Reception Ideas

People keep telling me it will be boring.

13

Re: People keep telling me it will be boring.

  • debbeaudebbeau
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    I was at a shower 2 weeks ago with 50 people. They had 2 bathrooms. After about an hour one got clogged from too much use. By the end of the party they were both clogged.  They aren’t pretty but port-a-potty’s would have been great.
    ernursejahoywedding
  • There really is no such thing as a "low-key" wedding for 150 people. I do not think that word means what you think it means. There are casual weddings, but they have to be orchestrated every bit as much as a fancy gala in a hotel ballroom.

    When my kids were in high school, I was one of the cooks for the drama kids. During tech week, we'd serve dinner every night to about 50-60 cast, crew, and faculty members. That's about a third of the guests you are expecting. And even though our meals were simple, you can bet they involved a virtual ballet of shopping, planning, executing and clean-up. So from the diners' perspective, the meals were "low-key," but from the perspective of the planners, they were anything but.

    If you want your guests to relax and have that low-key feeling, you will need to work very hard behind the scenes before your big day. At the very least, this includes planning to feed them lunch at lunch hour and to have enough toilets. Renting portable ones will save a lot of work for your poor aunt!
  • Thank you for the opinions and advice, but I am more than sure that it will work out. We expect about 100 people that actually show up. But we really have to just stop sharing all the details. my future mother-in-law is giving us a big chunk of money towards this wedding, and we keep trying to explain to her that we don't want to make her spend more than she originally agreed to, so we feel bad to tell her no every time she gives us an idea. In fact, we have done such a great job staying on budget that her contribution is more than covering all the details. We decided to move the food up an hour, but we will have heavy apps ready after the ceremony because my future mother in law wanted to serve certain items and she offered to add some food items. We totally expect the day to end early but anyone who wants to keep the party going can stick around all night with us. We don't have plans that night anyway, we plan to sleep at my aunts house, and my mother in law is going to drive us home the next morning. We hope our relaxed attitude helps our guests relax.
  • I had someone ask me why don't I just get married at the justice of the peace. I thought it was very rude, and it makes it seem like nobody cares enough to see us get married, and they don't seem to understand that it's my wedding and we can have a casual party because we aren't party animals. At what point am I allowed to say that it is my wedding and this is the laid-back kind of pool party I want?
  • And I'll add, I'm going to a party at a pool at the end of the month, but there's an understood deal on parking, bathrooms and food.   I'm not worried at all about it and my only real concern is making sure I am ready to suit up if needed for my kids.    


  • Add me to the group confused over what “not being a party animal” has to do with anything.  I know party animals.  They still like to eat, and they don’t like long bathroom lines. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    “Everything is covered. Except there won’t be enough timely food, enough bathrooms, or enough seating. It’s cool though bcuz low keyyyyyy.”

    Seriously OP, do you hear yourself? I just can’t get over this lackadaisical attitude towards your guests. I throw “low key events” for small to medium sized (up to 30 guests as we have a small house) groups all the time. Guess what, for that amount of people I still spent a crap ton of energy and time (and money)  preparing. “Low key” BBQ vibe type events are not the same as “low planning” events. They take a lot of time and effort. This is where you’re going south. No one has an issue with the type of event you want. No one is telling you to book DJ Khalid and turn it up. We are saying you need adequate food, drinks, and a bathroom. Those are minimums for any event, “low key” or not. A pool party does not preclude you from needing to provide the bare minimum. 


    image
    ahoyweddingshort+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • levioosa said:
    “Everything is covered. Except there won’t be enough timely food, enough bathrooms, or enough seating. It’s cool though bcuz low keyyyyyy.”

    Seriously OP, do you hear yourself? I just can’t get over this lackadaisical attitude towards your guests. I throw “low key events” for small to medium sized (up to 30 guests as we have a small house) groups all the time. Guess what, for that amount of people I still spent a crap ton of energy and time (and money)  preparing. “Low key” BBQ vibe type events are not the same as “low planning” events. They take a lot of time and effort. This is where you’re going south. No one has an issue with the type of event you want. No one is telling you to book DJ Khalid and turn it up. We are saying you need adequate food, drinks, and a bathroom. Those are minimums for any event, “low key” or not. A pool party does not preclude you from needing to provide the bare minimum. 
    And this is the same person who is "embarrassed" at her shower host for some minute thing and is nitpicking the dresses her bridesmaids bought after being told they could wear whatever they wanted.

    Seriously, OP, you need to refocus your energies. Because you're finding a way for everything in someone else's control to be wrong and the the things that ARE wrong and in your control, you're choosing to bury your head.
    For real, OP from every post you've made it's crystal clear that you are anything but laid back. People really want to help you have an event that your guests will remember [for good reasons, not for the bad ones that they will remember it for if you go down your current path] but you really just refuse to read and understand what people are saying.

    Your other posts about your shower host and bridesmaids dresses are all the proof anyone needs to see just how much you care about yourself and minor things that no one else will care about and this post shows just how little you care about your family and friends. If you don't care about their experience, asking why not just elope is a legitimate question and it's not people being rude. It's people being confused as to why you're going through with hosting an event you obviously are ill-prepared to "host".
    ahoyweddingernursejeileenrob
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Thank you for the opinions and advice, but I am more than sure that it will work out. We expect about 100 people that actually show up. But we really have to just stop sharing all the details. my future mother-in-law is giving us a big chunk of money towards this wedding, and we keep trying to explain to her that we don't want to make her spend more than she originally agreed to, so we feel bad to tell her no every time she gives us an idea. In fact, we have done such a great job staying on budget that her contribution is more than covering all the details. We decided to move the food up an hour, but we will have heavy apps ready after the ceremony because my future mother in law wanted to serve certain items and she offered to add some food items. We totally expect the day to end early but anyone who wants to keep the party going can stick around all night with us. We don't have plans that night anyway, we plan to sleep at my aunts house, and my mother in law is going to drive us home the next morning. We hope our relaxed attitude helps our guests relax.
    I keep coming back to this.

    You haven't "done such a great job staying in the budget" - you're intentionally omitting very important, very necessary things. If I go to the grocery store with $100, only buy one can of soup and come home with $98, I haven't done a good job with my budget because I don't have the things I need. 

    And your MIL's gift "is more than covering the details"? MORE THAN? So you're pocketing some of this money in lieu of hosting properly? 

    Your "relaxed attitude" won't help your guests relax. It will make them even more irritated than you couldn't be bothered to ensure they had a place to urinate.
    This! You're like my SIL who brags about how good she is with money all the time because she no debt, but her mother pays all her bills. She is not good with money, she's a mooch!

    OP, you are not laid back. You are just showing that you don't care about anyone but yourself. That is not  the same thing at all. 
    short+sassy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Thank you for the opinions and advice, but I am more than sure that it will work out. We expect about 100 people that actually show up. But we really have to just stop sharing all the details. my future mother-in-law is giving us a big chunk of money towards this wedding, and we keep trying to explain to her that we don't want to make her spend more than she originally agreed to, so we feel bad to tell her no every time she gives us an idea. In fact, we have done such a great job staying on budget that her contribution is more than covering all the details. We decided to move the food up an hour, but we will have heavy apps ready after the ceremony because my future mother in law wanted to serve certain items and she offered to add some food items. We totally expect the day to end early but anyone who wants to keep the party going can stick around all night with us. We don't have plans that night anyway, we plan to sleep at my aunts house, and my mother in law is going to drive us home the next morning. We hope our relaxed attitude helps our guests relax.
    I keep coming back to this.

    You haven't "done such a great job staying in the budget" - you're intentionally omitting very important, very necessary things. If I go to the grocery store with $100, only buy one can of soup and come home with $98, I haven't done a good job with my budget because I don't have the things I need. 

    And your MIL's gift "is more than covering the details"? MORE THAN? So you're pocketing some of this money in lieu of hosting properly? 

    Your "relaxed attitude" won't help your guests relax. It will make them even more irritated than you couldn't be bothered to ensure they had a place to urinate.
    This! You're like my SIL who brags about how good she is with money all the time because she no debt, but her mother pays all her bills. She is not good with money, she's a mooch!

    OP, you are not laid back. You are just showing that you don't care about anyone but yourself. That is not  the same thing at all. 


    Not so much directed at the OP, but this reminds me of an article I read...yes, someone actually wrote this article...that was praising a couple who threw a wedding reception for over 100 people that was only $80.

    Reading the title of the article, me: that is literally impossible, unless they were rude AF.

    As it turns out, the title was misleading.  AND the couple was rude AF, lol.

    The reception cost vastly more than $80.  $80 was merely what the couple spent on it.  Because total cost vs. the couple's cost is NOT the same thing, smh.

    They held the ceremony and reception at their farm.  Then threw out a "word of mouth" cattle call to their guests for all the things they needed and would appreciate being loaned or given.  Like decorations.  Tables and chairs.  Food and drinks.  Etc. 

    My favorite post after the article was a woman who "got it" and said something like, "This is news?  I can beat this couple.  My husband and I had a 160 person wedding and reception with a DJ, dinner, and an open bar.  Our event cost nothing!!!...though our parents paid a total of $35K."  LMAO.

    LOL! That's  like a girl I know who is the "gifts should cover your plate" type. She bragged, "We MADE money on our wedding." No you didn't; your parents probably shelled out $50k for that wedding while you got $20k in gifts. 
    ________________________________


    short+sassycharlotte989875
  • Not so much directed at the OP, but this reminds me of an article I read...yes, someone actually wrote this article...that was praising a couple who threw a wedding reception for over 100 people that was only $80.

    Reading the title of the article, me: that is literally impossible, unless they were rude AF.

    As it turns out, the title was misleading.  AND the couple was rude AF, lol.

    The reception cost vastly more than $80.  $80 was merely what the couple spent on it.  Because total cost vs. the couple's cost is NOT the same thing, smh.

    They held the ceremony and reception at their farm.  Then threw out a "word of mouth" cattle call to their guests for all the things they needed and would appreciate being loaned or given.  Like decorations.  Tables and chairs.  Food and drinks.  Etc. 

    My favorite post after the article was a woman who "got it" and said something like, "This is news?  I can beat this couple.  My husband and I had a 160 person wedding and reception with a DJ, dinner, and an open bar.  Our event cost nothing!!!...though our parents paid a total of $35K."  LMAO.

    LOL! That's  like a girl I know who is the "gifts should cover your plate" type. She bragged, "We MADE money on our wedding." No you didn't; your parents probably shelled out $50k for that wedding while you got $20k in gifts. 

    Aside from the rudeness, the one thing I have always found puzzling about that "guideline" is, how would I know how much my plate is?

    I could make a really rough guess.  Really rough.  And if a guest had never planned a "per head" type of event before, they would probably be WAY off.

    I remember the first time I planned a corporate Xmas party.  I was given a budget of $100/person.  I was initially thinking, "Right on!  So generous!  I should have all kinds of great choices."  HAHAHAHAHA.  So young.  So naïve, lol.  Because that $100/person needed to include the open bar.  The tax.  The mandatory tip...for both the food and the bar.  It was still reasonable and doable.  But no top choices and it eliminated a few restaurants we were considering.  

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ernursej
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member

    Not so much directed at the OP, but this reminds me of an article I read...yes, someone actually wrote this article...that was praising a couple who threw a wedding reception for over 100 people that was only $80.

    Reading the title of the article, me: that is literally impossible, unless they were rude AF.

    As it turns out, the title was misleading.  AND the couple was rude AF, lol.

    The reception cost vastly more than $80.  $80 was merely what the couple spent on it.  Because total cost vs. the couple's cost is NOT the same thing, smh.

    They held the ceremony and reception at their farm.  Then threw out a "word of mouth" cattle call to their guests for all the things they needed and would appreciate being loaned or given.  Like decorations.  Tables and chairs.  Food and drinks.  Etc. 

    My favorite post after the article was a woman who "got it" and said something like, "This is news?  I can beat this couple.  My husband and I had a 160 person wedding and reception with a DJ, dinner, and an open bar.  Our event cost nothing!!!...though our parents paid a total of $35K."  LMAO.

    LOL! That's  like a girl I know who is the "gifts should cover your plate" type. She bragged, "We MADE money on our wedding." No you didn't; your parents probably shelled out $50k for that wedding while you got $20k in gifts. 

    Aside from the rudeness, the one thing I have always found puzzling about that "guideline" is, how would I know how much my plate is?

    I could make a really rough guess.  Really rough.  And if a guest had never planned a "per head" type of event before, they would probably be WAY off.

    I remember the first time I planned a corporate Xmas party.  I was given a budget of $100/person.  I was initially thinking, "Right on!  So generous!  I should have all kinds of great choices."  HAHAHAHAHA.  So young.  So naïve, lol.  Because that $100/person needed to include the open bar.  The tax.  The mandatory tip...for both the food and the bar.  It was still reasonable and doable.  But no top choices and it eliminated a few restaurants we were considering.  

    Not to mention, does "covering your plate" factor in special deals and discounts as well as taxes and tips? 

    Hosts who expect their guests to "cover their plates" by rights owe refunds to guests who cover the base amounts of their hospitality costs before applying any discounts or price reductions. Wouldn't that be nice. Yeah, not happening.
  • If your mother in law is contributing, and she’s making suggestions about what you should do with the money, you need to listen to her. You don’t have to do everything, but since she is paying she does get a say in how her money is spent. 
  • well, my future mother-in-law is really gracious and hasn't told us what to do with the money, they're just paying for all of the vendors directly. So I don't want to hand her a bill for something that may not be necessary because of my sister or a friend's opinion.

    It's crazy because my sister was married already and she had a very expensive wedding, and it was really fancy and the food was good and I could go on and on and on, but she was so stressed about planning and worried about every little detail, I'm not sure exactly how much she got to enjoy her wedding. She was so concerned with every detail, and I never heard anybody complaining about that wedding, but I want to learn from her mistakes and I don't want to stress so much that I end up not enjoying my own wedding.
  • ernursejernursej
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    well, my future mother-in-law is really gracious and hasn't told us what to do with the money, they're just paying for all of the vendors directly. So I don't want to hand her a bill for something that may not be necessary because of my sister or a friend's opinion.

    It's crazy because my sister was married already and she had a very expensive wedding, and it was really fancy and the food was good and I could go on and on and on, but she was so stressed about planning and worried about every little detail, I'm not sure exactly how much she got to enjoy her wedding. She was so concerned with every detail, and I never heard anybody complaining about that wedding, but I want to learn from her mistakes and I don't want to stress so much that I end up not enjoying my own wedding.
    But what’s going to end up happening is your guests are not going to enjoy your wedding. And not because they need it to be a fancy party but because they’re going to be hungry and need to pee. 

    This doesn’t have to be stressful, but seriously you need to cover the basics. 

    I had a very laid back wedding (some stress on me) but the day of was easy peasy because I had all the basics (and more) covered. We didn't have dancing, a cake or any speeches. It was quick ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner and then people went home. No one thought our wedding was boring because we ensured they had a lot of great food to eat and they socialized with others.
    charlotte989875eileenrobshort+sassyahoywedding
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    well, my future mother-in-law is really gracious and hasn't told us what to do with the money, they're just paying for all of the vendors directly. So I don't want to hand her a bill for something that may not be necessary because of my sister or a friend's opinion.

    It's crazy because my sister was married already and she had a very expensive wedding, and it was really fancy and the food was good and I could go on and on and on, but she was so stressed about planning and worried about every little detail, I'm not sure exactly how much she got to enjoy her wedding. She was so concerned with every detail, and I never heard anybody complaining about that wedding, but I want to learn from her mistakes and I don't want to stress so much that I end up not enjoying my own wedding.
    I think a well planned and well funded/budgeted wedding should be relatively stress free.  You may find you are not stressing much now, but it is a false sense of ease.  If you do not reconsider some of the suggestions being made NOW, your reception will cause you all sorts of stress and disappointment. 
  • well, my future mother-in-law is really gracious and hasn't told us what to do with the money, they're just paying for all of the vendors directly. So I don't want to hand her a bill for something that may not be necessary because of my sister or a friend's opinion.

    It's crazy because my sister was married already and she had a very expensive wedding, and it was really fancy and the food was good and I could go on and on and on, but she was so stressed about planning and worried about every little detail, I'm not sure exactly how much she got to enjoy her wedding. She was so concerned with every detail, and I never heard anybody complaining about that wedding, but I want to learn from her mistakes and I don't want to stress so much that I end up not enjoying my own wedding.
    Here's the thing though: you can stress about the details because they're YOUR details.

    I host events in my home all the time.   They're casual but I stress about them because I'm hosting guests.  The type of event does not equal no stress hosting.

    The easiest event I hosted was DD's first communion because the food was catered so I only had to have the house clean and plenty to drink.   I still fretted about a vacuumed floor and napkins and making sure that the table was set but it was a load of my back to not have to cook for 25 people.

    As PPs said, the way you limit stress is to ensure all bases are covered and you focus on your guests' enjoyment.   That may even mean hiring a DOC so YOU aren't doing all the tasks - but that doesn't mean that you reduce what you offer so you do less.
    charlotte989875Jen4948ahoywedding
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