"I'm sorry you didn't get back to us. We've made our plans for the weekend."

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I have a question about RSVPs. This comes up more and more often: We invite friends to something that can only accommodate a finite number (a ticketed event, a weekend at our beach house, a dinner party at a restaurant), invitees say they want to go and will check to see if they can … and then they don’t make up their minds. The date gets closer and we don’t know if they are coming or not, and it’s getting to be too late to invite others. Is it ever OK to rescind an invitation and invite someone else? How do we politely say, “I need to know now, not a day before the event?” This happens especially often with our beach house: People say they are coming, then change their plans at the last minute or come for only one night of a holiday weekend, for example, when we could have invited others who would be thrilled to come.
—No, Seriously, RSVP

STARMOON44

If people cancel last minute on your beach house problem solved. Those people don’t get invited again. 

banana468

I think it really depends but you need to put parameters into it.   If it's an extra ticket you may need to say, "I need to know by tomorrow or it goes to the next taker." 

For something like loose weekend plans I think "Are you up to anything.   Let me know if you feel like doing something," is fine to be met with, "Sorry we just made last minute plans," if you actually did.  

That said, I do think any time you invite someone you need to put the parameters of the RSVP in when the situation is a ticket, a room, or dinner out.   

charlotte989875

Give people a deadline and then stick to it. If you need to know how many people are coming tell them they have until x date to get back to you. If they don't then invite someone else. You don't need to hold up your plans or risk tickets/spaces going unused because your friends can't make up their minds. 

baconsmom

I've always invited people to things by indicating what type of event it is. Like, "I have a Groupon for bowling; we're going on Friday, and if you want to come, great! But, like, it's super casual, so don't worry if you don't know until the day of." 

Or, "I have an extra ticket to this thing. I need to know by Sunday if you can go." 

So clearly other people don't do this, but why not? Why wouldn't you provide all the information all parties need? You're just making it harder on all of us by being vague! 

ei34

This is one of those scenarios (I feel like there’s at least one a week) where I’m shocked it got escalated all the way up to Prudie.  Invitees typically say, “thanks, I’ll let you know” when they’re invited somewhere.  I have no idea what’s stopping LW from responding with, “great, just let us know by June 12th”.  And then @mrsconn23 wording in the title is perfect if the guests don’t follow through.  

ernursej

This LW could be describing my H. It drives me bananas. He doesn't have any need to reply in a timely fashion to invites received. We received an invite to attend dinner at a friend's house with another couple and both received the invite. I asked H right away and he said he needed to think about it. I asked when I could bring it up again and he said he didn't know. It makes me look like I'm a flake when I'm usually the one that responds within minutes of getting an invite.

I would +++ appreciate invites that come with time stamps as that would help me on my end.

Selfishly, I would hate if we stopped getting invited but I would understand if that was the consequences of H not being able to make up his mind.

**Note that these invites are all from his friends. If my friends invite, they are getting a reply within 24 hours. I've occasionally gone without H because he can't make up his mind.

PrettyGirlLost

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
I have a question about RSVPs. This comes up more and more often: We invite friends to something that can only accommodate a finite number (a ticketed event, a weekend at our beach house, a dinner party at a restaurant), invitees say they want to go and will check to see if they can … and then they don’t make up their minds. The date gets closer and we don’t know if they are coming or not, and it’s getting to be too late to invite others. Is it ever OK to rescind an invitation and invite someone else? How do we politely say, “I need to know now, not a day before the event?” This happens especially often with our beach house: People say they are coming, then change their plans at the last minute or come for only one night of a holiday weekend, for example, when we could have invited others who would be thrilled to come.
—No, Seriously, RSVP

“I need to know now, not a day before the event?”

This isn't that hard ><