Tell sis to back the eff off

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My parents are 76 and healthy, still drive, and participate in a range of community activities. They have had recent medical screenings and have normal cognition for people their age. They haven’t always made great financial decisions—taking jobs at a private school with no pension rather than a public school with a good pension system, for example—but they’re not erratic or unreliable. I’m their executor and have power of attorney, mostly because I live locally but also because my sister is horribly bossy and closed-minded. She wants to make our parents clear all their financial decisions with us and make various changes around their home. If my parents balk, she plans to nag them to death until they acquiesce. I told her that I’d go along with anything (within reason) that our parents want to do but that they’re still capable of making their own decisions. Now, my sister’s on my case—that I’m too close to the situation, that I’m too lackadaisical, that I’m too afraid of confrontation. Can I just tell her to shut up?
—The ’Rents Are All Right, All Right?

ShesSoCold

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
My parents are 76 and healthy, still drive, and participate in a range of community activities. They have had recent medical screenings and have normal cognition for people their age. They haven’t always made great financial decisions—taking jobs at a private school with no pension rather than a public school with a good pension system, for example—but they’re not erratic or unreliable. I’m their executor and have power of attorney, mostly because I live locally but also because my sister is horribly bossy and closed-minded. She wants to make our parents clear all their financial decisions with us and make various changes around their home. If my parents balk, she plans to nag them to death until they acquiesce. I told her that I’d go along with anything (within reason) that our parents want to do but that they’re still capable of making their own decisions. Now, my sister’s on my case—that I’m too close to the situation, that I’m too lackadaisical, that I’m too afraid of confrontation. Can I just tell her to shut up?
—The ’Rents Are All Right, All Right?

Of course you can. Until a doctor tells you all that your parents aren't able to care for themselves or make decisions, they're fine.

Oh! I might use that as "ammo" with the sister. "Well, if they can't make financial decisions, then they probably shouldn't live alone and will need care. What days will you be there to bathe them?".

charlotte989875

Yes, tell her to shut up. 

knottie7d6129cc92a62680

yes, you can tell her that. it's just so impolite

downtondiva

Yes, you can tell her to shut up. While it may be necessary for you to step in at some point with your parents and their finances, there's no reason to do it now. 

Jen4948

Yes, you can tell her to shut up: "Sis, Mom and Dad are both compos mentis adults. It's not up to you how they should spend their money, live their lives or bequeath their estates, and nobody appreciates your bossy attitude."