Wedding Woes

Send "stop messaging me" and then block him

Dear Prudence,
I left a job due to disability three years ago. I have been back to visit a couple of times, because I miss my co-workers and like to keep in touch. Recently, a former co-worker with a wife and two young children has been flirtatiously messaging me. He told me he had a crush on me when we worked together. I’ve been back to visit my old workplace once since then, but I don’t plan to anymore. He keeps messaging me with simple questions, like, “How how’s it going?” I continue to ignore it, but he won’t stop. I don’t want to get him in trouble, but I’m considering mentioning this to someone higher up at my former workplace. I know that since I no longer work there I have no leverage, but there were a couple of people there that I was relatively close to and would like to continue to visit. Should I say something to someone, or should I just stop visiting the office and try to get people together for lunch elsewhere? They’re always very busy, so it would be hard to coordinate something.
—Former Co-Worker Creeping Me Out

Re: Send "stop messaging me" and then block him

  • Don't take this to your former workplace, that's not the right place to address this. You're not an employee anymore and unless he's harassing you it sounds like while he's morally wrong, what is HR really going to be able to do?  

    Use your words, tell him to stop messaging you, block him. If you want to meet with people do it out of the office. Plan ahead and make the effort to coordinate if it is important to you. 
    OliveOilsMomSTARMOON44
  • If she hasn't already, I'd send one last message that is along the lines of, "I wish you well, but no longer want to stay in touch."  Then, yes, block him.

    LW, don't let this guy stop you from occasionally visiting the office!  Unless there is more to his annoying behavior than his 1x admittance to a crush and text messages, altering/stopping her visits sounds extreme.

    Plus, I'm getting a strong vibe that she has never even told him to stop contacting her.  That's the first step and, more often than not, will entirely solve her problem.  She's been expecting him to "assume" he shouldn't contact her, because she never replies.  Some people are that clueless when it comes to social cues.

    A clear "do not contact me" comment will then put him on NOTICE that his behavior is unwanted.  THEN, if the behavior continues, she should contact her previous employer and/or the police.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OliveOilsMomeileenrob
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member

    Also, WTF is with people visiting former work places? If these people are too busy to go out for lunch, do they really have time to sit around the office and talk to a former colleague? If they're not close enough friends to want to see you outside of the office, LW, they're not really friends. 
    This. The LW says they left due to a disability, but it's been three freaking years.  
  • mrsconn23 said:

    Also, WTF is with people visiting former work places? If these people are too busy to go out for lunch, do they really have time to sit around the office and talk to a former colleague? If they're not close enough friends to want to see you outside of the office, LW, they're not really friends. 
    This. The LW says they left due to a disability, but it's been three freaking years.  


    I was a little curious about that also, lol.  I understand that people can become close when they work together.  Especially if it is a place with a lot of "lifers".  But, if she didn't become close enough friends with some of her coworkers to socialize with them outside of work, it does seem bizarre that she is still going back to visit 3 years later.

    Now I'm wondering, how often ARE these visits, lol?  Because if it is only once or twice a year, a Prudie letter seems extreme to "worry" about this guy.  I'm also wondering if it is a public place, where she might have business to do there anyway.  That would at least make more sense.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsconn23
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards