Dear Prudence,
About four years ago, I made the decision not to return to university for junior year. It was the most difficult choice I’d ever had to make. My best friend at the time, Melanie, took it very badly. After months of fighting, denigrating my decision, complaining about not getting enough attention, and reminding me how much my choice harmed other people, the friendship began to wear on me and I ended it. Another friend from school, Josh, stuck by me, and we ended up dating. We have been in a fairly serious relationship for about two years now, entirely long-distance. He is a wonderful partner: funny, kind, curious, intelligent.
Melanie and Josh are also friends. Although I don’t love this, I have worked to come to terms with it. Josh rarely mentions her to me or vice versa. Recently, Melanie became upset with him for keeping his latest visit to me a secret. Josh thought she had every right to be upset, and felt guilty that he had kept this from his “closest friend.” He hates being in the middle of a situation he cannot fix. Although I was aware they socialize, I had no idea they were so close. It makes me deeply uncomfortable to know that he is so close to her—and that he kept it from me. I have no desire to let Melanie back into my life, but I also do not want to lose Josh. How do I move forward knowing my boyfriend continues to be close friends with my ex–best friend?
—Concerned and Conflicted