Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

How much of your investment did you get back in gifts?

We've both been married so we financed this one ourselves. When ppl offered financial  help we declined. We tried to pass the word that we genuinely don't want ppls money. We want them to come celebrate. We didn't want the traditional wedding ppl are used to. We just wanted a party so everyone could share our day. Of course as expected ppl fave anyway. But this time around the gifts that did come in were about what we invested. We're not even 2 weeks out so I haven't done the math for our final cost and we went decently cheap for something formal for 100 ppl. I also don't count our honeymoon in wedding expenses since that's a vacation... but I'm seriously surprised. I'm gonna talk to my husband about using part of it for charity but I'm genuinely curious if Anyone else has had their entire investment come back.
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Re: How much of your investment did you get back in gifts?

  • mandi12mandi12
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments 5 Love Its
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    edited April 6
    Semantics. It's an investment in our new begining. Yes the goal isn't to produce a profit but there was a lot of time and effort "invested" as Well. I'd call THAT an investment.... the return was the experience and time with friends. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited April 6
    mandi12 said:
    We've both been married so we financed this one ourselves. When ppl offered financial  help we declined. We tried to pass the word that we genuinely don't want ppls money. We want them to come celebrate. We didn't want the traditional wedding ppl are used to. We just wanted a party so everyone could share our day. Of course as expected ppl fave anyway. But this time around the gifts that did come in were about what we invested. We're not even 2 weeks out so I haven't done the math for our final cost and we went decently cheap for something formal for 100 ppl. I also don't count our honeymoon in wedding expenses since that's a vacation... but I'm seriously surprised. I'm gonna talk to my husband about using part of it for charity but I'm genuinely curious if Anyone else has had their entire investment come back.
    This is one of the most shocking posts I have read on the Knot.  When you are planning a wedding, you may register for gifts you might like to receive, but you NEVER, EVER consider monetary value!  What a greedy couple!  Shame on you!  I hope you get a nice selection of monogrammed metal chickens.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875thisismynickname2
  • I don't really understand the question...so are you wondering what to do with the gift money? Invest it. Like an actual investment.
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    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensthisismynickname2
  • mandi12mandi12
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments 5 Love Its
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    An act of devoting time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result.

    So does that mean including a financial  investment in that definition makes me a horrible person?
    if were gonna get butthurt about wording then I probably shouldn't have asked. If I come across as greedy then I guess my entire point was lost. We invested a lot of time and money into a wedding that we wanted no financial return for. None. We told ppl don't get us stuff. On our registry portion of our website i explained the same. That we genuinely wanted ppl to show up and spend time with us. We were in no way looking for a financial gain. We assumed that ppl would disreguard that and give anyway but we weren't expecting them to be so generous. I'm amazed at the fact that we got back what we put in financial. Again. It was all diy so it wasn't a ton but I'm amazed. And trying to figure out how to do the most good with it bc we do well enough as is that we don't need the money. That was the entire point of asking ppl not to give. We wanted to host a celebration of what we made together. If we're going to argue semantics then go ahead and let loose. I stand by my wording that our wedding was an investment. Obviously there's no way to measure the effort put in. It was an absolute TON. I would hope the attention to detail made ppl smile. That was my goal for anyone who caught it. And if we created a proper representation of ourselves in the eyes of our guests and they all enjoyed the evening then I came out ahead there. My question was simply if anyone has put in as much as was given back in the form of gifts bc it seems unheard of to me. 

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  • MRDCleMRDCle
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    mandi12 said:
    We've both been married so we financed this one ourselves. When ppl offered financial  help we declined. We tried to pass the word that we genuinely don't want ppls money. We want them to come celebrate. We didn't want the traditional wedding ppl are used to. We just wanted a party so everyone could share our day. Of course as expected ppl fave anyway. But this time around the gifts that did come in were about what we invested. We're not even 2 weeks out so I haven't done the math for our final cost and we went decently cheap for something formal for 100 ppl. I also don't count our honeymoon in wedding expenses since that's a vacation... but I'm seriously surprised. I'm gonna talk to my husband about using part of it for charity but I'm genuinely curious if Anyone else has had their entire investment come back.
    To the bolded... I don't see how you could have meant anything BUT financial contributions?  
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenseileenroblevioosa
  • mandi12mandi12
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments 5 Love Its
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    As far as what to do with it, we replenished the savings account we drained and paid back what we borrowed. For the surplus i was hoping to reserve a portion for a charity that deals with mental health and/or addiction recovery since these are passions I'm already investing time in.  If you have any suggestions there I'm open to em tho. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    This is so gross.

    It's none of your business what gifts we did or did not receive, or what we spent on the wedding. Why do you even want to know? 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • mandi12mandi12
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments 5 Love Its
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    Yes, mrdcle, I meant financial. The financial generosity is a blessing.   But also I'm impressed with the whole thing we put together bc I put a lot of thought into being frugal since it was supposed to just be money spent. Its partly effort in frugal planning and partly humbling generosity. I think all of That falls under financial
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  • MRDCleMRDCle
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    mandi12 said:
    Yes, mrdcle, I meant financial. The financial generosity is a blessing.   But also I'm impressed with the whole thing we put together bc I put a lot of thought into being frugal since it was supposed to just be money spent. Its partly effort in frugal planning and partly humbling generosity. I think all of That falls under financial
    I thought you meant smiles and heart-felt memories.  Now I'm confused. 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenseileenrobMyNameIsNot
  • mandi12mandi12
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    Apparently discussing money and comparing frugality is one of those things you don't do here.... point taken. I'm sorry for calling attention to a sore subject. I'm also sorry for using a word in a way that's clearly offensive to the majority. Next time i plan on mentioning money spent on our wedding I'll phrase it as "wasteful spending" ha. I'm gonna bow out at this point since trying to explain myself further seems like a waste of effort. Hope you ladies have a wonderful day. Yes. Even the ones who've deemed me horrible and greedy. ✌
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    Why on earth do you care?

    I am mostly not surprised by the ratio of gifts to expense. You put together a simpler wedding. Great. Your friends are happy for you, and probably also older and well set up in life, and gave you generous gifts. Good for them. It's really not that hard to sort out.

    It doesn't matter what gifts other people got, which is part of why people are confused why this is a post.

    Anniversary

    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenseileenrobMyNameIsNot
  • MRDCleMRDCle
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    mandi12 said:
    Apparently discussing money and comparing frugality is one of those things you don't do here.... point taken. I'm sorry for calling attention to a sore subject. I'm also sorry for using a word in a way that's clearly offensive to the majority. Next time i plan on mentioning money spent on our wedding I'll phrase it as "wasteful spending" ha. I'm gonna bow out at this point since trying to explain myself further seems like a waste of effort. Hope you ladies have a wonderful day. Yes. Even the ones who've deemed me horrible and greedy. ✌
    It's one thing to be like, "hey what did everyone save money on when wedding planning I'm so happy doing x saved us some money!", and quite another to say "zommmg we got hella presents I can't believe how much money, er I mean joy and experiences we made off our nearest and dearest!"
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • mandi12mandi12
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    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
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  • MRDCleMRDCle
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    mandi12 said:
    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
    TLDR: I’m rude and proud of it now tell me how much per person y’all got back as gifts. 
    InLoveInQueensahoyweddinglevioosaMyNameIsNot
  • mandi12mandi12
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments 5 Love Its
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    That was rhetorical of course. Thanks for your comments tho. I really do need to get back to other things (outside of unintentionally inspiring rage on the internet) 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    mandi12 said:
    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
    I'm shocked.
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    InLoveInQueenseileenrobahoyweddingMyNameIsNot
  • MRDCleMRDCle
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    mandi12 said:
    That was rhetorical of course. Thanks for your comments tho. I really do need to get back to other things (outside of unintentionally inspiring rage on the internet) 
    Yeah you probably have stacks of cash left to count. I would ask if you’re going to write thank you cards but you probably don’t do that either. 
    ahoywedding
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited April 6
    You don't DO etiquette???

    Etiquette is the practice of treating people politely.  The only alternative to this is treating people rudely.  Sheesh!

    A wedding is an occasion when two people become legally married.  IF they invite guests, then they usually celebrate with a party that follows the rules of polite behavior.  If you treat your guests rudely (expectations of wealth), then you are way out of line.  Why not just stand at the door and sell tickets to your wedding?  That will help you make a profit!  Greedy, greedy, greedy!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    What a strange post. Why would you care if a bunch of strangers got a large amount of monetary gifts at their wedding? 

    eileenroblovesclimbingahoyweddinglevioosa
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    mandi12 said:
    Semantics. It's an investment in our new begining. Yes the goal isn't to produce a profit but there was a lot of time and effort "invested" as Well. I'd call THAT an investment.... the return was the experience and time with friends. 
    What @ShesSoCold said. 

    Also, to each their own I suppose, but I don't think of my wedding as an investment in a "new beginning." I think our dating time where we learned about each other and had serious conversations was. Also, our marriage counseling. The wedding itself was pretty stressful. I did not enjoy planning. The day of, I was pretty stressed and cried on my now-H for a couple minutes. And that "investment in our new beginning" (the wedding) could have been accomplished with a 10-minute appointment at city hall, no fancy party with 90 guests need. 

    charlotte989875eileenrobahoywedding
  •  mandi12 said:

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Plenty of us were aware of what we spent.  And how much we received.  We just haven’t aired it here, and then backtracked to try and make it like we actually meant an investment on time, good vibes, etc. 
    charlotte989875ahoywedding
  • mandi12 said:
    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
    So either you really, truly don’t care about gifts (which I find it hard to believe given your post here), or you care a whole lot that even though you rudely told people not to get you gifts they did anyway and now you’re wondering if you got as many gifts as other people did? You can’t have it both ways. 
    ahoywedding
  • mandi12 said:
    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
    Naw, it doesn't have to be either. 

    A wedding is the joining of two people together in matrimony. 

    You could have eloped. You could have had a very small, intimate ceremony and reception. You could have forgone the "formal" affair. 

    FTR, I'm having a "Frugal" wedding. We're having an intimate city hall wedding and restaurant reception after. It'll be less than $5K all said and done. 

    You made a choice to spend money, now you're bitching about your ROI. Maybe next time, pick a partner with friends and family with deeper pockets. 
    ahoyweddinglovesclimbingcharlotte989875
  • MRDCleMRDCle
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    mandi12 said:
    This falls under etiquette. I don't do etiquette. I'm not concerned with being proper. If my intention is unclear I'll gladly explain myself. Misunderstanding is ridiculously common in human interactions. It's all good if it's respectful enough.  

    A wedding is 2 things: a shit ton of money and a shit ton of effort.  

    I'm not looking to compare effort put in vs positive vibes returned. This isn't something you can measure. Also I would hope that everyone has a wedding with the intent to make it enjoyable for everyone. So that point is useless to discuss. No one pours money and stress into 1 day expecting any less. And generally ppl leave equally satisfied (unless you really butcher it. )

    I asked about the financial aspect. I'm proud of our ability to keep a tight budget. I'm proud we could do so much on our own to save money. I'm also impressed at what we got from everyone vs what went in financially.  (I'm also slightly annoyed at those same ppl for giving when we asked that they not. Again. Etiquette. Not big with us.) we got a sarcastic card with a dollar in it. That was hilarious. That was the goal. They nailed it.

    The concept of money put in/frugal planning vs gifts received isnt one ppl consider from what I'm seeing. I find it hard to believe that no one looks at the credit card statement and the balance on the deposit sheet afterwards and doesn't have any thought process there.... or maybe it's back to etiquette bc putting that thought into words automatically makes you a bad person regardless of intent.

    Let's not compare how good we are at being classy cheap asses anymore. Why is everything wedding related so damn offensive to everyone?  That's my new question.
    Naw, it doesn't have to be either. 

    A wedding is the joining of two people together in matrimony. 

    You could have eloped. You could have had a very small, intimate ceremony and reception. You could have forgone the "formal" affair. 

    FTR, I'm having a "Frugal" wedding. We're having an intimate city hall wedding and restaurant reception after. It'll be less than $5K all said and done. 

    You made a choice to spend money, now you're bitching about your ROI. Maybe next time, pick a partner with friends and family with deeper pockets. 
    Oh no, she's not complaining about ROI. She's boasting to a group of strangers just how much she made back in gifts!
    ahoywedding
  • Ro041Ro041
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    mandi12 said:
    Yes, mrdcle, I meant financial. The financial generosity is a blessing.   But also I'm impressed with the whole thing we put together bc I put a lot of thought into being frugal since it was supposed to just be money spent. Its partly effort in frugal planning and partly humbling generosity. I think all of That falls under financial
    I am so happy you are impressed with yourself.  
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    ShesSoColdahoyweddingeileenrob
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