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Wedding Woes

Sell the clothes on social media and donate the money?

Dear Prudence,

I live in a small and highly religious town. I’m ready to pass along clothing and gear from our two children, but I feel limited by the organizations that accept used children’s goods here: a secondhand store that resells items cheaply and a crisis pregnancy center, where they attempt to deceive and discourage women from having abortions. The pregnancy center is a big part of our community, and I know many moms who have used its services and donated supplies. Can I donate supplies to the center and tell myself that I’m supporting women who already have children, or would I still be supporting the center’s anti-choice efforts? (I can imagine the rooms of cute baby clothes are used to dissuade women from considering abortion.) Should I take my gear to the secondhand store? If I do donate to the pregnancy center, how can I avoid becoming enraged whenever I go there? For what it’s worth, I contacted a domestic violence organization one town over, but it had no suggestions for alternative options.
—Where to Go From Here?

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Re: Sell the clothes on social media and donate the money?

  • If you know of people who have benefited from the use of the pregnancy center then donate to it.   If you think you know people who can use your kids old clothes, donate there.

    Find the best place that makes the greatest amount of sense.  
    MissKittyDanger
  • Ask around for those who may need it, if no one then second hand store would be my best thought.
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
  • This sucks.  I think she wants validation in choosing to not support the center, even though she wants to support mothers who might need these things more than just someplace that will sell them.

    FWIW, I'd try and find a liberal church or a local FB group or homeless shelter and see if they could use it or the second hand shop.  There's no way I'd give it to the "pregnancy crisis shelter", b/c I'm heartily against those "crisis centers" for a multitude of reasons. 
    charlotte989875short+sassyknottiee98b04e619a81a64
  • Does LW’s small town not have a post office?  She can research organizations and when she finds her favorite, ship the kids’ stuff.  Although I don’t see what’s wrong with donating to the secondhand store she mentioned.
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875short+sassyJen4948
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    levioosaahoyweddingsparklepants41kimmiinthemitten
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 15
    Since she doesn't support the crisis pregnancy center (I'm in agreement with that), I would take the clothes to the secondhand store or donate or sell them online.
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    levioosaInLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    In addition, insurance only covers a few U/S (like 2 or 3). When these women are forced or "offered" an ultrasound even though they are not interested, it takes up one of their covered U/S, so if they decide they are continuing with the pregnancy, they will end up paying for a necessary U/S in the future out of pocket. So the crisis centers end up screwing everyone. They are awful and deceitful and terrible for women's heath. They have no business calling themselves "Women's Health Centers." 


    image
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensahoyweddingkimmiinthemitten
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    Yes. They are. Openly. 
    charlotte989875
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    Yes. They are. Openly. 
    Damn. I didn't know :( I was thinking they were a good organization.
    <a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2018-06-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
  • I agree with the PP who pointed out the LW just wants to justify not donating there.  Typically there are local "Free, Buy, Sell, Trade, Garage Sale" pages that she could just post it for free, or drive over to the town over and donate it someplace there.  "If you don't support the charity, don't donate to it!" It's not that hard!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @charlotte989875 and @levioosa, the info in y'all's posts are making me sad and angry.  I was not aware that such slices of evil existed.  Pushing an organization's political agenda onto women who might be confused, scared, and unsure.  Women who had turned to them for "help" and "information".

    I'm even good with a "Women's Center" that is transparent about their motives and doesn't lie.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 15

    @charlotte989875 and @levioosa, the info in y'all's posts are making me sad and angry.  I was not aware that such slices of evil existed.  Pushing an organization's political agenda onto women who might be confused, scared, and unsure.  Women who had turned to them for "help" and "information".

    I'm even good with a "Women's Center" that is transparent about their motives and doesn't lie.

    They often don't *seem* awful on the surface. Have you ever seen those bus ads with like a young woman in some kind of flower field and it says something like "Are you worried you might be pregnant? We can help!" in a calm pastel font? They'll usually offer a free pregnancy test, and then a barrage of anti-abortion information. Some of them give free diapers (like one box) or a little bit of free baby things to try to coerce women into keeping the baby, and they pretend like they'll be all supportive after it's born. One of them was notorious a few years back for sending birthday cards with red paint inside (to simulate blood) to women who had visited the center and ended up having an abortion, one year after what would have been their due date.  

    ETA: Also worth noting and rage-inducing: most of the changes the GOP has tried to implement around removing or restricting insurance coverage & funding at Planned Parenthood would keep funding going to these crapholes, or direct more money there. Because of course.
    charlotte989875STARMOON44InLoveInQueenskimmiinthemitten
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    This article popped up on my feed today. 

    https://www.mercurynews.com/2018/02/12/google-points-abortion-seekers-toward-anti-abortion-clinics/

    “The organization’s [RealOptions] CEO Valerie Hill acknowledged in an interview Tuesday that RealOptions pays Google for keywords including “abortion” and “pregnancy” and “unplanned pregnancy.” Purchased keywords call up ads when users search those words.”

    This caveat was included with the article by Naral. 

    “Some abortion providers have to go into Google Maps regularly and re-submit their hours, because anti-choice fake women’s health centers will submit online that legitimate clinics are closed for good.”


    image
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingsparklepants41
  • levioosa said:
    This article popped up on my feed today. 

    https://www.mercurynews.com/2018/02/12/google-points-abortion-seekers-toward-anti-abortion-clinics/

    “The organization’s [RealOptions] CEO Valerie Hill acknowledged in an interview Tuesday that RealOptions pays Google for keywords including “abortion” and “pregnancy” and “unplanned pregnancy.” Purchased keywords call up ads when users search those words.”

    This caveat was included with the article by Naral. 

    Some abortion providers have to go into Google Maps regularly and re-submit their hours, because anti-choice fake women’s health centers will submit online that legitimate clinics are closed for good.”
    We had to do this; every week we’d each check the hours and openings to make sure it was still listed as open. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:

    I know I'm preaching to the choir, but one of the things that drives me NUTS about the conservative Christian right...is they freak out and care SO MUCH about unborn, unwanted fetuses.  But the minute that baby is born and is a little human breathing on its own, it's f**k that baby.  Cut/eliminate all the social programs.  Let it starve.  Let it be homeless.  Let it die from illness.  Where did all of that "love" and "caring" go? 

    Let it get shot going to school because lord knows we can't do anything to stop children getting murdered in their classrooms. 
    This is one of the things that I find incredibly frustrating as someone who IS pro-life.

    I don't believe in unscrupulous tactics or trickery to get people to have babies, want all babies born to be cared for and here's a crazy idea - I don't want to bury my kids because someone armed with a weapon reserved for military and law enforcement (and never for hunting) used it to shoot my kids in the classroom.

    This isn't that hard and yet for some reason we can't it's not financially beneficial for our politicians, at all levels, to figure it out. 
    FTFY.  :/ 
    Yeah you're right.

    On a completely different topic I was talking to Chiquita yesterday because she asked about how people can get cancer.   We talked about how some cancers we just don't know why we get them but for others, we try to be healthy and not do things that can increase our risk of getting some cancers and it's among the reasons why neither I nor my DH smoke.  

    Talked a bit about what it means to smoke a cigarette, what they do to the lungs and how there's basically no redeeming quality to their existence.   And then she did it.   She asked, "Then why are they LEGAL?!?!?" 

    Good question kid.      Let's just keep making them more expensive.  
    mrsconn23kvrunskimmiinthemitten
  • Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    Birthright is a Catholic run organization in my city. They have billboards (which I've had successfully pulled down) put up and signage everywhere. 

    Personally, I have a couple of free FB sites that have moms that are needy that I give baby/kid stuff to. I would rather do this. 
    knottiee98b04e619a81a64
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