Moms and Maids

Expenses Getting Out Of Hand

Hey All,

  So I'm in my oldest friend's wedding in May next year, while planning mine for October (also next year). I'm trying to keep talk of my wedding to myself and my other bridesmaids and let her have this time in the spotlight. That being said, her maid of honor and one of the other maids are constantly asking for us to get this or that and contribute to such and such. The other maid and I are both trying to pay off debt and school, and have said as much. They don't seem to care and have told us to just "budget" and "work OT" to cover these extra expenses (including a $400 bachlorette weekend). 

  I don't think the bride is aware of this, and I'm wondering if I should bring it up to her that two of her maids have gone rogue and are making the other two uncomfortable? Should I tell the two demanding money that I'm not going to contribute? I'm trying to save for my own wedding but don't want to throw it up every time!   

Thanks!!

Re: Expenses Getting Out Of Hand

  • My MOH went a little (a lot) zilla; as in telling my other BMs how much things would cost & not letting them have input on how it was spent. I didn’t know until they said something to me, so I couldn’t help fix it.

    Especially if you’re not friends with this BM Id keep declining but if it continues, I would say something to the bride. She might not have any idea this is going on. 
    officernurseInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 7
    Don't go to the bride. I would say to the other attendants, "I understand that you want to do nice things for the bride, but what you're asking falls outside my budget. From this point on, please take no as my answer to all future requests that I spend or contribute any more money on wedding-related expenses." 


    short+sassyernursejeileenrob
  • edited September 11
    A similar thing happened to me when I was a bridesmaid last fall. The maid of honor kept scheduling things that the other bridesmaids couldn't afford and it led to half of us not even going to the planned events. This caused a riff and drama. I would speak to the bridesmaids first, but if that doesn't work then 100% speak to the bride. A lot of the time, brides are out of the loop on this stuff and I think they have a right to know what's going on behind the scenes. 
    officernurse
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Don't bring this up to the bride. Keep telling the MOH that you just can't afford it. 

    officernurseMyNameIsNot
  • maine7mob said:
    I will never understand where some people get off telling others how to spend their money. Work overtime for someone else's wedding? No. Work overtime and have someone tell you how to spend that money? No.

    And you do not need to have an excuse why you don't want to spend YOUR money on someone else's wedding festivities. Even if you weren't planning your own wedding, you still wouldn't have to spend your extra cash on someone else's. Even if you were a multi-millionaire, you still wouldn't owe other people your money.

    Set a personal budget for other people's wedding festivities and stick to it.

    Yes to all of this!

    But, in general and not just for weddings, you'll so often hear the phrase "work some OT" as a suggestion/solution for people's money problems.

    I don't know about you all, but I have RARELY had a job where I could just go all crazy and work however many hours I wanted to, in order to make extra money.  Most jobs I've had, to work even ONE hour of OT is an unusual situation and has to be approved ahead of time.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    maine7mob said:
    I will never understand where some people get off telling others how to spend their money. Work overtime for someone else's wedding? No. Work overtime and have someone tell you how to spend that money? No.

    And you do not need to have an excuse why you don't want to spend YOUR money on someone else's wedding festivities. Even if you weren't planning your own wedding, you still wouldn't have to spend your extra cash on someone else's. Even if you were a multi-millionaire, you still wouldn't owe other people your money.

    Set a personal budget for other people's wedding festivities and stick to it.

    Yes to all of this!

    But, in general and not just for weddings, you'll so often hear the phrase "work some OT" as a suggestion/solution for people's money problems.

    I don't know about you all, but I have RARELY had a job where I could just go all crazy and work however many hours I wanted to, in order to make extra money.  Most jobs I've had, to work even ONE hour of OT is an unusual situation and has to be approved ahead of time.

    Yup. In all of the three full-time jobs I've held, overtime was not an option. And if you asked for it, it would have been declined, and you probably would have been looked at weird. 

    Most of H's jobs have been the same. And the jobs that did allow overtime were typically the crappy ones. The job that allowed H unlimited overtime and practically begged for people to work overtime (he worked 70 hours a week at times) did so because they never had enough employees because they paid low wages. People worked there fresh out of school for a few years to get experience and then took off for greener pastures. 

    short+sassy
  • For the industry I'm in OT depends on whether or not the production schedule demands it.  Are lead times exceeding 2 weeks?  OT may be needed.   If Christmas is coming and you want OT but the work isn't there you don't get it.  

    In my FIL's former industry (HVAC) you know you had mandatory OT during winter months.   Not so much during summer wedding season.   
    charlotte989875
  • banana468 said:
    For the industry I'm in OT depends on whether or not the production schedule demands it.  Are lead times exceeding 2 weeks?  OT may be needed.   If Christmas is coming and you want OT but the work isn't there you don't get it.  

    In my FIL's former industry (HVAC) you know you had mandatory OT during winter months.   Not so much during summer wedding season.   

    Down South where I live, this is just the opposite, lol!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • banana468 said:
    For the industry I'm in OT depends on whether or not the production schedule demands it.  Are lead times exceeding 2 weeks?  OT may be needed.   If Christmas is coming and you want OT but the work isn't there you don't get it.  

    In my FIL's former industry (HVAC) you know you had mandatory OT during winter months.   Not so much during summer wedding season.   

    Down South where I live, this is just the opposite, lol!
    Well, when you can be without heat and it's zero degrees F, you are on call!   

    No AC in the summer in CT sucks but it won't freeze you or your pipes...
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