Rant Regarding Guest List

Knottie1474857822

Hello all! My wedding is in 22 days and today is the deadline for RSVP's and I just needed somewhere to rant!

We invited 231 guests (30+ more people than we wanted to invite). We are starting to get more and more people responding and a lot of those people are adding plus ones to their RSVP when only they were invited to the wedding. The guest list is getting longer and longer by the minute!

I just don't get how people think it is ok to bring someone who was not invited. Especially when we are paying for their meal out of our own pockets! UGH!

ShesSoCold

Knottie1474857822 said:

Hello all! My wedding is in 22 days and today is the deadline for RSVP's and I just needed somewhere to rant!

We invited 231 guests (30+ more people than we wanted to invite). We are starting to get more and more people responding and a lot of those people are adding plus ones to their RSVP when only they were invited to the wedding. The guest list is getting longer and longer by the minute!

I just don't get how people think it is ok to bring someone who was not invited. Especially when we are paying for their meal out of our own pockets! UGH!

Um, where else would this money be coming from?

If these people are truly single and are adding a guest, call them, verify that they are not in a relationship and if not, inform them that the invitation was for them only and you hope they can still make it.

If they're in a relationship and you chose not to invite their SO or didn't know they had one, you're in the wrong here and need to extend an invitation for their SO.

6fsn

Your first mistake was inviting more than you have room for.

That said it is rude to add the uninvited plus one, unless that plus one was a committed partner? 

Knottie1474857822

We have room for 231, just more than originally planned, but that happens when you have a large family.

I do think it is rude to add an uninvited plus one. Especially as the ones we did not add a plus one for will know others at the wedding.

I think if they are in a relationship which we did not know about, asking us before including them on the RSVP would be the polite thing to do. Obviously we would say yes in they were in a relationship, we just did not know about it at the time.

charlotte989875

Knottie1474857822 said:

We have room for 231, just more than originally planned, but that happens when you have a large family.

I do think it is rude to add an uninvited plus one. Especially as the ones we did not add a plus one for will know others at the wedding.

I think if they are in a relationship which we did not know about, asking us before including them on the RSVP would be the polite thing to do. Obviously we would say yes in they were in a relationship, we just did not know about it at the time.

It's definitely rude to invite someone else to the invitation that wasn't listed. 

If they were in a relationship when the invites went out, it's on the people extending the invitation to check the relationship status. If they weren't in a relationship then, but they are now, if you can accommodate them I do think you should. 

I know the last weeks before a wedding can be stressful, but try to have some perspective here. These are your friends and family (presumably since you've invited them to your wedding). They love you and they want to celebrate with you. They also want to do this with the people they love, which is why SO's are always invited. When things get crazy before a wedding sometimes you start seeing guests as numbers and costs, but remember these are your friends and family. 

OliveOilsMom

Knottie1474857822 said:

We have room for 231, just more than originally planned, but that happens when you have a large family.

I do think it is rude to add an uninvited plus one. Especially as the ones we did not add a plus one for will know others at the wedding.

I think if they are in a relationship which we did not know about, asking us before including them on the RSVP would be the polite thing to do. Obviously we would say yes in they were in a relationship, we just did not know about it at the time.

Actually, the polite thing to do would be to ask before the invitations go out, if they are in a relationship so that the SO can be invited by name on the invitation.  But that ship has sailed.

Call back these people who have added plus ones and tell them you are sorry, but the invitation was only for them and you hope they can still make it.  If they say they can't go alone, then tell them they will be missed.

TrixieJess

Knottie1474857822 said:

We have room for 231, just more than originally planned, but that happens when you have a large family.

I do think it is rude to add an uninvited plus one. Especially as the ones we did not add a plus one for will know others at the wedding.

I think if they are in a relationship which we did not know about, asking us before including them on the RSVP would be the polite thing to do. Obviously we would say yes in they were in a relationship, we just did not know about it at the time.

Are these people actually +1s or significant others? If they are in a relationship, you need to suck it up, apologize and add them. 

short+sassy

You are absolutely right!  It's rude and aggravating for a guest to invite someone else and, even though it is a bit of extra work, you can call that guest and explain the invitation was only for them.

Unless that someone else is the guest's SO!  In that case, the person should have been on the invite to begin with.  For me, that conversation would go like, "I'm so sorry, Cousin B!  I didn't realize you were seeing someone.  I look forward to meeting him at the wedding."

banana468

I think you're right to be frustrated but take a deep breath.

Just call up those who are tagging on the guests and try to clarify.   Are these dates or significant others?  If they are dates you're more than OK to tell people that the invitation was for just the person invited.  

That said, I "get" that you can do this but it's SO much easier to just let people bring a date.

ahoywedding

banana468 said:

I think you're right to be frustrated but take a deep breath.

Just call up those who are tagging on the guests and try to clarify.   Are these dates or significant others?  If they are dates you're more than OK to tell people that the invitation was for just the person invited.  

That said, I "get" that you can do this but it's SO much easier to just let people bring a date.

For real. For lurkers: we gave everyone who wasn't a child a +1 and just factored all those guests into our counts. Even those we *knew* wouldn't bring one, like my perpetually single uncle and cousin, or H's cousins in high school whose mom said they weren't allowed to bring a date. FWIW, we had a few people bring friends or "randoms" we hadn't met and it really was no big deal. Bringing that person allowed our friend or loved one to be able to come celebrate with us, so we said hello, introduced ourselves and that was that. 

I know it's kind of too late for that for you, OP, and it's hella rude for people to add their own guests to the invite. I'm sorry they did that. I'd reach out to these guests individually, ask if the person they added is a significant other, and make a decision from there. Make sure you include SOs, which it sounds like you do plan to do. The other people you may want to consider allowing a guest for are anyone who has to travel. Sometimes it's nicer to not make a long drive and stay in a hotel alone. But non-SO guests are totally your call how you want to handle.