I don't think you need to tell either one, but you should make a choice soon.
For the past two years, I have been involved with “Noah” long-distance. We were both reluctant to define our relationship—he never told me he loved me or called me his girlfriend, but he was otherwise caring and attentive. We never talked about monogamy, but neither of us slept with anyone else. Eventually I wanted something more serious. A month ago I met someone local, Ryan, who I really like, and finally ended things with Noah. Ryan’s fun, we enjoy sleeping together, and he’s brightened up my life. But now Noah has started messaging me again, telling me he was wrong and wants to get back together. We have been talking quite a bit and I feel that I do want to be with him in the long term. I have not discussed exclusivity with Ryan but right now I feel like I’m having an affair with both of them. Am I obligated to tell either about the other? Will it help to be honest, or will it just make things worse?
—A Bird in the Hand and One in the Bush