Family friend throwing party 2 weeks after

Knottie32526855

So my FI and I decided when we got engaged to do a small private ceremony with our immediate family and wedding party. In total its going to be 16 people including us and we will be going out to a dinner after.

However, a close family friend of FI has asked if she could throw a party two weekends after to celebrate our marriage (I have a sneaking suspicion that my FMIL was in on this as he is her only child). We've said yes and she has booked a venue for a Friday night. 

My question is, since it is a Friday night and extended family that will be invited are out of town people, should she send out some form of save the dates or just send out invitations further in advance? I don't want this to appear as a wedding at all, but I do want those who choose to come to have enough notice to take off work/make travel arrangements.

Thanks in advance!

bubblylove

To me, save the dates are only for very formal events like a wedding. Send it three or four weeks in advance like any other party. I simply wouldn't expect out of town people to attend - especially on a Friday night. That means they would likely have to miss work. And after all it's not your wedding or reception. It's just a gathering. 

MobKaz

I agree with @bubblylove.  If I were local and invited to a “meet the newlyweds” party, I might attend if it hadn’t been a long work week.  If it would require me to travel, then I would most probably decline.  I would have little interest in taking time off from work, and going to the trouble and cost of a hotel, and possibly transportation, for a few hours to meet and celebrate anything or anyone.  

If FMIL is somewhat “behind” this arrangement, she will just have to understand that her son and you made a choice, and she needs to respect it.  


ETA:  You started a post back in January asking whether you could host this “after celebration” yourself.  Your decision then was to forge ahead with the plans.  How did that decision suddenly become a party being thrown by a “family friend”, with an inference that this was something in which you may not have had any interest?  Something isn’t quite right.......

MobKaz

Knottie32526855 said:

So my FI and I decided when we got engaged to do a small private ceremony with our immediate family and wedding party. In total its going to be 16 people including us and we will be going out to a dinner after.

However, a close family friend of FI has asked if she could throw a party two weekends after to celebrate our marriage (I have a sneaking suspicion that my FMIL was in on this as he is her only child). We've said yes and she has booked a venue for a Friday night. 

My question is, since it is a Friday night and extended family that will be invited are out of town people, should she send out some form of save the dates or just send out invitations further in advance? I don't want this to appear as a wedding at all, but I do want those who choose to come to have enough notice to take off work/make travel arrangements.

Thanks in advance!

JIC

Knottie32526855

MobKaz said:

I agree with @bubblylove.  If I were local and invited to a “meet the newlyweds” party, I might attend if it hadn’t been a long work week.  If it would require me to travel, then I would most probably decline.  I would have little interest in taking time off from work, and going to the trouble and cost of a hotel, and possibly transportation, for a few hours to meet and celebrate anything or anyone.  

If FMIL is somewhat “behind” this arrangement, she will just have to understand that her son and you made a choice, and she needs to respect it.  


ETA:  You started a post back in January asking whether you could host this “after celebration” yourself.  Your decision then was to forge ahead with the plans.  How did that decision suddenly become a party being thrown by a “family friend”, with an inference that this was something in which you may not have had any interest?  Something isn’t quite right.......

When FI and I were first figuring out what we wanted to do we were originally planning on hosting something similar after the wedding. After thinking on it for a month or so after I asked for advice, we ended up deciding not to have anything  once we looked more into it (money/lack of wanting to plan two gatherings). Fast forword 4 months and FIs family friend tells his parents they want to throw us a party so here we are. We both could take or leave a party, but we both felt we couldn’t turn them down on their offer. 

I am completely understanding of people who work not wanting to come, I barely want to do anything all weekend after a long week. However a lot of my extended family members are retired and able to travel, if given enough notice. 

It’s sounding like save the dates would be odd to send which was what I was thinking but wanted to confirm as the family friend and FMIL were asking if we wanted to send them out. 

missJeanLouise

Your family friend should send the invites out 4-6 weeks ahead of time and skip the StDs. Feel free to mention the event to the family organizer/ gossip, they can make sure people know by word of mouth.

[Deleted User]

Definitely agree with @missJeanLouise. I would try and stay out of the planning as much as possible, but ask that it be kept casual. You don't want it to look like a double reception.