Wedding Woes

Dear lady, Arkangel was not real...

Dear Prudence,

My daughter is a freshman in college out of state and my wife insists on using an app called Life360 to track her whereabouts at all times. My daughter resents this, and I personally think it’s an invasion of privacy. I didn’t want my parents to know my every move when I was 19, and I respect her feeling the same way. My wife says she shouldn’t be doing anything she needs to hide. It has become a huge source of conflict, and I can’t get my wife to see that it’s time to let it go. Am I missing something here?

—Surveillance Regrets
justsie

Re: Dear lady, Arkangel was not real...

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    I have life360.  Sometimes it wont update for hours.  100% accuracy it is not.

    mrsconn23baconsmom
  • Team LW all the way. This is a sure fire way to get your adult child not to tell you things, and to hide what they are doing. 

    Also thank the gods these didn't exist when I was in college. 
    mrsconn23TrixieJessshort+sassyahoywedding
  • 100% for LW's wife to having daughter lose trust!

    Daughter is out of state at college, I'd like to hope daughter is making good choices and maybe not saying everything but at least feeling like she shouldn't hide things {would LW & wife need to know everything? No.}

    Team LW!
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  • H and I have Life360. It works for us - am I on my way home from brunch? Can I pick something up, or have I already passed Target? Am I still on my date? - but mostly because it's a backup plan in case someone goes missing. 

    You know who doesn't have it? Bacon. And not just because she never leaves her room, but because she deserves her own privacy. We won't be able to trust that she'll make good choices once she leaves us if we never trust her to make good choices! 

    Also, it's imperative that a child SEPARATE from their parents. Keep secrets. Lie, occasionally. Learn what's really stupid and what's not. I can tell her all those things, I can try to make her life easy, but I know this kid. She's not going to learn like that. She has to touch the hot stove, and I have to allow it. 
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    TrixieJessshort+sassyahoyweddingShesSoCold
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    If I were daughter, I would get a part time job to pay for my own phone, so that I could carry that one wherever I wanted without being monitored.  And since the daughter is an adult, there could even be some legal repercussions for the wife - if the daughter pushed it and depending on the setup.

    I think LW needs to go to bat, BIGLY, for the daughter. 

    banana468charlotte989875eileenrobernursej
  • I don't agree with mom's style of parenting, but if daughter really hates it so much, buy your own phone and pay for your own plan. Not hard. 
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    charlotte989875mrsconn23MissKittyDanger
  • I don't agree with mom's style of parenting, but if daughter really hates it so much, buy your own phone and pay for your own plan. Not hard. 
    Not only that, but dad isn't a victim here.   He can give his daughter options since they are both adults.  He does not need to kowtow to his wife if he does not believe in what she's doing.  
  • I once heard a school technology person talk about how he could call his kids out on not being where they were supposed to - not because he actively monitored them with this sort of thing, but because he too was on Snapchat and knew how to use the location map, and they were on it. But that's their own choice, and also they were in MIDDLE SCHOOL.

    Why is there even a "supposed to be" location for a woman who's away at college?

    Great point!  The only "supposed to be" would be when she has classes.  Other than that, college for many is their first fledgling steps into adulthood.  That is an important milestone.

    LW, don't let fanatical mom clip her wings!  She needs to learn to fly on her own, even if that means she falls sometimes. 

    I'm picturing a day when the daughter has a really bad cold and stays in her dorm room instead of going to 10:00 Chemistry.  At 10:10, she gets a text from mom, "Why aren't you in Chemistry!?!"  OMG, no, lol.

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    charlotte989875
  • GBCKGBCK
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
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    arkangel ends very very badly....

    I disabled this on my 7 year old's tablet, FWIW, beause I don't need verizon tracking her.  (we're currently working on some tablet settings for some special needs adaptations.  it's fun)
    mrsconn23fahlalalala
  • justsiejustsie
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    If my mom had done this while I was in College all this would have done is make me leave my phone in my dorm when I went out. That would mean I'm going to a college party without a way to contact anyone. I was pretty ignorant back then.
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    mrsconn23STARMOON44CharmedPameileenrob
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I can't imagine being in college and having my mom tracking my every move. At that age, I was still living at home full time, but I pretty much came and went as I pleased. I also had the idea that if I were the daughter, I'd just leave my phone back in my dorm/apartment, but I grew up in the age of beepers so not having a phone on me is not a big deal. A 19 year old probably feels differently. 

  • I had somewhat overprotective parents but when I was home.   At school they weren't checking up on me.   The phone wasn't ringing at midnight asking where I was.   They only went stupid on me when I was home for breaks and they tried to tell me that 10 PM was a good time to be home and they had no support from pretty much anyone else that their approach was prudent.


  • kvrunskvruns
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    justsie said:
    If my mom had done this while I was in College all this would have done is make me leave my phone in my dorm when I went out. That would mean I'm going to a college party without a way to contact anyone. I was pretty ignorant back then.
    That made me laugh a bit because we didn't have phones back then (or some did but we didn't take them anywhere) and we went out without ways to contact people all the time. 
    banana468InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44justsie
  • kvruns said:
    justsie said:
    If my mom had done this while I was in College all this would have done is make me leave my phone in my dorm when I went out. That would mean I'm going to a college party without a way to contact anyone. I was pretty ignorant back then.
    That made me laugh a bit because we didn't have phones back then (or some did but we didn't take them anywhere) and we went out without ways to contact people all the time. 
    I can remember having to find payphones to call my parents to let them know where I was. 
    MissKittyDangershort+sassy
  • kvruns said:
    Not sure if it was the same in Canada but you could call collect and instead of saying your name say "come pick me up" and then hang up so you were able to tell your parents to pick you up without paying. 
    I've done that lol
    "would you like to accept a call from heymomimgoingtoXfriendsplaceillcallyouthere ?"
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    kvruns said:
    Not sure if it was the same in Canada but you could call collect and instead of saying your name say "come pick me up" and then hang up so you were able to tell your parents to pick you up without paying. 
    Hahah..we did that too. 

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    kvruns said:
    Not sure if it was the same in Canada but you could call collect and instead of saying your name say "come pick me up" and then hang up so you were able to tell your parents to pick you up without paying. 


    Yep - every weekend at the mall! :)

    Also, H and I have the location services on our phones. My dad thinks I'm a crazy controlling wife (humorous coming from the guy who has cheated on all four of his wives) but it's pure convenience. Plus I'm a worrier and H works all over the place and doesn't have standard hours so if I don't hear from him, I at least know where he is.

    But to LW's wife - yeah, this is just basically asking your kids to lie to you.


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  • kvruns said:
    Not sure if it was the same in Canada but you could call collect and instead of saying your name say "come pick me up" and then hang up so you were able to tell your parents to pick you up without paying. 
    Lol, yeah except the person on the other end had to “accept” the charges and my father would have said no. I always had a Bell calling card with me JIC. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    kvruns said:
    Not sure if it was the same in Canada but you could call collect and instead of saying your name say "come pick me up" and then hang up so you were able to tell your parents to pick you up without paying. 
    Lol, yeah except the person on the other end had to “accept” the charges and my father would have said no. I always had a Bell calling card with me JIC. 
    That's what this was. They heard, "Would you like to accept a call from: 'I'matKrista'spleasepickmeup'" and the parents could say no to the charges and still have gotten all the pertinent info. The calling card is a good idea in case of the necessity of a longer conversation, though.

    Anniversary

    redwoodoriginalcharlotte989875mrsconn23
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