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Wedding Woes

Your family sucks.

Dear Prudence,

I was married for six years to the love of my life. I lost him to septic shock in December of 2016. I was completely devastated at the time, but through counseling and grief support, I’m doing much better. My parents, my children, and especially my sister keep asking me when I’m going to start dating again. I’ve tried saying I’m not ready, and I get “But you’re so young!” I’m 50. Honestly, I have no desire to date again. It’s been 17 months since I lost the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. How do I get through to them that I need time and will make the decision for myself? This issue is compounded by the fact that my family didn’t care for my husband, so they think if they’re over it, I should be too.

—Unready Widow

Re: Your family sucks.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    "friends, I'll be ready when I'm ready.  Until then, I'm learning the new life I have to live".

    STARMOON44short+sassy
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    "When I'm ready you'll know.   Until then back off and let me process on my and not your terms." 
    STARMOON44charlotte989875
  • Your family does suck. Even if they mean well, they suck. 

    You do you, LW. If/when you feel ready, date. If you don't, then don't. Ignore your terrible family. 
    short+sassy
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hand them a Ho Sit Down and STFU card.  This is a level of uncaring I can't even fathom.
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    17 months is nothing. Family needs to sit down and shut up. I can’t even fathom asking someone who has lost a spouse when and why they’re not dating yet. I would be completely silent until they mentioned wanting to get back out in the dating pool first. 


    image
    charlotte989875short+sassymrsconn23
  • She should tell them to back off and that the only person who can decide when she's going to start dating again is her. And if that's never, then so be it. 
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, your family does suck. Tell them (nicely) to STFU
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 7
    levioosa said:
    17 months is nothing. Family needs to sit down and shut up. I can’t even fathom asking someone who has lost a spouse when and why they’re not dating yet. I would be completely silent until they mentioned wanting to get back out in the dating pool first. 
    It has been over 2.5 years since MIL died and there has been *one*, mostly joking, mention of FIL dating.  (An old friend told FIL he had someone 'perfect' for him...FIL gave it more than 2 seconds of thought, but I don't think he met her or even talked to her on the phone. When I asked DH if his dad was interested in meeting this lady, he almost choked on his own tongue.  IF FIL ever dates again, even casually, there's going to be feelings in my H and his siblings.) 

    So yeah, this lady's family can fuck all the way the hell off.  Especially since it sounds like it was a rather sudden death.  Regardless of how they felt about him, don't they love her?  If the answer is yes, they're not acting like it.  :/
    short+sassycharlotte989875
  • ernursejernursej member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would tell them that you appreciate their interest in your wellbeing, but that your wellbeing does not include dating right now. Tell them that you do not wish to discuss the topic again. If they continue, offer boundaries and then stick with the boundaries.
    short+sassy
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