Don't. Give. Him. All. "His". Money.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Our 19-year-old son is home for a break before beginning his sophomore year of college. His vaping device fell out of his pocket while we were watching TV. All of his money comes from us. He had a “normal” freshman year, with perhaps a bit too much entertainment at the beginning, and grades that started out badly and improved through the year. I’ve discussed the dangers of e-cigarettes with him. Since I essentially paid for this stupid device, can I take it away from him? I know that won’t do any good—he can just buy another. So what do I do now?

—Smoking Scholar

STARMOON44

No. Now you actually parent him and discuss how he needs to get some sort of job to pay for incidentals because you’re not paying for his beer. 

banana468

You talk to your son about the dangers of vaping and then talk about what you will and won't give him.

If he lives in the dorms in college and is on a meal plan then his additional expenses should be relatively minor aside from books at the beginning of the semester. 

So how about NOT giving him spending money instead?  He can then get a job like other people rather than have mom financing the DP Dough, wings and vaping. 

short+sassy

I think it's stupid and petty to take away his vape device.  But, agreed.  He needs to get a p/t job.  Not only will his parents feel better they aren't "subsidizing" a habit they don't approve of, he will also learn the value of a dollar when he actually has to earn them himself.

Brag time.  My parents did what they could to help me with college and living expenses, but I paid for most of it myself.  I even started working p/t in high school to start putting my own college money aside.  I worked p/t all the way through college.  I went to a community college first to save on living expenses.  Then to a state college to save big bucks on tuition, compared to a private university.  I never needed to take out student loans. 

Truth be told, I know I missed out on some of the "college experience".  I grew up in an affluent area and was resentful that so many of my friends could go to whatever college they wanted.  No worries about money or having to work at all.  Not resentful at my parents, just wished I had more of that freedom.  But I learned the value of a dollar early, how to stretch them, and the importance of putting off my "want now's" for a better life later.

thisismynickname2

Letters like this make me wonder WTF these young adults do over the summer. Hello? Summer job?
I had a very low paying, low hour campus job for some spending money but otherwise all my spending money came from my summer job. 

I've never understood parents that don't make their kid work and let them "focus on academics." If your kid graduates with no work experience they're not getting hired anywhere after graduation unless said parent has connections up the wazoo....

ILoveBeachMusic

I worked during college back when the government had work study tied to financial aide packages. We were fortunate enough to be able to send our kids to college without them taking out loans (they didn't qualify for financial aide); however, they each had to work during the summer and had part time jobs during the school year to pay for books and their own entertainment money. DS1 actually had 2 jobs and worked so many hours his senior year that they almost had to make him stop working. However, his job was essential to the department so they figured out a way to keep him on the job. That job helped him get his first job in the "real" world!

ernursej

I think that having a job is an excellent solution. I don't think anyone should be given everything or they don't understand the value of a dollar.

I would have loved for my parents to pay for my university education but they couldn't afford it. They told me that I could live room/board free with them during the 4 years if I stayed in my local city. I chose to stay home and graduated debt free. I certainly missed some college 'experiences' but I'm way farther ahead.

charlotte989875

Unless the money you gave him had specific “do not spend this on things that are bad for your health” you can’t take it away like he’s a child. Talk to him about the health hazards and decide if you want to keep funding his lifestyle. 

I worked in college, and yeah I wish I didn’t have to. But then no one had a say in what I spent my money on. (Booze. I spent a lot of money on booze. )

knottie7d6129cc92a62680

taking the device away from him would only make him more offensive regarding this issue. he might become more rebellious, we don't know. i would suggest a cut for his allowance and to just really give the money for his tuition and maybe dorm fee. and you need to discuss with him what things are important and what are not

thisismynickname2

charlotte989875 said:

Unless the money you gave him had specific “do not spend this on things that are bad for your health” you can’t take it away like he’s a child. Talk to him about the health hazards and decide if you want to keep funding his lifestyle. 

I worked in college, and yeah I wish I didn’t have to. But then no one had a say in what I spent my money on. (Booze. I spent a lot of money on booze. )

I miss 50-cent drafts and $2 u-call-its. 

MesmrEwe

Nope - "The Vape goes or your allowance goes!" Her money her choice! (SNS - vaping is more annoying than being around someone who smokes cigarettes, at least with the Cig, in five minutes it done and gone, with vapes it's like the never ending every couple minutes hit for a lot of people!)...  

Time to wean the kid off the tap and teach them to adult.