Etiquette

Uninviting

My fiancé and I invited his co-workers and owners of his company to our wedding. He work(ed)
for a small-ish family run technology company. His only boss(es) are / were the owners of the
company. A few other coworkers whom he is more friendly with are also invited to the wedding.
The issue is the fact that he was laid off from work this past week. The total number of family
members that are invited to the wedding is 7 people including all spouses, all who have already
given wedding shower gifts and RSVP-ed yes to the wedding. He was let go of because of lack
of work, not fired. They actually pitched him other jobs he should apply for. A demotion and part
time position was offered to him. All of this occurred just barely over 30 days away from the
wedding, which they are all fully aware of. My fiancé is hurt by this and feels that him being laid
off is a very derogatory move on the family’s end and feels as if seeing them on our wedding day
is only going to cause anger and frustration for him. He would like to somehow, ‘respectfully,’
un-invite them from the wedding but we are unsure of how to proceed from here (Wedding gifts,
all of them already RSVP-ing ‘yes’ to the wedding, etc). Advise would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Uninviting

  • I replied to this last night and it seems to have vanished, so I'll try again:

    It's always hard to lose a job, and I'm sorry your fiance is going through that right now. But there's no such thing as "respectfully" uninviting someone. If you invite someone to a wedding, they accept, and then you tell them you no longer want them there, you're essentially saying that you don't want them in your life anymore. 

    Considering that your fiance was laid off due to lack of work, rather than fired,  his former employer could recommend him for other jobs or might even rehire him if business picked up again. It already sounds like they feel really bad about having to let him go and want to help him out. If you uninvite them, he can forget about all that. Maybe your fiance has been so hurt by what happened that he's okay with severing the relationship, but if there's any chance that these people really could help him out in the future, he needs to reconsider. This is a pretty big bridge to burn.
    image
    ahoyweddingthisismynickname2
  • I think your FI needs to look at this from a business perspective.  Was there a better time for him to be laid off?  

    He has every right to feel sad but I think he's not viewing this intelligently.  The company needs to plan for their business and not their employees weddings.  If they're trying to put him in contact with other potential opportunities they're clearly wanting him to succeed.   That they may not be promotions as hardly a valid complaint.  

    Those guests need to remain as guests and you and your FI need to not burn bridges.
    charlotte989875eileenrobahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • As a mentor of mine put it... "There are bridges to cross and bridges to burn..."  Given they're trying to help him find other positions, probably one best to cross because he's going to need their recommendation when applying for future positions. 

    Really, there's no diplomatic way to "uninvite" and that'd be burning a bridge he very well may need.  OTOH, there's the "This is super awkward and we're about to put our numbers in and wanted to double-check the RSVP that in light of the fact that the RSVP was before you laid me off", gives them a diplomatic out (especially if he uses the tone that finances are suddenly tight right now - and tone ONLY!)...  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    ahoywedding
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Burning this bridge is a terrible idea. There wasn't bad blood, he wasn't fired with malice. His bosses even tried to find him other work! Uninviting them is petty at best and at worst can affect his future career. 


    image
    ahoyweddingthisismynickname2charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • ahoyweddingahoywedding
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited August 6
    Uninviting someone, especially this close to the wedding, is a relationship-ending move. It seems like he left on good terms, and the owners of the company feel bad they had to make that decision. Just for the sake of his career alone, don't do anything to damage that relationship. They may decide not to come to be respectful or because they'd worry about feeling awkward, but don't uninvite them. There isn't really a "polite" way to do that.

    We did uninvite one couple to our wedding, but they did something very awful and friendship-ending, and we were all too happy to never see them again. And it wasn't like we told they they were no longer invited; we had sent the STDs and decided before invites went out we no longer wanted them in our lives. 

    edit: spelling
    InLoveInQueenseileenrobMesmrEwe
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Another vote for not burning that bridge. Industries are small circles, and people talk. Don't uninvite them. 

    charlotte989875levioosa
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards