Vow Renewals

Vow Renewal and Reception at 1 year?

My husband and I got married on April 1, 2018. It's a long story but I moved from Maine to NC, found my incredible man, and our relationship moved fast. His parents loved me until he moved out of their house with me and it got worse when we got engaged. They were incredibly mean and spiteful. They claimed the only reason their would have ever proposed to me would be because he must have accidentally knocked me up and was trying to do the right thing. They told us our wedding date wouldn't work for them and we were inconsiderate. It got so bad that they were banging on our apartment door in the mornings harassing us. So we only told my best friend and closest family in Maine and we drove up for a very tiny, half planned, wedding. Our relationship is wonderful but we never got to have our big wedding surrounded by friends, family, music, and party. So we decided to have a vow renewal ceremony and reception on the year mark so those who love us as friends or family can be present and celebrate with us. We also had a photographer paid for but not used yet and I'd love some proper wedding photos with my grandmother (who raised me) because while I'm so glad to be married, I wish I'd have had the big celebration. Is it weird for us to send out invites and make a big deal of this celebration on our one year mark? We kept our actual wedding hush hush. And it's not being treated as a wedding, but where we will exchange new vows and celebrate with good food and music. I just need some advice before we cement this plan...

Re: Vow Renewal and Reception at 1 year?

  • But if it's a vow renewal, why wouldn't we exchange vows? 
  • cheygil91 said:
    But if it's a vow renewal, why wouldn't we exchange vows? 
    Because vows don't require renewing, especially after only a year.
    image
    short+sassyjustsieInLoveInQueens
  • cheygil91 said:
    My husband and I got married on April 1, 2018. It's a long story but I moved from Maine to NC, found my incredible man, and our relationship moved fast. His parents loved me until he moved out of their house with me and it got worse when we got engaged. They were incredibly mean and spiteful. They claimed the only reason their would have ever proposed to me would be because he must have accidentally knocked me up and was trying to do the right thing. They told us our wedding date wouldn't work for them and we were inconsiderate. It got so bad that they were banging on our apartment door in the mornings harassing us. So we only told my best friend and closest family in Maine and we drove up for a very tiny, half planned, wedding. Our relationship is wonderful but we never got to have our big wedding surrounded by friends, family, music, and party. So we decided to have a vow renewal ceremony and reception on the year mark so those who love us as friends or family can be present and celebrate with us. We also had a photographer paid for but not used yet and I'd love some proper wedding photos with my grandmother (who raised me) because while I'm so glad to be married, I wish I'd have had the big celebration. Is it weird for us to send out invites and make a big deal of this celebration on our one year mark? We kept our actual wedding hush hush. And it's not being treated as a wedding, but where we will exchange new vows and celebrate with good food and music. I just need some advice before we cement this plan...
    JIC
    image
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    Honestly, a vow renewal at one year is ridiculous. Especially since you're trying to make the wedding you didn't have this year (not sure how it's "not being treated as a wedding" when there's going to be vows and a reception...).

    You and your husband chose to get married. You chose the wedding that you chose. You can try to blame other people for driving you to that decision but at the end of the day, YOU made the decision. You can't get married again without getting a divorce. 

    Vow renewals are appropriate for like 25 or 50 year anniversaries. Or if something devastating has happened to you (actually devastating, like a life threatening illness or accident). 

    If I were your friend or family member, even your best friend or sister, I'd be side-eyeing the hell out of this. You chose to get married, decided it wasn't good enough and are now going to try again. It doesn't work like that. 

    I wish I'd written an impact statement for my murdered cousins years ago. I didn't. I don't get to call up the county and re-do the sentencing. My SIL wished she'd done a gender reveal. She doesn't get to erase the memory of everyone and announce that her daughter is a girl. My friend wishes she hadn't lost her virginity to her friend's boyfriend. Oh well. Some ships sail and don't come back around again. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited September 10
    A vow renewal is not a wedding. While it's silly to renew your vows at a year, you can do it if you want. You can renew them every Saturday for the rest of your life if you want. It doesn't change the fact that you decided to get married privately. No matter how many parties or vow renewals you have, you are never going to be able to get that wedding photo with your grandmother because you decided to get married without your grandmother. 

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to get married privately like you did. But when you made that decision, you should have considered that you'd be giving up the opportunity to celebrate your wedding with all your friends and family. No party now is going to change that. You're welcome to throw a big party any time you want. But if you think doing it is going to make up for regret about how you decided to get married, you're doing it for the wrong reasons and you are going to be disappointed. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I think it's a little silly to do a vow renewal after just 1 year. Do an anniversary party instead. 

    short+sassy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I guarantee the “truth will out.” Do not keep your marriage a secret, if that’s what you are implying by saying you “kept your actual marriage hush hush” . Do not throw a vow renewal in the guise of a wedding. Honestly, even a one year anniversary party seems a little silly. You made an adult decision to get married. That was your wedding. Unfortunately we don’t always get the things we want and some things can’t be repeated. A wedding is one of those things. 


    image
  • levioosa said:
    I guarantee the “truth will out.” Do not keep your marriage a secret, if that’s what you are implying by saying you “kept your actual marriage hush hush” . Do not throw a vow renewal in the guise of a wedding. Honestly, even a one year anniversary party seems a little silly. You made an adult decision to get married. That was your wedding. Unfortunately we don’t always get the things we want and some things can’t be repeated. A wedding is one of those things. 

    OP, I actually do not think this is what you meant.  I think you meant the wedding was hush-hush, at the time.  But that everyone knows you all are married now.

    I realize there is some disappointment with how your all's wedding went.  But it sounds like you all are trying to make this anniversary party/vow renewal your "redo" wedding.  If that is most of the reason behind this party, I don't think it's going to achieve what you all want it to.  The actual wedding will always be on a much smaller scope than what you all had envisioned.  And that's okay!  Few major events in life live up to what we "envisioned" them to be.  But an event that "mimics" what you wanted it to be, won't change the reality.

    With that said, if you're overall happy with the wedding the way it was.  And now want to have a big anniversary party to celebrate with friends and family, there's nothing wrong with that.  I agree with the other PP's, though, that a vow renewal would be silly*.  I mean, it doesn't hurt anyone if you all want to do it anyway, but I think most people would find it weird and even AWish.  What you could do instead is, at some point in the party...perhaps as dessert is being served, each of you can raise a toast that thanks your guests.  Along with a few sentences for the other person.

    *I want to explain why, rather than just rain on your parade :).  A vow renewal at a 25-year anniversary is meaningful because 25 years is going to have a lot of ups and downs for anyone.  But here is the couple, still together, in essence stating that they wouldn't change a thing and would pick each other all over again.  And, hey!, I think this is a great sentiment to have with one's SO no matter what the anniversary number is.  But to declare it in a public vow renewal after a relatively short period of time is odd and over the top.


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  • I think some (many?) people may wonder why you’re renewing your vows so soon after being married. They may speculate about why you need to do it again (I.e did someone cheat?) but if you’re okay with that, 

    I’m a little less harsh on the “vows don’t need renewing after a year” than others on here. I think if you have a strong reason for needing to make vows to your husband/wife again, then go ahead and do that. But if you’re doing it just because you want pictures or you feel you didn’t get the party you wanted, then I would suggest thinking carefully about why that matters so much and if you truly want the expense of planning a VR just for pictures/a party. 

    Vows are important commitments people make to one another and I don’t think renewing them is something to take lightly. If you feel strongly about wanting/bedding to renew, make sure everyone knows it’s a renewal (don’t try and pretend it’s a wedding since you already did that), and make sure you host everyone properly. 
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
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