Wedding Woes

Tasting issue?!

So my fiance and I are having a tasting at the venue. We were hoping it would be just us. However, my parents are inviting themselves along without giving us a chance to invite them. Now mind you they did pay for most of the venue which is inclusive including the food. Yet my parents invites themselves and say that they have the right seeing how they paid most of it, and that they want to make sure that the food THEY choose is worth their money. And that we have np idea what qe are doing. My fiance and I think that it is just best if we go because we're making the decision for OUR wedding on our own. I hate having to say no to them especially since they did pay. Just hate seeing drama begin. (Even though it hapoened in the past) Feeling super stressed about it. What should we do?

Re: Tasting issue?!

  • I agree with PP. They want to know what they are paying for, that’s understandable. If you don’t want them involved, decline the money and pay for your wedding yourself.
    charlotte989875short+sassyahoywedding
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I can understand that you feel like your parents are using their money to bulldoze you, but the only way you can exclude them is to pay for everything with your own funds.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    So my fiance and I are having a tasting at the venue. We were hoping it would be just us. However, my parents are inviting themselves along without giving us a chance to invite them. Now mind you they did pay for most of the venue which is inclusive including the food. Yet my parents invites themselves and say that they have the right seeing how they paid most of it, and that they want to make sure that the food THEY choose is worth their money. And that we have np idea what qe are doing. My fiance and I think that it is just best if we go because we're making the decision for OUR wedding on our own. I hate having to say no to them especially since they did pay. Just hate seeing drama begin. (Even though it hapoened in the past) Feeling super stressed about it. What should we do?
    Your parents are 100% right. They are paying for the wedding, and that means they get to have input. Let them come along, and give their opinions on the food. Honestly, it's not fair to them to be shut out of this if they're paying for your wedding. 

    charlotte989875ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • So my fiance and I are having a tasting at the venue. We were hoping it would be just us. However, my parents are inviting themselves along without giving us a chance to invite them. Now mind you they did pay for most of the venue which is inclusive including the food. Yet my parents invites themselves and say that they have the right seeing how they paid most of it, and that they want to make sure that the food THEY choose is worth their money. And that we have np idea what qe are doing. My fiance and I think that it is just best if we go because we're making the decision for OUR wedding on our own. I hate having to say no to them especially since they did pay. Just hate seeing drama begin. (Even though it hapoened in the past) Feeling super stressed about it. What should we do?


    Then you should pay for your wedding on your own.  As PP state, your parents are paying for the venue/meal and should get to have a say in how their money is spent.  
    image
    charlotte989875ShesSoColdInLoveInQueens
  • I agree with your parents. They're paying for the food they have a right to have a say in the quality and selection. Yes, you do as well, but so do they. 

    Drop it, let them come, and thank them for generously paying for your wedding. 
    short+sassy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
     Why not just enjoy it? For our tasting, it was us plus two others at no charge, and an extra charge for two more. We coughed up the money and had both sets of parents with us. It was so fun!! Plus, we went in with good ideas of what we wanted, and with all the additional opinions, we realized we preferred other things. For example, we thought we'd go with lobster bisque, and all of us preferred the corn chowder. Who'da thunk?

    They who pay get a say. In your case, it's proper for the parents to be involved. Adjust your attitude and go have fun with it. This was one of the best parts of wedding planning, for me! (That and the cake tasting!)
    ________________________________


    charlotte989875short+sassyahoywedding
  • So my fiance and I are having a tasting at the venue. We were hoping it would be just us. However, my parents are inviting themselves along without giving us a chance to invite them. Now mind you they did pay for most of the venue which is inclusive including the food. Yet my parents invites themselves and say that they have the right seeing how they paid most of it, and that they want to make sure that the food THEY choose is worth their money. And that we have np idea what qe are doing. My fiance and I think that it is just best if we go because we're making the decision for OUR wedding on our own. I hate having to say no to them especially since they did pay. Just hate seeing drama begin. (Even though it hapoened in the past) Feeling super stressed about it. What should we do?

    I'm not sure the context, but this is one part where they were out of line.  That was a rude thing to say; however, I suspect it came out of an argument that never should have happened.

    They are generously spending (I'm assuming) thousands/tens of thousands on YOUR ALL's wedding.  They should absolutely go to the tasting, if they wish.  With that said, I do think you and your FI should have input on the food that will be served.  But their opinion matters also because they are paying.  Hopefully, the four of you can work together and choose menu options that everyone is happy with.

    I know wedding planning can be stressful and it can be easy to get caught up in the details.  But, honestly, as long as the food is plentiful and tastes good, it really doesn't matter if they want the shrimp cocktail over the crab cakes (as an example).

    Don't get so caught up in the minutia...and yes, fighting over sides and/or entrees is minutia...that you all forget the wedding day is about you and your FI getting married and celebrating the occasion with friends and family.  I promise, on the day of, as long as there is enough food and people are enjoying themselves, you all aren't even going to worry about that your parents chose Steak Diane over Rosemary Chicken or whatever.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Ro041 said:
    Yeah, you really need to change your attitude towards your parents.  You come across very entitled and I am sure that is not what you are intending.  When someone pays thousands/tens of thousands of dollars for a party, they are being EXTREMELY generous and they should be included in the decision-making.  If you want to have the attitude that it is YOUR wedding and THEY need to keep THEIR mouths shut, return their money and pay for it yourself.

    Many of us paid for our own weddings and were still gracious enough to include parents and other family in the decision-making if they wanted to be a part of it.  Please be kinder to your very generous parents.
    ditto.  We did this, we paid for the food/venue but I trusted my parents input and opinions, and they flew from Tennessee to New York to participate in some of the planning.  I also wanted them to meet H's side of the family before the wedding. 

    short+sassyahoyweddingRo041
  • My parents paid for a good portion of our wedding and I WANTED them to come to things with us. It didn't work out that we could do a tasting when they were here (they live in a different state), but we included them as much as possible. If they're paying, they get a say. If you want to focus on ~*~*YOUR DAY~*~* then you need to pay for the whole shebang. 
    ShesSoColdMesmrEwe
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Yep - your parents have every reason to be there since it's their money that is paying for the food at your reception.  Now - do they get the ultimate say in the final menu, so-so as you have to choose hills to die on.  If they want the Prime Rib and you want the Tenderloin, that's not a hill to die on.  Now if you/FI have a food sensitivity to black beans and they want the crusted fish with black bean casserole, or FI's family won't eat pork and they want the bacon chutney, those are worthy hills.  

    With money comes strings and expectations.  If you're aren't willing to meet these, then you need to pay for those details yourselves.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    short+sassy
  • GBCKGBCK
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    You know your parents...
    What happens if you say "mom/dad, I really don't want you to come and taste this food you're paying for"
    (My dad would say "OK" and be OK w/ it....but my dad ALSO wouldn't/didn't pay for my wedding in any way shape or form, and if he had been paying, he wouldn't have put a penny down until tastings had happened and he was confident someone besides me [someone who wasn't 'wedding clouded' had been in on the tasting)

    What happens if you say "mom/dad, I really want this to be a decision Fi and I make, so we're going to pay for the reception ourselves"?  
    (And this shouldn't be a bluff.  And if you can't do that, then I think you get to accept that with money come strings.  always.  for all time)
  • Zero input from other people is how these things happen. 

    NSFW and kind of long. But amazing in a terrible way.  ;) 

    https://www.facebook.com/djsweeby/videos/2163500203975075/
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    mrsconn23 said:
    Zero input from other people is how these things happen. 

    NSFW and kind of long. But amazing in a terrible way.  ;) 

    https://www.facebook.com/djsweeby/videos/2163500203975075/
    I couldn't get through that. Lame-ass choreography and cringeworthy to boot. Just... WHY.
    ________________________________


    mrsconn23InLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    I tried to watch it, hoping that someone tripped or something embarrassing (even more embarrassing than the actual dance). Like 5 minutes in, I gave up. Did anyone notice the guy sitting on the floor looking down and/or sleeping? I feel like everyone in the room wanted to be that guy.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    mrsconn23
  • mrsconn23 said:
    Zero input from other people is how these things happen. 

    NSFW and kind of long. But amazing in a terrible way.  ;) 

    https://www.facebook.com/djsweeby/videos/2163500203975075/
    I couldn't get through that. Lame-ass choreography and cringeworthy to boot. Just... WHY.
    I want to know how she got her bridesmaids to go along with it.  They all looked like they wanted to die or melt into the floor.  The bride had to be cashing in on a debt.  ;) 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    mrsconn23 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    Zero input from other people is how these things happen. 

    NSFW and kind of long. But amazing in a terrible way.  ;) 

    https://www.facebook.com/djsweeby/videos/2163500203975075/
    I couldn't get through that. Lame-ass choreography and cringeworthy to boot. Just... WHY.
    I want to know how she got her bridesmaids to go along with it.  They all looked like they wanted to die or melt into the floor.  The bride had to be cashing in on a debt.  ;) 
    Omg, it took me like halfway through to see it, but one of the BMs is like 6 months pregnant too. It's soooo awkward. None of them look even remotely happy. The guests look embarrassed and awkward, and the bride herself doesn't even seem like she's into it. Plus the choreography is lame. 


    image
    mrsconn23
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Omg. 5:11 of the video. I cannot. 


    image
  • 6fsn6fsn
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member

    Kudos to the pregnant one still being able to get to the floor like that.  I'd have fallen face first. 

    As for the rest- I'm guessing they were a community college dance team.

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    It just kept getting worse! And I love the groom's expression through a lot of it. He looks awkward and uncomfortable. 

    And at 1:01, I really hope she was wearing granny panties under that dress cause I don't want an eyeful of that!

    I don't care if the bride had literally taken a bullet for me, no way would I have agreed to participate. Who thinks this is appropriate in front of 150 other people? 

  • CasadenaCasadena
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    I was in a wedding once where the bride wanted to do choreographed dance "for her new husband".  l'm so glad all the bridesmaids were rational people who conveniently could never all meet at the same time to practice....it ended up fizzling, thank god.
  • Ro041Ro041
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Unless you and all your friends are in Cirque du Soleil, please spare us!  I couldn't get through a minute in that video because I just felt so uncomfortable for all of them.  

  • Lol. My dh hasn’t to learn an choreographed Indian dance for his brothers wedding (wife is Indian) bc her bridesmaids we’re convinced they HAD to do a dance for her. Poor guys. All the groomsmen were TERRIBLE and it was cringeworthy, but I could giggle from afar... until they tried to get all the guests to join in and I ran away as fast as I could. 

    Just say noooooo
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards