I feel like every other letter is just DTMFA

baconsmom

Dear Prudence, 
Three years ago, the FBI showed up at the home of my sister-in-law, “Lois,” unannounced with a search warrant for the electronics of her husband, “Gary.” They discovered that Gary had been searching for and downloading child pornography. He claimed that he had a pornography addiction and that he had accidentally downloaded child pornography in an attempt to view “barely legal” content. Lois and Gary have a small child, and when I discovered his search terms (as listed on the warrant) were specific to children his son’s age, I made a report to child protective services. (I’m a mandated reporter but would have made the report regardless.) This created a huge divide in the family that persists three years later. I tried to be upfront and include Lois in the process, and to help her make a plan I believed CPS would be happy about. However, my parents-in-law were angry that I did this and felt the only way to support Lois was to immediately forgive Gary and accept whatever his “defense” was. My mother-in-law is very committed to her own 12-step recovery program and immediately identified with his “addiction” explanation. Gary eventually pleaded guilty, spent six months in jail, and is back living in our community. It appears their marriage will survive, and he is having overnights in their home again.

My wife and I (and at least some of her siblings) received a “making amends” letter in the mail from Gary. He apologized without going into detail about what he did and included a three-page résumé regarding the spiritual counsel he’s received and his work as a mentor to others with his addiction. I feel this is all utter nonsense. The more I’ve thought about it the more I worry that our silence is seen as an “acceptance” of his amends. Our relationships with Lois and with my mother- and father-in-law have been severely damaged. I worry for the safety of my nephew, who now appears to have unsupervised time with his father. Does not replying to this letter give my in-laws the impression that we’re willing to keep the peace? Or worse, give them the impression we forgive him?
—Mandated Reporter

levioosa

Nope. Child abusers and pedophiles don’t get forgiveness. And I’d make another CPS report if I knew he was having unsupervised time with children. Something tells me that might be against his parole. 

InLoveInQueens

Holy crap OP should be on the phone to CPS every time they hear about him having unsupervised time with this child. This is just disgusting and his excuse is absolute bs (and the same one every person caught with CP comes up with, which fools no one except those with blinders on).

If the in-laws want to embrace a pedophile who has access to their young family member, they don't deserve a relationship with OP and the rest of their rational family. And they deserve all the CPS calls they should be getting.

short+sassy

I "love" how the family divide was caused by the LW trying to protect his SIL's child, smh.

The fact that the "search terms" matched the nephew's demographics is the nail in the coffin for me.

I'd also tend to bet that we aren't talking about just a few "downloads".  Not to mention, even if it was an "accidental" download, then why wouldn't it have been immediately deleted?  Because that's what a normal person, especially a parent, would do if they opened a file and found to their horror that it contained child porn.

It's sickening that the mother is grasping at whatever straws her H throws at her, rather than face the hard truth.  That's he's a pedophile and their own son is in danger.

I know the LW is most concerned about his nephew.  But any of the nephew's friends will be in danger also.  Possibly more so because some pedophiles have no interest in their own children. 

banana468

Recovery from substance is quite different than recovering from felonious acts involving children.

If you want to forgive Gary then by all means MIL, extend that olive branch.

But FFS don't be stupid.  The well being of a child is far more important than the ego of a pedophile.  I would report and would continue to report until the child is of age.   

I'd also consult an expert in this to discuss the best course of action as a mandated reporter and what is best FOR THE CHILD.  

Jen4948

That "apology" does not impress me. I would still report him to CPS any time he was with a child either unsupervised or where there was a possibility that he was unsupervised. The child's well-being has to take priority over all else every time.

MyNameIsNot

Where is LW's spouse in all this? I'm very confused that LW talks about their relationship with the ILs, but never mentions anything at all about the blood related spouse.

Nonetheless, a child is in danger. Keep on reporting everything. I don't really care whether the ILs think I've forgiven or am being silent or whatever. The only thing that matters is that this child is protected.