Bachelorette party planning timeframe?

knottiec0aadcd3ca7294ca

How far in advance does the bachelorette party need to be planned? My wedding is December 2, so almost 6 1/2 months away. It's in Vegas; none of my bridesmaids live there so they will all have to travel. Fiance and I are in the process of getting ready to move there within the next month. 

One of my maids is driving me nuts wanting decisions on everything NOW. She knows we're dealing with moving but flat out said "I know you're dealing with moving but I need to know now." 

I picked out dresses in the midst of this and now she wants to know about the bachelorette party because she "just got a new job and needs to earn and plan the PTO." I feel like it's maybe JUST A BIT early for that to be in the works, but I'm new to this (never even been someone else's bridesmaid) so am I being unreasonable? Should I be working with my MOH to nail this down now, or can I tell this maid to chill out and it'll be worked out closer to the wedding date?

FWIW, I'm probably going to suck it up and do the party a couple of days before the wedding (I'd rather do it a bit earlier, honestly) just so they don't have to travel twice. 

MobKaz

knottiec0aadcd3ca7294ca said:

How far in advance does the bachelorette party need to be planned? My wedding is December 2, so almost 6 1/2 months away. It's in Vegas; none of my bridesmaids live there so they will all have to travel. Fiance and I are in the process of getting ready to move there within the next month. 

One of my maids is driving me nuts wanting decisions on everything NOW. She knows we're dealing with moving but flat out said "I know you're dealing with moving but I need to know now." 

I picked out dresses in the midst of this and now she wants to know about the bachelorette party because she "just got a new job and needs to earn and plan the PTO." I feel like it's maybe JUST A BIT early for that to be in the works, but I'm new to this (never even been someone else's bridesmaid) so am I being unreasonable? Should I be working with my MOH to nail this down now, or can I tell this maid to chill out and it'll be worked out closer to the wedding date?

FWIW, I'm probably going to suck it up and do the party a couple of days before the wedding (I'd rather do it a bit earlier, honestly) just so they don't have to travel twice. 

Whomever volunteers to plan the party gets to decide when the planning begins.  Did YOU decide it would be held in Vegas, or did a friend volunteer to organize this event as an OOT event?  Quite honestly, you should have little to nothing to say about much of it at all.

Do all of your BM's live in the same state?  Honestly, it would make more sense for YOU to return for a local bachelorette party then for several guests to travel to Vegas.

There is no "sucking it up".  Any pre-wedding party is NOT a given.  These events are hosted on a voluntary basis, and the planner should NOT be the bride.  Asking friends and family to travel twice in a six month time period is a LOT to ask, IMO.  Whomever is planning this party should make that determination.  FWIW, "back in the day", these events, if held at all, were more often than not held the immediate week or two prior to the wedding. 

thisismynickname2

Since you guys are moving to Vegas, I see a Vegas bachelorette being logical right before the wedding. However, as MK said, it's not up to the bride to plan a party held in her honor. 

This will be tricky because your bridesmaid also seems to expect you to plan it, so I suppose she doesn't know the etiquette either. See if you can level-set with her and any other 'maids- say something like, "Hey, given that we're moving, if you guys can come in a couple days before the wedding we can spend more time together. If not, no biggie- I can't wait to see you all for the [rehearsal/wedding day]."

There's no rule that says getting together with your friends pre-wedding has to be a "bachelorette"- you can still arrange to party with your friends, but you won't be hosted by them in that traditional bachelorette sense. In other words, you can't expect to all go out and have them pay your way as the guest of honor- it would be like a regular girls' night out instead. 

ei34

Doing it right before your wedding is smart, they definitely don’t need to fly to Vegas twice!

Ask your BM how many people she can host.  Then give her a guest list within that number.  A guest list and approving the date are really the bride’s only two responsibilities around a BP.

And to answer your question, 6 months out seems a touch early, the only two BP’s I threw were planned less than two months out, but they were local events.  I haven’t attended an OOT BP but it does make sense that saving up for flights/requesting time off are factored in, just as they would be for any vacation.

ahoywedding

Do you live near all your BMs now? I see a couple options here: you could travel back "home" for a bachelorette that's closer to your friends & WP, since they're already traveling once for you; or you could have a Vegas bachelorette closer to your wedding date so they could just encompass that extra time when they're travelling for your wedding anyway.

If whoever is hosting your bachelorette (not you!) chooses an option that requires travel from the guests, it would be polite to plan it with enough time to budget & plan PTO. I have a friend getting married in September who decided last minute she wants a travel bachelorette and convinced one of our other friends to plan it (RUDE) with like less than two months' notice. I can't go, but the friends who are going are scrambling to rearrange PTO time and their budget. 

Your BM may not know that the bride isn't supposed to plan any pre-wedding parties herself. This is considered rude, because it comes off like someone planning a party to celebrate themselves. You could ask her what she was thinking, how many people she could host, and if she has talked with any other BMs about budgets, etc.

knottiec0aadcd3ca7294ca

Thanks for the feedback!

I only have the three BMs and they all live in totally different states (none of which are the state I'm moving out of), so three people are going to have to travel regardless. I told them previously that MOH had volunteered to organize any parties if they were to occur. 

It was my maids who decided that a bachelorette party needed to happen; since they all have to travel for the wedding I wasn't committed to having one at all. I guess I'll refer her back to MOH for any other questions.

charlotte989875

knottiec0aadcd3ca7294ca said:

Thanks for the feedback!

I only have the three BMs and they all live in totally different states (none of which are the state I'm moving out of), so three people are going to have to travel regardless. I told them previously that MOH had volunteered to organize any parties if they were to occur. 

It was my maids who decided that a bachelorette party needed to happen; since they all have to travel for the wedding I wasn't committed to having one at all. I guess I'll refer her back to MOH for any other questions.

I definitely think that is for the best. 

For what it's worth though I don't think it's crazy that your BM wants an idea of what to plan for in terms of time off and costs if the idea was to travel to Vegas twice in ~6months. I'd need time to plan for that, too. But she should be asked whoever is hosting, not you.