Etiquette

Gift showed up. Guest not invited

A (large) gift from our registry showed up at my fiancé's house (the address on our registry) and after searching he found who it came from. It is from one of his mom's friends who lives states away. 
This is fine except this person was not on the list that my FMIL gave me. 
We have not sent out invites yet but I am wondering since this person gave us a generous gift ($130) should we send them an invite?? We are getting a little low on invites and space. 
TIA 

(I will obviously send them a thank you either way)

 

Re: Gift showed up. Guest not invited

  • Just send a TY note.   There are probably plenty of people who may love your ILs or your FI who want to send a gift.   Send them the TY note and be gracious. 
    short+sassySP29
  • You don't owe them an invite just because they sent a gift, but you need to check with FMIL that she didn't issue them basically a verbal invitation and confirm with her that she's not telling people they're invited when they're not. If they sent the gift because FMIL basically told them to expect an invite, I think you should invite them and have a serious talk with FMIL. If they sent the gift just because, you're in the clear.
    short+sassyahoyweddingeileenrobMairePoppy
  • When your registry is public, anyone is free to send you a gift. Our dentist sent us a gift (we both have horrible teeth and thus give her quite a bit of business), one of my childhood friend's moms sent a gift, etc.

    Do double check with your FMIL that this friend wasn't verbally invited or somehow given the impression that she was invited. If not, you're in the clear. Just make sure to send a timely thank you!
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • You don't owe them an invite just because they sent a gift, but you need to check with FMIL that she didn't issue them basically a verbal invitation and confirm with her that she's not telling people they're invited when they're not. If they sent the gift because FMIL basically told them to expect an invite, I think you should invite them and have a serious talk with FMIL. If they sent the gift just because, you're in the clear.


    This would be my only concern.  If FMIL gave them a "verbal" invite.  If she did and you all don't want them invited, then SHE needs to express that to them and apologize.  Then, she should offer to send the gift back to them if that is their preference.

    However, it's also entirely possible that they know about the wedding and know/aren't sure that they will not be receiving an invitation.  But wanted to send a gift anyway because of their love/history/closeness with your FI's family.

    One of the most generous gifts I received was from longtime friends of the family who knew from when they got the verbal STD that they weren't going to be able to travel to the wedding.  Of course, we sent them an invite also.  I had a small wedding, but also received a few gifts from friends and friends of the family who sent them shortly before the wedding, so I'm assuming they knew they weren't invited.

    I've also occasionally given gifts to friends/family and coworkers I'm friendly with when they get married or have a baby, even if I'm not invited to a shower or the wedding.  Though they do tend to be more on the token "I'm thinking about you and wishing you well" side. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Not if you don't want to. I got gifts from a few of my parents' friends and also from co-workers. None were invited to the wedding.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    No you don't have to invite them to the wedding. Do check and make sure, as PPs have said, that FMIL hasn't verbally invited them. A good friend of mine sent DS1 and DIL a wedding gift even though she knew she wasn't invited. Some people just want to congratulate others on a life milestone.
    short+sassy
  • Thanks. I’m checking with her to make sure she’s didn’t accidentally leave them off the invite list she gave me. They also sent my fiancé’s sister who is pregnant a gift for the baby so I’m thinking it’s a “still thinking of your kids” gesture towards FMIL 

     

    MesmrEweMissKittyDanger
  • We got married when we were almost 40, and about 7 of FMIL's friends from "up north" sent us gifts because when THEIR kids got married in their 20's, FMIL and FFIL lived "up north" and went to the weddings and gave THEIR kids good gifts.  There was never any invitation/intention for those people to actually physically attend our wedding - they just think it's the "fair" thing to gift us since FMIL/FFIL gifted THEIR kids 20 years ago.
    short+sassycharlotte989875
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