You can ask, but she might say no.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I moved to a new house in the spring and decided to get really into gardening. Among the seeds, soil, tools, pots, and other items I spent close to $700 of my savings on, I bought a small plastic greenhouse. After I had everything planted, I had a variety of leftover seedlings. I gave them, with the greenhouse, to my new neighbor, since she expressed admiration. I told her she could do whatever she wanted with the plants and that I just needed the greenhouse back “eventually.” Since then, we have had many cordial interactions. However, I just asked about my greenhouse, and she said, “Yeah, I wondered if you would want that back! It seemed kind of cheap, so I threw it away.” Prudie, it wasn’t cheap, and I will have to buy a replacement for next year. I want to maintain a friendly relationship with her, because I love the warmth of the neighborhood. But is there a win-win here that gets her to replace or compensate me for the greenhouse without resentment? I know I said I wanted the greenhouse back, but obviously she didn’t remember.

—Greenhouse

banana468

Let this go but also don't let her borrow things.   I think LW can only say, "Oh I swear I had mentioned that I did need it back.   I'll have to replace it." 

It throws out the concept that the neighbor should try to own up to something but I wouldn't ask for money. 

charlotte989875

I think the time to say something was when she responded to your question. You could have said, “oh it wasn’t cheap and I did want it back. Replacements can be found at Greenhouses Emporium”. 

At this point? I mean maybe bring it up but you know exactly what she did with it. She should have asked you before throwing it away. And she should have volunteered to replace it. But she didn’t. 

I think this is a lesson in not lending things to other people. 

Casadena

My first thought was that she definitely did remember, but broke or misused it and threw it out so she could feign ignorance. I would mention once that "oh I definitely remember needing it back - I can send you a link for a replacement!". IT's unlikely that she would replace it, but I think you're in the right to at least ask or suggest. Don't lend her things in the future, even if she asks.

short+sassy

Wow!  What a sh***y neighbor!  She even admitted, "I wondered if you would want that back."  WTF?  If she "wondered", than she should have just ASKED.  Like, "Oh hey, I'm done using the greenhouse you gave me.  Do you want it back?  Because I am going to throw it away, otherwise."  Easy enough.

I don't know what is wrong with people sometimes.  I personally would NEVER have given a new neighbor something I wanted back some day.  It can so often go poorly.

levioosa

What a shitty neighbor. I also have a feeling she broke it and so is feigning ignorance. I mean, even if you went on a purging frenzy in your house, it would be so easy just to tell your neighbor, “hey, thanks so much for letting me borrow this. That was really generous and learning how to garden was fun. I’ll bring it over tomorrow.”

MesmrEwe

Another vote for "Shitty Neighbor!"...  Yep, let this one go and NEVER EVER EVER lend that neighbor anything EVER again...  The neighbor busted the greenhouse because no one who thinks "Maybe they want it back" throws the thing out without asking first...