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Moms and Maids

Maid of honor ? 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Re: Maid of honor ? 🤦🏼‍♀️


  • My writing isn’t the best. I am a public speaker. I try and go back and edit so sometimes it doesn’t flow correctly. 

    May I ask what niche? (generalized, not exact as to give away the specific industry)

    Not sure whether to Image result for not buying it smug gif

    or

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  • I speak on prevention and awareness of sexual and domestic abuse. My target audience is high school and college men. 
  • Let me clarify.... my sister didn’t leave the wedding party because of things required. She left because she is having some mental health issues and doesn’t  think I should even have a wedding because it’s my second one. 
    I went dress shopping by myself because I live in a different state. I’m not having a bridal shower because it’s money that I don’t want them to spend. I have done all my own DYI. I have picked out everything on my own. Yes I send pictures to them and ask opinion but I am doing it all. 3 months to the wedding and the only event they have gone to is the bachelorette party. Two girls didn’t go and I was cool with that. The next event is the rehearsal dinner. They are only buying a dress and my girls have been updating on sales and deals in our group chat to help each other out. So max on dress $150 maybe $200 with alternation if they choose to have someone alter it other than my mother who will do it free. They can wear any shoes, Jewelry, do whatever they want with hair and makeup. Things they didn’t have to pay for for the bachelorette party was food at the cabin, a rental car to get around and a place to stay. 
    Can someone please tell me without making me seem like a horrible person what their bridesmaids paid for? I see post about brides requiring professional makeup and a certain type of shoes. Also for getting mad that people can’t attend any of their parties. 
    I asked them to get a long navy blue dress

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Let me clarify.... my sister didn’t leave the wedding party because of things required. She left because she is having some mental health issues and doesn’t  think I should even have a wedding because it’s my second one. 
    I went dress shopping by myself because I live in a different state. I’m not having a bridal shower because it’s money that I don’t want them to spend. I have done all my own DYI. I have picked out everything on my own. Yes I send pictures to them and ask opinion but I am doing it all. 3 months to the wedding and the only event they have gone to is the bachelorette party. Two girls didn’t go and I was cool with that. The next event is the rehearsal dinner. They are only buying a dress and my girls have been updating on sales and deals in our group chat to help each other out. So max on dress $150 maybe $200 with alternation if they choose to have someone alter it other than my mother who will do it free. They can wear any shoes, Jewelry, do whatever they want with hair and makeup. Things they didn’t have to pay for for the bachelorette party was food at the cabin, a rental car to get around and a place to stay. 
    Can someone please tell me without making me seem like a horrible person what their bridesmaids paid for? I see post about brides requiring professional makeup and a certain type of shoes. Also for getting mad that people can’t attend any of their parties. 
    I asked them to get a long navy blue dress

    I think the thing that gets lost with a lot of brides is that asking people to be in their wedding party is to honor them as friends/family/whatever. Bride honors best friend with inviting her to stand next to her as she gets married. Not the other way around. 

    If you take a step back and really think about it, demanding certain shoes and hair and expensive parties like you've read in shitty articles is the opposite of honoring these people. Somehow being a bridesmaid has become, "Hey will you be my bridesmaid and kiss my ass and cater to my every whim for the next 18 months?", which is total crap. 

    A lot of women get so wrapped up in the pictures and the magazines and the BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE crap that gets shoved down their throats that they forget (hopefully temporarily) that these are their favorite people and they're treating them like crap. 

    Bridesmaids shouldn't be required to do much of anything. Get a dress, stand up, smile for pictures. The rest is up to them. If they want to throw a bachelorette, awesome! If not, NBD. I didn't have a bachelorette party. If they want to throw a shower, awesome! If not, you'll be fine and you'll still get married. 

    None of the above was directed specifically at you, just general statements.

    Now back to you and your navy dresses. Since you didn't specify an exact dress (way to go on that!), then there's no need to worry and no need to order so far in advance. I went shopping today on my lunch and coincidentally saw at least 2 long navy dresses right there on the rack. 

    Honestly, I think you need to let this go for now (and until like, the end of December). If they order dresses, great! If not, it's still fine. They'll be able to find a long navy dress off the rack.

    And to answer your question, I only had one MOH and she paid for her dress (she choose it, but we did go shopping together since she wanted my input. She got it at Macy's and she's worn it many times since). She did also throw me a shower, not sure what that cost. I spent about $200 on her BM gift. I went dress shopping 11 times and she only came with me twice (towards the end because it was getting really frustrating). She never helped with any of my DIY, my husband did. My MOH was my sister, not my bitch, and she's not a shopping or DIY type person. No problem! But she was there for me when I needed a drink after dress shopping for what felt like the 40th fucking time. :) 
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    short+sassyMairePoppylevioosa
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2018
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
                
    ILoveBeachMusicShesSoColdshort+sassycharlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
    I remember that trend!  The shops had several styles of "blank" heels, and then the shoes were dyed.  My feet turned a lovely shade of maroon after the wedding of one friend!

    I do long for those simpler, and less "Pinterest" days.  You really did simply buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding!

    LP's.......LOL.  I still have ALL my "vinyl" from the mid 60's and on........"jackets" and all....except for the few double albums that were wrapped in foil and sacrificed.... for tanning! 
    ILoveBeachMusicMairePoppyshort+sassycharlotte989875
  • MobKaz said:
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
    I remember that trend!  The shops had several styles of "blank" heels, and then the shoes were dyed.  My feet turned a lovely shade of maroon after the wedding of one friend!

    I do long for those simpler, and less "Pinterest" days.  You really did simply buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding!

    LP's.......LOL.  I still have ALL my "vinyl" from the mid 60's and on........"jackets" and all....except for the few double albums that were wrapped in foil and sacrificed.... for tanning! 
    My feet were blue and yes I agree to the longing for less Pinterest days!
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ugh those dyed shoes were the WORST! 

    OP, I had just a maid of honor. I didn't want a large bridal party. I let my MOH pick out what color dress she wanted. I didn't give her a timeline. She bought it at Macy's. She did want she wanted with her hair, and makeup, and jewelry and shoes. I didn't want a bridal shower either. She decided to take me away for a weekend, and a bunch of our girlfriends came too. 

    I did DIY for my wedding too. My H helped. Did I freak out? No. It's just one day. 

    MairePoppycharlotte989875
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    MobKaz said:
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
    I remember that trend!  The shops had several styles of "blank" heels, and then the shoes were dyed.  My feet turned a lovely shade of maroon after the wedding of one friend!

    I do long for those simpler, and less "Pinterest" days.  You really did simply buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding!

    LP's.......LOL.  I still have ALL my "vinyl" from the mid 60's and on........"jackets" and all....except for the few double albums that were wrapped in foil and sacrificed.... for tanning! 
    Haha. No spray tans or tanning booths for us. We'd slather on the baby oil or spf 2 Coppertone and bake in the sun with our foil chin reflectors. We were beautiful. 

                
    ShesSoColdshort+sassyILoveBeachMusicMobKaz
  • MobKaz said:
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
    I remember that trend!  The shops had several styles of "blank" heels, and then the shoes were dyed.  My feet turned a lovely shade of maroon after the wedding of one friend!

    I do long for those simpler, and less "Pinterest" days.  You really did simply buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding!

    LP's.......LOL.  I still have ALL my "vinyl" from the mid 60's and on........"jackets" and all....except for the few double albums that were wrapped in foil and sacrificed.... for tanning! 
    Haha. No spray tans or tanning booths for us. We'd slather on the baby oil or spf 2 Coppertone and bake in the sun with our foil chin reflectors. We were beautiful. 


    Y'all are great!  You are bringing me back.  For me, the "dyed shoes" trend hit during my jr. high and HS school dances time.  I wore a pair to my prom, lol.  A very light, mint green.  They went with so many other outfits//s, lol.
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    I agree with you that you have ventured into bridezilla territory. It's nice that you have apologized, but apologies are meaningless if you have no intention of changing the way you are dealing with your bm and MOH. It's reasonable to request a length and color. Back in the day, it was common for the MOH to wear a different shade than the other bms. Why not allow your sister some latitude in the color choice? As for demanding they have their dresses by Oct 1st, that's crazy. Give them the color, length and tell them to shop at David's. My daughter bought her wedding dress at David's. The sales associate told her her dress would arrive in 4 months. It was there in 6 weeks. Those dresses aren't made to order. The sales associate could check inventory at the cash register and reserve dresses.

    To your last question, back in the old times, my friends and I served as each other's bms. The only expense we had was the bm dress. One bride requested dyed to match shoes (tacky), but we went along with it, she was so easy to please, but for the damn pink pumps. Family members paid for our showers. We spent the night before our weddings at each bride's home, with a bottle of tequila, vodka and pizza or McDonalds and our favorite LPs. We did our own hair, makeup, and nails.  There was not a bridezilla amongst us. But I do remember a few frazzled MOBs. (LOL) Those were fun, easy going times. I wish the same for you. 
    I remember that trend!  The shops had several styles of "blank" heels, and then the shoes were dyed.  My feet turned a lovely shade of maroon after the wedding of one friend!

    I do long for those simpler, and less "Pinterest" days.  You really did simply buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding!

    LP's.......LOL.  I still have ALL my "vinyl" from the mid 60's and on........"jackets" and all....except for the few double albums that were wrapped in foil and sacrificed.... for tanning! 
    Haha. No spray tans or tanning booths for us. We'd slather on the baby oil or spf 2 Coppertone and bake in the sun with our foil chin reflectors. We were beautiful. 


    Y'all are great!  You are bringing me back.  For me, the "dyed shoes" trend hit during my jr. high and HS school dances time.  I wore a pair to my prom, lol.  A very light, mint green.  They went with so many other outfits//s, lol.
    You just made me recall that my first college roommate brought a sunlamp to campus!  I thought I was "the bomb" with my little portable typewriter and "hot pot", and she comes ala "all that" with a sunlamp! 
    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2018
    @MobKaz, you must have been hot. Did you have a white shag carpet? 


                
    ernursejMobKazshort+sassythisismynickname2
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My BMs only had to pay for their hotel rooms the night before the wedding (they chose to stay at the hotel even though it was 40 minutes from home, I didn't demand or require anything). No shower, no bachelorette. I bought their dresses (I let them pick whatever they wanted in royal blue and they ended up liking the same dress) and they wore whatever shoes/jewelry/makeup/hairstyle they wanted. I did all my own DIY. They literally just had to show up to the wedding on time. I wouldn't have cared if one or both came wearing something completely different, I just wanted them there next to me.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    ernursejcharlotte989875short+sassy
  • My BM's paid for literally nothing. I bought their dresses, the 2 bridemaids who were not family lived in the town we were married in and stayed at home, the other BM's (sisters, cousins) stayed in hotel rooms with the rest of their families, ie parents paid. We had a girls dinner and went out for drinks as a bachelorette, but it was really just a regular weekend night for us and 3/5 BM's were not there - no big deal. I had 2 showers, my MOH was at neither, H's aunts threw one another BM threw the other (she offered) and I got her a very nice gift as a thank you. I offered to pay for hair and makeup for all and 3 of 5 took me up on it. They wore whatever shoes they wanted and I did purchase them earrings. Coincidentally, all 5 asked me specifically what jewelry I wanted them to wear- I said anything you want. They seemed stressed about it, so I purchased them earrings I thought they'd like that coordinated but they were under no obligation to wear them. I purchased them real BM gifts as well.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Casadena said:
    My BM's paid for literally nothing. I bought their dresses, the 2 bridemaids who were not family lived in the town we were married in and stayed at home, the other BM's (sisters, cousins) stayed in hotel rooms with the rest of their families, ie parents paid. We had a girls dinner and went out for drinks as a bachelorette, but it was really just a regular weekend night for us and 3/5 BM's were not there - no big deal. I had 2 showers, my MOH was at neither, H's aunts threw one another BM threw the other (she offered) and I got her a very nice gift as a thank you. I offered to pay for hair and makeup for all and 3 of 5 took me up on it. They wore whatever shoes they wanted and I did purchase them earrings. Coincidentally, all 5 asked me specifically what jewelry I wanted them to wear- I said anything you want. They seemed stressed about it, so I purchased them earrings I thought they'd like that coordinated but they were under no obligation to wear them. I purchased them real BM gifts as well.
    Oh dear.  Are you sure you have a valid and legal marriage?

    You "suffered" tremendously with these devastating, inconceivable, earth shattering, life altering and catastrophic failures with your wedding party!  It must have taken every ounce of strength not to fire them all!  You are a wedding warrior to survive such egregious acts against you!

    Lurkers.....friends treat each other like friends.....even with a wedding involved in the mix!
    MesmrEweMyNameIsNot
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @MobKaz, you must have been hot. Did you have a white shag carpet? 


    I do recall a rug, but my guess is it was more of a multi colored brown/gold/green shag.  The better to hide the dirt, don't ya know!  Your picture is far from realistic, my dear.......you are not sunlamping unless you've got the goggles going....

    MairePoppyshort+sassy
  • MobKaz said:
    Casadena said:
    My BM's paid for literally nothing. I bought their dresses, the 2 bridemaids who were not family lived in the town we were married in and stayed at home, the other BM's (sisters, cousins) stayed in hotel rooms with the rest of their families, ie parents paid. We had a girls dinner and went out for drinks as a bachelorette, but it was really just a regular weekend night for us and 3/5 BM's were not there - no big deal. I had 2 showers, my MOH was at neither, H's aunts threw one another BM threw the other (she offered) and I got her a very nice gift as a thank you. I offered to pay for hair and makeup for all and 3 of 5 took me up on it. They wore whatever shoes they wanted and I did purchase them earrings. Coincidentally, all 5 asked me specifically what jewelry I wanted them to wear- I said anything you want. They seemed stressed about it, so I purchased them earrings I thought they'd like that coordinated but they were under no obligation to wear them. I purchased them real BM gifts as well.
    Oh dear.  Are you sure you have a valid and legal marriage?

    You "suffered" tremendously with these devastating, inconceivable, earth shattering, life altering and catastrophic failures with your wedding party!  It must have taken every ounce of strength not to fire them all!  You are a wedding warrior to survive such egregious acts against you!

    Lurkers.....friends treat each other like friends.....even with a wedding involved in the mix!
    Holy crap, I better check to see if we're really legal. If not, I totally get a do-over right?!?!?!
  • Popping in a bit late to echo PPs.  I think it's awesome that you aren't requiring all the garbage that the wedding industry tells you that you should require of your friends.  Also eching PPs - if you truly just want them to wear a navy dress, don't put a deadline on them.  I asked the exact same thing of my BMs (4 of whom were out of state) and they all sent me pics when they went to Nordstrom or Dillard's or wherever.  They all showed up with a dress and they looked amazing - each one of them.

    I also bought my dress at a bridal closing event with one friend as we fought through 200 other brides to find the one dress I wanted.  I tried it on in the corner of the bridal shop basement and paid $500 for a $2k dress that needed significant alterations.  My one local BM was supposed to go with me but she bailed a few days before because she had a trial to prepare for that started that Monday.  When she told me, it was no big deal.  Her world doesn't revolve around me.  So I went with no family, no BMs, just one friend (and a damn good deal).  

    As far as DIY, my BMs did none of that.  My H and I did it all (meaning I did most of it).  

    Our wedding was amazing.  :) 

  • Ro041 said:
    Popping in a bit late to echo PPs.  I think it's awesome that you aren't requiring all the garbage that the wedding industry tells you that you should require of your friends.  Also eching PPs - if you truly just want them to wear a navy dress, don't put a deadline on them.  I asked the exact same thing of my BMs (4 of whom were out of state) and they all sent me pics when they went to Nordstrom or Dillard's or wherever.  They all showed up with a dress and they looked amazing - each one of them.

    I also bought my dress at a bridal closing event with one friend as we fought through 200 other brides to find the one dress I wanted.  I tried it on in the corner of the bridal shop basement and paid $500 for a $2k dress that needed significant alterations.  My one local BM was supposed to go with me but she bailed a few days before because she had a trial to prepare for that started that Monday.  When she told me, it was no big deal.  Her world doesn't revolve around me.  So I went with no family, no BMs, just one friend (and a damn good deal).  

    As far as DIY, my BMs did none of that.  My H and I did it all (meaning I did most of it).  

    Our wedding was amazing.  :) 

    I'm reminded of the Friends episode where there is some special, annual clearance sale of designer bridal gowns.  And it is a frenzied mob of brides-to-be that stormed the store as soon as it opened.  Monica and another bride start playing tug-of-war over the gown that Monica wants.

    The below pic is after Monica reigns triumphant and blows her whistle to bring Rachel and Phoebe over.  They grab the gown and head to the register, while Monica keeps her bride foe subdued.

    If I remember the episode correctly, I think there was a specific gown Monica wanted and she gave all the girls whistles.  So that, as soon as one of them found it, they'd blow the whistle, lol.



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  • @short+sassy that is almost exactly what it was like (except the fight).  I had one dress I wanted that I knew they had in stock.  Luckily it wasn't white so it was pretty easy to spot.  We were in and out in like 45 minutes.  

    Side note - after the wedding, I sold it for $500 (exactly what I paid before alterations).  :) SCORE!

    short+sassyShesSoColdMairePoppy
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