many ways). I basically just wanted my own thoughts backed up so I could say "See, this isn't weird, lots of people agree!"  
    What does your FI want to do? If he wants to dance with his mother you need to drop this and let it go. Yes, even if she's horrible. If he doesn't want to do it then he needs to tell her, not you. 

    Sounds like you have a lot of animosity toward your FMIL. Maybe it's warranted, maybe it's not, but it sounds like she's in your lives (or at least in your FI's life). It also sounds like you want to say no just to be spiteful, which is in all likelihood only going to make the relationship with her worse. 
    InLoveInQueenslovesclimbingMairePoppyjustsie
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Look - I don't doubt that your MIL to be can be a pain.  But PLEASE do not use your wedding as a punishment/reward system.   It will hurt your FMIL but more importantly, it can hurt your FI/DH and the entire relationship that you have with one another.  

    fddg



    Anniversary
    eileenrob
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards