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Father/Daughter dance advice needed

knottied6a90120757a5f3eknottied6a90120757a5f3e Connecticut member
First Anniversary First Comment
a little advice needed. My bio dad was played a back seat roll my entire life. My step dad raised me. However, he has now passed. I would like to honor him by dancing with my brother to “Dance With my Father” in his memory. 

But....I am also dancing with my bio dad. Is this too much? And if I do both, which song should come
first??  I don’t want to hurt my bio dads feelings, but I really want to honor my step dad. 

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Answers

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2018
    I would limit your spotlight dances to one with your FI and one with your stepdad.

    First, too many spotlight dances commands attention from your guests for too long, while preventing them from actively participating themselves.

    Second, there's no reason you can't dance with your brother, but it should be a dance with him in his own capacity, not to "remember" someone else. Your brother probably won't appreciate being asked to dance as a memorial gesture, especially to remember his own father. You can dance to a song your father enjoyed, but don't make it a spotlight dance.

    There are appropriate ways of "remembering" your father, such as by providing food, drinks, or decorations he would have enjoyed or are associated with him, giving him a tribute in a wedding program, or mentioning him briefly in a speech (in a non-lugubrious way). You can also provide other music or entertainment your father would have enjoyed.

    But you need to be subtle about any "memorials" to your father at your wedding so as not to invoke any sense of grief or loss. Your wedding is not a sequel to your father's funeral, and it should be a happy occasion.
    short+sassy
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I agree that two "dad" dances are too much.

    Personally I'd do the dance with your dad and find other subtle ways to honor your stepdad that day. Key word though, subtle. Nothing brings a wedding mood down like reminders of the people who have passed.

    You can do something like use a tie of his around your bouquet or sewn into your dress, play his favorite song (but not announce its purpose), serve his favorite appetizer or beer, things like that. An old poster here had a hat stand in the corner of the room with the hat her dad wore every day hanging on it. No one except her knew why it was there and I thought it was such a beautiful way to include a subtle touch without it being in-your-face.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    short+sassy
  • Echoing the others to dance with your brother but not as a spotlight dance.   
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    a little advice needed. My bio dad was played a back seat roll my entire life. My step dad raised me. However, he has now passed. I would like to honor him by dancing with my brother to “Dance With my Father” in his memory. 

    But....I am also dancing with my bio dad. Is this too much? And if I do both, which song should come
    first??  I don’t want to hurt my bio dads feelings, but I really want to honor my step dad. 
    There are appropriate ways to remember your father at your wedding, but I agree with the PPs that a spotlight dance with someone else (especially a sibling, who might be feeling grief and loss for his parent) isn't an appropriate way to do it.

    There's no reason you can't dance with your brother, but don't make it a spotlight dance or in your father's memory. I'd use a different song.
  • The fewer performances there are at a wedding, the better. People watch the ceremony, which can be long if it's a religious ceremony, and then they just want to be participants at the reception. Decide on one or two dances where you are the star, and then let your guests join you.

    You can honor your step dad by listing him in your wedding program (if you have one) with an asterisk by his name. That's a common way to honor deceased family members.  If you don't do programs, you can ask your maid of honor to work in a kind mention of him in her toast.
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