Wedding Woes

Bonus: OMG at this 'classic' Prudie chat.

Q. MIL Hopes We Die: My husband, our three young children, and I recently went on a vacation with my in-laws. We provided the accommodations. My mother-in-law tries to act more like our children’s mother than a grandmother. She loves her grandchildren, but she is very interfering, judgmental, and disrespectful to me and my husband. On this recent visit she brought a children’s book for our 5-year-old daughter that was missing the last two pages. The book was about a girl who visits her grandmother for the summer every year; my MIL wrote an ending with my daughter that said the girl’s parents died and she got to live with her grandmother forever. It was written like a happy ending! When we confronted her (away from the children) that it was inappropriate, she blamed our 5-year-old saying it was all her idea. I am so upset I can’t even look at this woman; and now she is suggesting we get together again next month to go camping. What should we do?

Re: Bonus: OMG at this 'classic' Prudie chat.

  • 6fsn6fsn
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    I'm only laughing because I honestly believe my MIL could do this. 
    mrsconn23charlotte989875ShesSoCold
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23
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    6fsn said:
    I'm only laughing because I honestly believe my MIL could do this. 
    LOL! She'd end up returning the kids though because she could not handle them long term.  :D 
    charlotte989875
  • Letters like this make me incredibly thankful for my wonderful MIL. 

    But yeah, what @banana468 said. No trips or events until your H has a clear discussion with her and she apologizes. This is out of line and needs to be nipped in the bud. 
    mrsconn23
  • I think I'm still reeling from this one, lol.  And if it were me, I'd have my H bluntly tell his mother that we are still reeling from what happened and aren't comfortable having our children near her yet.  Especially since she still doesn't seem to have any remorse or taken any accountability for what happens.

    The deliberateness of it is what is especially getting to me.  It would be one thing to thoughtlessly make an offhand comment like that.  Still not cool and worthy of a discussion.  But a little more understandable.

    But ripping the pages out of a book and rewriting the ending?  Where her son and DIL die early deaths and her grandchild is left an orphan?  GTFO.

    Although this is a more serious analogy, it reminds me of the variety of murder charges.  First degree murder, ie planned out ahead of time, typically carries a much longer sentence than a murder that happens suddenly in a fit of anger.

    Please tell me this is one of those fake advice column letters we were referring to in the other thread, lol.

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  • GBCKGBCK
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    there is a museum to be made somewhere of 'stories that make you glad this ain't about your family', and that book can go in it.

    Man, I could start that museum. (most of my family is awesome, but we have our moments.)
  • banana468 said:
    WHAT?!? 

    1) No MIL you don't get to blame a 5 year old for your piss poor judgement.   If there's even a remote chance that this is what the 5 yo suggested you put the kibosh on it and tell her that's way too sad.

    2) Your DH needs to nut up and tell his mother that she was out of line and owes you both an apology.  There are no camping trips, or afternoon visits in her future until she ensures BOTH of you that she isn't going to pollute the minds of your children about life being better off without the two of you.   If she can't recognize that then too bad so sad.   
    I bet if the daughter did have "the idea," it was actually "Grandma, you always give me candy and play with me. I want to live with you all the time!" not "I never want to see my parents again, and I wish they would die so I could live with you." BIG difference. Because of course vacation or visiting with Grandma is more fun than every day, discipline, and having to pick up your toys at home with Mom and Dad. 

    Such a good point!  I could exactly see a conversation like that with a 5-year-old.

    But wishing their parents died so that they could live with grandma all the time?  That does NOT sound like something a young child would say. 

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  • banana468banana468
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    banana468 said:
    WHAT?!? 

    1) No MIL you don't get to blame a 5 year old for your piss poor judgement.   If there's even a remote chance that this is what the 5 yo suggested you put the kibosh on it and tell her that's way too sad.

    2) Your DH needs to nut up and tell his mother that she was out of line and owes you both an apology.  There are no camping trips, or afternoon visits in her future until she ensures BOTH of you that she isn't going to pollute the minds of your children about life being better off without the two of you.   If she can't recognize that then too bad so sad.   
    I bet if the daughter did have "the idea," it was actually "Grandma, you always give me candy and play with me. I want to live with you all the time!" not "I never want to see my parents again, and I wish they would die so I could live with you." BIG difference. Because of course vacation or visiting with Grandma is more fun than every day, discipline, and having to pick up your toys at home with Mom and Dad. 

    Such a good point!  I could exactly see a conversation like that with a 5-year-old.

    But wishing their parents died so that they could live with grandma all the time?  That does NOT sound like something a young child would say. 

    I'm sure!   Hell, even Chiquita says from time to time, "I want you to go away so I can marry Daddy!"  But I'd shut that shit down if I saw it in her writing. 

    And again, there's a big leap from, "This is what the 5 yo thinks," to, "You can't blame me the 5 yo suggested it." 

    Because really?   A grandmother is blaming a 5 yo for that?   Come on now - you can give the kid ice cream sundaes for breakfast and I can let that go.   

    Also, why didn't the LW comment about her husband being sad that his mom wrote about him dying?  It's one thing to pull this with a DIL but your own son?   Holy crap.
    short+sassyeileenrobdowntondiva
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    I just can't with this letter.
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
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    I believe this is one of those reasons for "Blood talks to Blood!" on some things and this probably would have been a better way to reach a resolution... This was definitely one of them because DIL vs. Son who is going to get the point across easily and forever...  
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