Wedding Woes

Weary from worry and wondering

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited March 8 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My partner is a musician in a nationally touring band. He goes on tour for two to four weeks every few months. I find myself feeling anxious, jealous, and even resentful while he’s away. I trust him completely, but I really dislike the constant late-night partying. I’ve tried to throw myself into new hobbies, activities, and plans with friends, but nothing seems to ease my troubled mind. I want to be supportive, but I can’t help feeling sad at home while he’s out having new adventures without me. How do I cope?

—Left Behind

Re: Weary from worry and wondering

  • Is it possible to meet the partner while they're on tour - even if it's only once - to reconnect? Or take vacation and go with?
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    That sucks. I'd feel jealous and even resentful too- I'd love to have adventures like that. FOMO. I think LW trying to make getaways to meet them is the best idea, considering they've tried other hobbies and activities and whatnot. 
    I wonder if they've spoken to their partner? Could the partner be more "adventurous" when they're home together- surprising them with nights out and whatnot?
    The only odd thing is they claim they trust but dislike the constant nights out- why? They're not waking you up at 3am. That doesn't sound like trust. 

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited March 8
    If you can't find a way to cope, there are really only two options here:

    1) Join the partner on tour (if invited) and partake in the adventures
    2) Break up

    Notice there is not an option to restrict his profession or become a jealous partner.

    Exactly. I'm almost comparing this to the brides who come here and say that X venue is PERFECT except for Y. Welp, then it's not perfect.

    LW can't (shouldn't) go on feeling like this, nor should she try to change him or what he does. LW's gotta move on, whether that's moving on from this relationship or finding a way to move on from these feelings.

    ETA: I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone who was gone for extended periods of time. I'm like LW in the sense that I worry for no reason and get all upset for no reason other than I'm nuts. H has been offered opportunities to make a lot of money traveling for work and he's declined.

  • To me, I don't think my SO being gone for 2-4 weeks every few months sounds bad at all.  But I can understand why others, ie the LW, would feel differently.

    Something else that caught my attention is she talks about "late night partying".  I'm reading into that phrase, but am wondering if it speaks to the LW being an 8-5 job kind of person.  While her SO, even when he is home, is performing at gigs and partying at night.  Now THAT, all rolled in together, should be either a dealbreaker for her or adjust her own lifestyle/job to the night and/or WFH.

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  • I'm curious how long they've been together. He's part of a nationally touring band; I'm not part of that industry but my guess is you play as long as you can. Maybe you'll be popular and have gigs for years, maybe not. If he's given her no reason not to trust him then this is something she definitely needs to work out on her own. 
  • I read this as: I don't trust my partner and suspect they're partaking of the stereotypical sex and drugs that accompany rock and roll.
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