Chit Chat

Aaa

edited February 14 in Chit Chat

Re: Aaa

  • Why doesn’t Your FI care? That’s what would worry me. 
    InLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1.) No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. Also, planning a wedding just isn't that interesting. If one of your friends came up to you wanting to discuss the ins and outs of types of favours to a party being thrown in six months you wouldn't be that interested. 

    2.) Why isn't your fi interested? That would concern me as well. And it doesn't bode well for how you handle things in the future. I wasn't interested in sorting all the wedding paperwork, but I still did it because we needed to if we wanted to get married.You two need to sit down and divide the chores that need to be done. Can he manage sorting the band/DJ options? Can he organise the officiant and paperwork? If he still doesn't want to help plan, then is either a.) a complete man child or b.) he doesn't really want to be married.  Either way, he needs to step up or you are in for a lifetime of having to nag him to be a team player. Being married is about being a team, and stepping up when your partner says "I need your help and this is important for us" even if you really don't want to do it. 

    3.) Feel free to ask for opinions and questions on these boards. A lot of us are planning weddings or were recently married. Seriously, these boards helped me SO much in my planning. 
    InLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • I know that my expectations for what being engaged would be like was too high. However, I can’t help but feel super lonely. I’ve always been the type to dream about my wedding and how much fun planning it with would be. No one cares. My fiancé doesn’t care about planning AT ALL. I feel like I’m talking to a wall when I talk about our wedding to him. My twin sister/ MOH lives 10 hours away and is busy. My “best friends” don’t care or even try to help. Instead they keep talking about what their wedding is going to be like and they’re not even engaged lmao.It’s not even that I need help mecessarily  but I just want to share the fun aspects of the planning process with someone. Tbh it’s super frustrating because it’s sucking the fun out of being engaged. I just feel super lonely. Have any of you experienced the same thing? I want to meet new friends but I don’t know how lol. 
    I get it; if you're friends just weren't into wedding planning that would be one thing, but they keep talking about what they would do in their hypothetical-someday-weddings. PPs are right though that no one else is going to be as in to your wedding planning as you. And I agree I'd be a little concerned your FI doesn't care at all about planning. It's his wedding to. He doesn't have to be jazz hands excited about every aspect of planning, but he also shouldn't be completely hands off about everything. 

    I agree that it's on you and your FI to plan the wedding, but it is nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of, to ask questions, or whatever. If your friends aren't interested, what about your mother, or your FMIL? They also don't have to be involved, but maybe they want to? 

    Finally, stick around here! We're all clearly into weddings, so we'll be super excited with you. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Welcome to the forum!

    Your FI's lack of interest in the plans raises a red flag. I think you need to tell him that being expected to make all the plans on your own with no help from him is draining you, and that he will lose his right to complain later about anything for which he doesn't contribute at least his opinion. It also doesn't bode well for your future life together that he isn't helping with the first big event of your life as a couple.

    But it is true that no one else will be as excited about your wedding as you (and hopefully your FI). Your friends may also just not be as interested in planning a wedding that isn't theirs. I'm sorry that you are having to carry the whole load by yourself.
    InLoveInQueensernursej
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @short+sassy, not having interest in details here and there is not a red flag, but I think a complete lack of interest is. If he offers no help whatsoever and never issues even one opinion, I think that's a problem.
  • edited February 14
    We DID pick a date and a venue and he has made sacrifices to afford it. He DOES want to get married. He just wants me to do all the work that involves planning. 
  • What I've found about wedding planning so far (and that no one tells you), is that there's a flurry of excitement in the beginning - omg you're engaged! What's the date? Where will the wedding be? What kind of wedding? and you're picking all of the big picture vendors - the venue, the caterer, the music, and then there's dead time for a long time (length will depend on your engagement) where no one really knows what to ask or isn't all that interested, and there's not all that much to....you know....do, and then (I expect) it picks back up when you send out invites and start receiving RSVPs and have to hammer out details, and that's when it gets stressful. A lot of brides will come on here in that middle time and be like, "no one is interested in my wedding!", and I think part of this is that there's no sense of reality with wedding planning. A lot of engagements are around a year or more long, and there's a lot of stuff that needs to be booked far out, and then there's a lot of stuff that can't be done until you're right on top of it.

    Personally, I'm in that middle dead-time. My wedding is over a year away, and my life schedule works out so that I have a lot of free time now, the 10-4 months leading up to my wedding I will be BUSY AF, and then I will have more free time again (hopefully), so I'm working on planning now and I just decided on my last vendor. I now have pretty much everything booked. My engagement photos are scheduled (but not like, tomorrow). My FI absolutely wants to get married, and is interested in some things, but he's not interested in talking wedding all the time, or even often, which is fine. There's just not that much to do right now, and it can be kind of strange feeling - a little lonely. It's not anyone's fault, it's just kind of the nature of the beast.
    short+sassyeileenrobahoywedding
  • edited February 14

    Truth be told this is more about my friends than him. He wants to get married but he doesn’t care about the wedding planning process. To him anything is fine. It’s more about my friends because I do think less of them. I think less of them because when I do talk about my wedding it feels like the conversation turns into their hypothetical weddings lol. Also I think that one of my best friends is bitter that I didn’t make her my MOH because she always says that she would make me hers. I talked to her about why I didn’t. The reason being that I have a twin sister and she always felt like she should be it. I also couldn’t have 2 because I have another best friend and 3 would be way too many.  She also constantly says that I’m going to plan her wedding for her. The other week she texted me to send her venues for her wedding and she isn’t even engaged and she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year. It’s rediculous how I’m expected to be excited for these people when it happens to them and I KNOW that they’re all going to have me help. I like planning and they know that but this is my time not theres and they’re not helping the way that they would expect me to help. I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. I honestly think that the problem is that they’re very selfish. For an example to explain how it’s not just me: when I was preparring ready for my engagement party I didn’t ask anyone for help or anythig. However, I told them what I was doing and  my sister and cousin wanted to go to a club instead. My aunt yelled at them and told them that they’re selfish and that they need to offer me help because I would do that for them. I really wasn’t upset about them not helping with that but it is true that I would do that for them wihout being asked to do it. 

    Also I really don’t care that they didn’t do things like see my venue or anything. I REALLY don’t. I just care that there is all this talk about their weddings that aren’t even happening instead and that I know what they expect me to do with their wedding is way more than what they’re doing with my own. I also know that some of it is out of bitterness about the MOH scenario because I said to her well you need to help me with mine too then when she said that I’m going to plan her wedding for her and she said no I don’t because I’m not your MOH. It’s very rude to me. It makes me bitter because I know that the other bridesmaid who always talks about her hypothetical wedding really migt get engaged soon and it makes me not want to be excited for her when i’m expected to be

    MairePoppy said:
    To you, your wedding is huge milestone event. To everyone else, it's a big party.

    Your fi should have equal say with you in the ceremony and reception venues. If you have made major decisions without him, he may regard this as your party. He may get more interested in the wedding planning if you figure out some aspect that appeals to him and let him run with it. Could he research DJs and make a playlist? When it's time, he can choose attire for his gm. 

    You put best friends in italics. Do you think less of your friends because they aren't as excited about your wedding as you are. Truthfully, they aren't required to help with your planning. They will probably take more interest in things that directly involve them, such as bm dresses. When is your wedding? They will probably be more interested when you're a month or two out than they are a year away. When you talk to your friends, is it all wedding talk? That can wear thin after awhile.

    We like talking about weddings. You're welcome to hang out here.

    Congratulations on your engagement!


  • edited February 14
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 14

    Truth be told this is more about my friends than him. He wants to get married but he doesn’t care about the wedding planning process. To him anything is fine. It’s more about my friends because I do think less of them. I think less of them because when I do talk about my wedding it feels like the conversation turns into their hypothetical weddings lol. Also I think that one of my best friends is bitter that I didn’t make her my MOH because she always says that she would make me hers. I talked to her about why I didn’t. The reason being that I have a twin sister and she always felt like she should be it. I also couldn’t have 2 because I have another best friend and 3 would be way too many.  She also constantly says that I’m going to plan her wedding for her. The other week she texted me to send her venues for her wedding and she isn’t even engaged and she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year. It’s rediculous how I’m expected to be excited for these people when it happens to them and I KNOW that they’re all going to have me help. I like planning and they know that but this is my time not theres and they’re not helping the way that they would expect me to help. I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. I honestly think that the problem is that they’re very selfish. For an example to explain how it’s not just me: when I was preparring ready for my engagement party I didn’t ask anyone for help or anythig. However, I told them what I was doing and  my sister and cousin wanted to go to a club instead. My aunt yelled at them and told them that they’re selfish and that they need to offer me help because I would do that for them.


    MairePoppy said:
    To you, your wedding is huge milestone event. To everyone else, it's a big party.

    Your fi should have equal say with you in the ceremony and reception venues. If you have made major decisions without him, he may regard this as your party. He may get more interested in the wedding planning if you figure out some aspect that appeals to him and let him run with it. Could he research DJs and make a playlist? When it's time, he can choose attire for his gm. 

    You put best friends in italics. Do you think less of your friends because they aren't as excited about your wedding as you are. Truthfully, they aren't required to help with your planning. They will probably take more interest in things that directly involve them, such as bm dresses. When is your wedding? They will probably be more interested when you're a month or two out than they are a year away. When you talk to your friends, is it all wedding talk? That can wear thin after awhile.

    We like talking about weddings. You're welcome to hang out here.

    Congratulations on your engagement!




    I saw on another post from Jan 2016 that you are getting married in July 2019.  I have a serious question for you and I am not trying to be rude:  Have you been talking about your wedding with your friends and fiance for the past two years while you still have a year and a half to plan?  If the answer is "yes", I understand why your fiance and friends have become disinterested in the topic.  That is just waaaaaay too much wedding talk for most people.  Like PPs have said, you are going to be more interested in your wedding than anyone else.  If I were your friend, I would want to change the subject too (especially if I have been entertaining this topic for 2 years and still have 1 1/2 years to go). 

    I think your reply in the above is the first paragraph and to what you said there, I have a comment: Literally no one went to see my wedding venue except myself and my husband.  I showed people pics of it if they asked but I never once expected anyone to take time out of their schedule to see the venue in advance.  That seems like a bit much to expect your friends to do that.  

    Edited:  I misread the other post - it was from Jan 16, 2018, not Jan 2016.  However, it still looks like you have been planning since at least May 2017.  The topic of someone's wedding gets old and you are expecting friends to remain interested in it for years.  Give your friends a break from talking about your wedding unless they ask about it.

    short+sassyeileenrobInLoveInQueens
  • Ro041 said:

    Truth be told this is more about my friends than him. He wants to get married but he doesn’t care about the wedding planning process. To him anything is fine. It’s more about my friends because I do think less of them. I think less of them because when I do talk about my wedding it feels like the conversation turns into their hypothetical weddings lol. Also I think that one of my best friends is bitter that I didn’t make her my MOH because she always says that she would make me hers. I talked to her about why I didn’t. The reason being that I have a twin sister and she always felt like she should be it. I also couldn’t have 2 because I have another best friend and 3 would be way too many.  She also constantly says that I’m going to plan her wedding for her. The other week she texted me to send her venues for her wedding and she isn’t even engaged and she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year. It’s rediculous how I’m expected to be excited for these people when it happens to them and I KNOW that they’re all going to have me help. I like planning and they know that but this is my time not theres and they’re not helping the way that they would expect me to help. I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. I honestly think that the problem is that they’re very selfish. For an example to explain how it’s not just me: when I was preparring ready for my engagement party I didn’t ask anyone for help or anythig. However, I told them what I was doing and  my sister and cousin wanted to go to a club instead. My aunt yelled at them and told them that they’re selfish and that they need to offer me help because I would do that for them.


    MairePoppy said:
    To you, your wedding is huge milestone event. To everyone else, it's a big party.

    Your fi should have equal say with you in the ceremony and reception venues. If you have made major decisions without him, he may regard this as your party. He may get more interested in the wedding planning if you figure out some aspect that appeals to him and let him run with it. Could he research DJs and make a playlist? When it's time, he can choose attire for his gm. 

    You put best friends in italics. Do you think less of your friends because they aren't as excited about your wedding as you are. Truthfully, they aren't required to help with your planning. They will probably take more interest in things that directly involve them, such as bm dresses. When is your wedding? They will probably be more interested when you're a month or two out than they are a year away. When you talk to your friends, is it all wedding talk? That can wear thin after awhile.

    We like talking about weddings. You're welcome to hang out here.

    Congratulations on your engagement!




    You did not read what I said there correctly. I said that I DON’T care that they didn’t see it. I just think it is hypocritical that I’m expected to that for them. Also I jusr started REALLY planning

    I saw on another post from Jan 2016 that you are getting married in July 2019.  I have a serious question for you and I am not trying to be rude:  Have you been talking about your wedding with your friends and fiance for the past two years while you still have a year and a half to plan?  If the answer is "yes", I understand why your fiance and friends have become disinterested in the topic.  That is just waaaaaay too much wedding talk for most people.  Like PPs have said, you are going to be more interested in your wedding than anyone else.  If I were your friend, I would want to change the subject too (especially if I have been entertaining this topic for 2 years and still have 1 1/2 years to go). 

    I think your reply in the above is the first paragraph and to what you said there, I have a comment: Literally no one went to see my wedding venue except myself and my husband.  I showed people pics of it if they asked but I never once expected anyone to take time out of their schedule to see the venue in advance.  That seems like a bit much to expect your friends to do that.  

    Edited:  I misread the other post - it was from Jan 16, 2018, not Jan 2016.  However, it still looks like you have been planning since at least May 2017.  The topic of someone's wedding gets old and you are expecting friends to remain interested in it for years.  Give your friends a break from talking about your wedding unless they ask about it.


  • I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. 


    You have been quoted so there is no sense in DDing your post.  

    I misread your wedding planning timeline, but I know I didn't misread what you said, above.  You said, "they didn't even come see [your venue]" like that would ever be an expectation for any friend ever.  I stand by my suggestion that you go easy on your friends and stop bringing up the wedding unless they specifically ask about it.

    eileenrob
  • No point deleting your posts, you’ve been quoted. You have unreasonable expectations of your friends.  Why do they have to go see your venue? Why were they supposed to help you with engagement party?  And if they’re not allowed to think/talk about their hypothetical weddings someday, you shouldn’t be worried about having to help them with these weddings.
    MissKittyDanger
  • When I was planning my wedding this is how convos would go:

    Friend:  How is planning going?
    Me:  pretty good.  We just booked [insert vendor booked.]   We are thinking about [insert vendor we are considering at the moment.]
    Friend:  Ohh that sounds like it is going to be awesome!
    Me:  Yeah, I am pretty excited about it.  How is work going?
    Friend: Well you know how I told you about.....

    And that was it.  I didn't expect my friends to listen to every hair-brained idea I thought of or came across (ice cream cart?  Let me see if we can make that work.  Caricature artist?  We booked one and it was AWESOME).  

    eileenrobcharlotte989875
  • edited February 14

    I thought that I added that I didn’t care about that part but I guess I didn’t. Either way you did take what I said out of context. I didn’t even invite anyone to come see it. I was saying how they’re asking me to send venues for them and do all of these things for it. When the same expectation or effort was there. I could care less about people coming to see it. You’re completely mis interepreting what I’m saying


    Ro041 said:

    I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. 


    You have been quoted so there is no sense in DDing your post.  

    I misread your wedding planning timeline, but I know I didn't misread what you said, above.  You said, "they didn't even come see [your venue]" like that would ever be an expectation for any friend ever.  I stand by my suggestion that you go easy on your friends and stop bringing up the wedding unless they specifically ask about it.


  • Like I just said to her I don’t want them tocome see my venue. I never invited them to come. I said that it’s one sided because I’m expected to do that for them. I erased my post because I didn’t want to continue this conversation. This was something that I posted last night after being upset about something that happened and frankley I was over it. But you’re just completely misintereptinf what I was saying and my points about how people have different expectations when it’s them



    eileenrob said:
    No point deleting your posts, you’ve been quoted. You have unreasonable expectations of your friends.  Why do they have to go see your venue? Why were they supposed to help you with engagement party?  And if they’re not allowed to think/talk about their hypothetical weddings someday, you shouldn’t be worried about having to help them with these weddings.

  • Also no I’m not constantly talking about my wedding. My point was how they talk about there hypotethical wedding and their hair-brained details more than mine is ever really mentioned. The reason I posted on here to begin with was because I didn’t like bringing it up to them since they didn’t seem interested. If I was talking to them about it all of the time I wouldn’t feel the need to talk about it on here...


    Ro041 said:
    When I was planning my wedding this is how convos would go:

    Friend:  How is planning going?
    Me:  pretty good.  We just booked [insert vendor booked.]   We are thinking about [insert vendor we are considering at the moment.]
    Friend:  Ohh that sounds like it is going to be awesome!
    Me:  Yeah, I am pretty excited about it.  How is work going?
    Friend: Well you know how I told you about.....

    And that was it.  I didn't expect my friends to listen to every hair-brained idea I thought of or came across (ice cream cart?  Let me see if we can make that work.  Caricature artist?  We booked one and it was AWESOME).  

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I get why you're annoyed, but maybe people think you're just really into weddings. If you've been wedding this, wedding that for the last several months, it's possible that they're bringing up stuff about their hypothetical weddings and making jokes about you planning their weddings because they think you like planning weddings, not because they think you like planning your wedding specifically. It could just be an incorrect assumption, not that they think their plans should be listened to and yours don't deserve to be.

    I don't know what the nonsense was about the club, but I can see where people would like to do what they want on their own time rather than do whatever was involved with "preparing for your engagement party." (You shouldn't have been involved much in throwing your own engagement party, so I can only assume you meant picking out your clothes.)

    You're choosing examples (like the venue one) which people are latching onto because they indicate that you expect people to have some level of interest in things that they really shouldn't have to care about. Again, maybe since you seem so into venues, your friend thought you might like to look through some more or give her some expert tips, not that she was trying to use you.

    Anniversary

    eileenrobInLoveInQueens

  • I thought that I added that I didn’t care about that part but I guess I didn’t. Either way you did take what I said out of context. I didn’t even invite anyone to come see it. I was saying how they’re asking me to send venues for them and do all of these things for it. When the same expectation or effort was there. I could care less about people coming to see it. You’re completely mis interepreting what I’m saying



    Like I just said to her I don’t want them tocome see my venue. I never invited them to come. I said that it’s one sided because I’m expected to do that for them. I erased my post because I didn’t want to continue this conversation. This was something that I posted last night after being upset about something that happened and frankley I was over it. But you’re just completely misintereptinf what I was saying and my points about how people have different expectations when it’s them




    Asking a friend to send you a venue recommendation =/= asking a friend to go with you to a venue.  Those are two completely different things.  Is your friend asking you to find her venues, schedule appointments and go with her to see them?  If not, I still fail to see how asking a friend for cool venues they have come across is such a terrible question.  

    Btw - commenting below what you are quoting will make your responses less confusing.

  • edited February 14
    Ro041 said:

    I thought that I added that I didn’t care about that part but I guess I didn’t. Either way you did take what I said out of context. I didn’t even invite anyone to come see it. I was saying how they’re asking me to send venues for them and do all of these things for it. When the same expectation or effort was there. I could care less about people coming to see it. You’re completely mis interepreting what I’m saying



    Like I just said to her I don’t want them tocome see my venue. I never invited them to come. I said that it’s one sided because I’m expected to do that for them. I erased my post because I didn’t want to continue this conversation. This was something that I posted last night after being upset about something that happened and frankley I was over it. But you’re just completely misintereptinf what I was saying and my points about how people have different expectations when it

    Asking a friend to send you a venue recommendation =/= asking a friend to go with you to a venue.  Those are two completely different things.  Is your friend asking you to find her venues, schedule appointments and go with her to see them?  If not, I still fail to see how asking a friend for cool venues they have come across is such a terrible question.  

    Btw - commenting below what you are quoting will make your responses less confusing.

    Yes. I would show the conversation if that wasn’t so violating. I understand that I didn’t fully explain it but yes she said how she wants me to come to pick out her venues, tour it and come to all of the appointments with her. Whatever I’m honestly over it anyway. I only wrote here because I was having a moment last night and that’s all it was. Also I would love to help in anyway that I could. It was just annoying me that like I said in the other post how she said she doesn’t have to help me and that I have to help her because of the MOH thing. It just seemed like there was a lot of unfair tension.

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can tell you are very frustrated by the situation, but there is no need to act defensively. This is a board of people who LOVE to talk about weddings. An incredibly supportive board filled with people with wonderful ideas. I understand you are hurt by your friends, but don't push away people who are trying to help as well. 
    MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    BTW, if they do have expectations of your help when they do get engaged (which would be hypocrisy if you didn't also have them), you can and should just say no if you're not interested in helping your friends with their weddings. Not as a spiteful thing, but just to avoid the martyr complex you might otherwise pick up. "No, sorry, I won't have time for that/I have other plans."

    You really can't be annoyed that they're not doing things they don't have any obligation to do just because "you would do it for them," as your aunt said. You're free to offer or not offer help. They are also free.

    Anniversary

    charlotte989875
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Truth be told this is more about my friends than him. He wants to get married but he doesn’t care about the wedding planning process. To him anything is fine. It’s more about my friends because I do think less of them. I think less of them because when I do talk about my wedding it feels like the conversation turns into their hypothetical weddings lol. Also I think that one of my best friends is bitter that I didn’t make her my MOH because she always says that she would make me hers. I talked to her about why I didn’t. The reason being that I have a twin sister and she always felt like she should be it. I also couldn’t have 2 because I have another best friend and 3 would be way too many.  She also constantly says that I’m going to plan her wedding for her. The other week she texted me to send her venues for her wedding and she isn’t even engaged and she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year. It’s rediculous how I’m expected to be excited for these people when it happens to them and I KNOW that they’re all going to have me help. I like planning and they know that but this is my time not theres and they’re not helping the way that they would expect me to help. I already picked my venue and they didn’t even come see it. That really frustrates me because I don’t want to come off like a bridezilla by confronting them about how I feel. I also want people to help because thwy want to but instead we do more talk about their hypothetical weddings instead of my own. I honestly think that the problem is that they’re very selfish. For an example to explain how it’s not just me: when I was preparring ready for my engagement party I didn’t ask anyone for help or anythig. However, I told them what I was doing and  my sister and cousin wanted to go to a club instead. My aunt yelled at them and told them that they’re selfish and that they need to offer me help because I would do that for them. I really wasn’t upset about them not helping with that but it is true that I would do that for them wihout being asked to do it. 

    Also I really don’t care that they didn’t do things like see my venue or anything. I REALLY don’t. I just care that there is all this talk about their weddings that aren’t even happening instead and that I know what they expect me to do with their wedding is way more than what they’re doing with my own. I also know that some of it is out of bitterness about the MOH scenario because I said to her well you need to help me with mine too then when she said that I’m going to plan her wedding for her and she said no I don’t because I’m not your MOH. It’s very rude to me. It makes me bitter because I know that the other bridesmaid who always talks about her hypothetical wedding really migt get engaged soon and it makes me not want to be excited for her when i’m expected to be

    MairePoppy said:
    To you, your wedding is huge milestone event. To everyone else, it's a big party.

    Your fi should have equal say with you in the ceremony and reception venues. If you have made major decisions without him, he may regard this as your party. He may get more interested in the wedding planning if you figure out some aspect that appeals to him and let him run with it. Could he research DJs and make a playlist? When it's time, he can choose attire for his gm. 

    You put best friends in italics. Do you think less of your friends because they aren't as excited about your wedding as you are. Truthfully, they aren't required to help with your planning. They will probably take more interest in things that directly involve them, such as bm dresses. When is your wedding? They will probably be more interested when you're a month or two out than they are a year away. When you talk to your friends, is it all wedding talk? That can wear thin after awhile.

    We like talking about weddings. You're welcome to hang out here.

    Congratulations on your engagement!


    Oh no, I'm sorry you deleted your post. I thought you wanted to talk wedding and here we are, ready, willing and able. Don't be that way.

    Maybe your friends are trying to make suggestions for your wedding without being intrusive, by presenting ideas for what they would do for their weddings. After you listen to their ideas, present your own and ask for opinions. That's how conversations happen. These are good friends, don't let your wedding come between you.

    When I was married many, many years ago, my husband was only interested in the bar. He and my dad went booze shopping because we could bring in our own and my husband hired the bartender. He wanted to hire a band that he knew, so he took care of those details. We planned our honeymoon together. He didn't care about decor or colors or anything like that. I wasn't implying that your fi didn't want to get married, just that he doesn't care about the details, so find something he cares about. If you want him to be more active in planning, dial down your plans so he's not feeling overwhelmed. 
                
    charlotte989875
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    DeletedUser - Was it something we said?
                
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 14
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