Wedding Woes

Wedding Photographers Bringing Baby to a Wedding

My wedding isn't for another 9 months but the photographers I hired just had a baby (they're a husband and wife team). Which is fantastic, except now they're bringing their baby along to photograph weddings. I'm a fellow female wedding photographer myself, so I understand how difficult it is to try to start a family with this job, which is why I'm actually leaving the business so I can have that freedom after I'm married, but I find it completely unprofessional to bring a baby to a job like this. 

I'm paying $3200 for them because I wanted professionals at my wedding who I trusted and because as a photographer myself the photos are what are most important to me. I'm paying for 2 photographers--my fear is that if they bring their baby they'll both be distracted, especially whoever in particular is caring for the baby throughout my wedding. I don't want a discount for one photographer, I want them both present, so is it wrong of me to contact them before my wedding to ask them not to bring their baby if they're still taking him along 9 months from now? I'm afraid of being the only bride asking them not to and sounding mean, but I'm also paying a lot of money to have 2 photographers, not just 1 photographer and 1 baby caretaker who sometimes shoots photos. How would I go about politely asking them to leave their son behind, especially since they're traveling 3.5 hours to my wedding and 3.5 hours back home? Personally I feel they had 9 months to figure out how to have the baby taken care of while they work (they travel for weddings constantly). Am I just being a bridezilla or is it okay for me to ask them to find accommodations for their son for my wedding day? 
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Re: Wedding Photographers Bringing Baby to a Wedding

  • My wedding isn't for another 9 months but the photographers I hired just had a baby (they're a husband and wife team). Which is fantastic, except now they're bringing their baby along to photograph weddings. I'm a fellow female wedding photographer myself, so I understand how difficult it is to try to start a family with this job, which is why I'm actually leaving the business so I can have that freedom after I'm married, but I find it completely unprofessional to bring a baby to a job like this. 

    I'm paying $3200 for them because I wanted professionals at my wedding who I trusted and because as a photographer myself the photos are what are most important to me. I'm paying for 2 photographers--my fear is that if they bring their baby they'll both be distracted, especially whoever in particular is caring for the baby throughout my wedding. I don't want a discount for one photographer, I want them both present, so is it wrong of me to contact them before my wedding to ask them not to bring their baby if they're still taking him along 9 months from now? I'm afraid of being the only bride asking them not to and sounding mean, but I'm also paying a lot of money to have 2 photographers, not just 1 photographer and 1 baby caretaker who sometimes shoots photos. How would I go about politely asking them to leave their son behind, especially since they're traveling 3.5 hours to my wedding and 3.5 hours back home? Personally I feel they had 9 months to figure out how to have the baby taken care of while they work (they travel for weddings constantly). Am I just being a bridezilla or is it okay for me to ask them to find accommodations for their son for my wedding day? 
    Um, no, that's crazy. You can't bring your kid anywhere else you work, why would it be okay to bring your kid to a wedding you're working?! 

    I would contact them about it and see if they'll let you out of your contract if they won't find care for their son.
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  • I completely agree with you.  You're not being a bridezilla at all.  Assuming they will want to bring their baby, is majorly changing the terms of the contract.  Bringing their baby to events is totally unprofessional and I wouldn't stand for it either.  Most people can't bring their babies to their work site, so this couple needs to figure it out...like everybody else does...and quick.

    What is or isn't okay with other brides and how far they are traveling have absolutely no bearing on the situation.  They agreed to a job that is a 7-hour r/t for them.  They agreed and are charging you for two photographers, who will be working the whole time.  That's what they agreed to.  That's what they must provide.  However they figure all that out, is their problem.

    Hopefully, when you speak with them, it won't be an issue.  But, if they refuse or hem/haw about not bringing the baby, you might need to be prepared to ask for your deposit back and find other photogs.

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  • I think you need to be specific.

    -How do you know that the baby is going with them?
    -Have they contacted you to advise that the baby would be planned to go with them? 
    -What does your contract say? 

    A lot will happen in 9 mo.   But I want to know how you know this before I give my answer.
  • I agree that it would be ridiculous for them to bring their child. That being said, how do you know they have been bringing their baby to events? 


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  • yeah I'm surprised they're even considering this!

  • There is nothing in their contract about the baby; I booked them back in 2017 for my 2019 wedding because I'm trying to finish grad school before the wedding and I've been planning along the way. She wasn't pregnant until this year and had her baby. And they are very active on social media--Facebook, Instagram, Blogs, etc. They've already been bringing him to weddings, events, and engagement shoots and have posted multiple times that he's going with them. Now, I don't know if it's for a short time because he's a newborn or if its to save money on daycare (which I think is the most likely case). I don't want to say anything quite yet because I don't know if I should or if I should wait until closer to the wedding day, but unfortunately if I cancel I lose my $1600 deposit. And I can't afford to lose such a large sum of money. 
  • Not quite as bad, but I had something odd like this happen to me.  Not for my wedding, but for a work Christmas party I was putting together.

    The DJ contacted me after we contracted him and asked if he could bring his g/f with him.  I had to check with the big boss and we begrudgingly gave him the okay.  But we all thought it was weird.  I did have to give him the caveats that she needed to be dressed appropriately.  It was a cocktail party.  And that, although we would be providing him with the same meal/bar package, we would NOT be providing any food or beverages for her.  Not even non-alcoholic drinks.

    They at least complied with all of that.  But it put us in an awkward position.  He also turned out to be the WORST DJ ever, lol.  I know that sounds like an exaggeration.  It is not.  He put on an Anne Murray CD for dinner and just let it run.  After dinner was over and dancing was starting, he switched it up to 50's and 60's music.  Several requests were made for more current, danceable music.  His answer?  Caribbean Queen from the 80's, smh.  I cannot make this stuff up, lol.  He was so bad, it was actually really funny and he became a running joke in our office.

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  • Agreed with all the others, totally unprofessional and I'd ask them about it straight up.  I can't believe no one else has had an issue with this. 

    And for some reason, this post/situation made me think of this:

    Image result for you brought your baby to a bar gif
  • Yea, I think this is very weird. Someone is going to have to be with the baby at all times. So that means you will only have the full attention of one photographer at a time. Sure, maybe one of them will wear the child, but that's still a distraction. They won't be able to move as fast, will take longer to get in certain positions, won't be able to be in certain positions for as long as they would otherwise due to the additional weight, and just in general have to navigate around having this addition to their normal body. 
  • My guess is they're going to do this for one wedding and realize "this isn't going to work!" in the middle of teething (3-4 mo mark)...  The challenge is if she's EBF, being that far away from home/baby is going to be its own challenge by itself.  

    The issue is that they have changed the parameters and demands, for that depending on how your contract is worded, you may be able to get out of it because they are the ones trying to change the deal.  OR, you work together to provide a hotel for a family member, Nanny, or babysitter (they decide, not you...) during your wedding.  That seems more reasonable than losing $1600 and cancelling (our photographer was from 3.5 hours away as well - I didn't like any of the ones local to our venue and liked his work)..  


  • All of your responses make me feel so much better! I really hope they realize they can't do this before it gets closer to my wedding because I don't want to upset them or make them hard to work with on the wedding day. I'm also afraid they may respond by saying they can't afford to have someone watch him while they work our wedding because they like to talk on social media about how they live on very little income. I just don't understand why they didn't figure this out when they had 9 months to do it. I know my wedding is still a ways away, but it's been making me nervous seeing them bring him to weddings lately and I just wanted to know I wasn't crazy for wanting to tell a new mom to keep her child at home in this situation.
  • I agree with everyone; even if they’re a husband/wife team they need to work out child care arrangements for the time they are working. 

    If they want to bring the baby with them for the trip I don’t see a problem with that, but absolutely not to the venue or while they are working. 
  • banana468 said:
    All of your responses make me feel so much better! I really hope they realize they can't do this before it gets closer to my wedding because I don't want to upset them or make them hard to work with on the wedding day. I'm also afraid they may respond by saying they can't afford to have someone watch him while they work our wedding because they like to talk on social media about how they live on very little income. I just don't understand why they didn't figure this out when they had 9 months to do it. I know my wedding is still a ways away, but it's been making me nervous seeing them bring him to weddings lately and I just wanted to know I wasn't crazy for wanting to tell a new mom to keep her child at home in this situation.
    Honestly I'd start to write to them now.  I'm not getting a warm fuzzy. 

    I'm sympathetic to anyone on a limited income but their failure to figure out how to make this work is not your problem and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because this wasn't a thought of theirs. 

    Also, I think it's REALLY unprofessional to talk about your finances on your business page unless you are promoting frugal living.   They are either promoting their business of photography or promoting a lifestyle but it shouldn't be both.  

    The only bone I'd throw at them is that you'll provide a location for her to pump that isn't a bathroom for breaks as needed during their time.   By the 9 mo mark that would be 2-3 sessions for approximately 20 minutes and the understanding would need to be that you would have the attention of the H while she is pumping.  

    Maybe even phrase it that way:
    "Congratulations!   As we start to enter the 9 month mark I'm working with vendors to ensure that items are documented regarding what will be needed with as much notice as possible.   Because you and your H are working the event full time on our event date of June X, 2019 please let me know if there needs to be an additional hotel room reserved for your child during the wedding and reception.  In addition please advise if you will need a location at the wedding and/or reception venue if there is a need to pump breastmilk and I will work with the on site coordinator that this is available to you.  Best regards, me"


    This really helps a lot, I've been unsure of exactly what to say to them.

    When they post personal stuff about their lifestyle they post that on their personal accounts and not the business account, but basically all of her brides including myself follow her personal pages because they're friendly people and they really enjoy getting to know their couples and staying in touch. Which is a big thing with their business and something I do love about them, but she does tend to overshare sometimes on her account.

    Unfortunately I noticed a some red flags well after I had booked them and now I'm just hoping things run smoothly for the wedding day and for getting our edited photos back on the timeline they gave us. I booked them initially because they did one of my best friend's weddings and they were great to work with and I loved their photos, but now I have moments wishing I'd gone to someone else because this could end up being a huge headache if they're going to insist on bringing their baby. They're nice people though so I'm hoping it's as simple as me telling them I want them both there with their full attention on the job. 
  • “To be clear, your baby cannot come.”
  • banana468 said:
    All of your responses make me feel so much better! I really hope they realize they can't do this before it gets closer to my wedding because I don't want to upset them or make them hard to work with on the wedding day. I'm also afraid they may respond by saying they can't afford to have someone watch him while they work our wedding because they like to talk on social media about how they live on very little income. I just don't understand why they didn't figure this out when they had 9 months to do it. I know my wedding is still a ways away, but it's been making me nervous seeing them bring him to weddings lately and I just wanted to know I wasn't crazy for wanting to tell a new mom to keep her child at home in this situation.
    Honestly I'd start to write to them now.  I'm not getting a warm fuzzy. 

    I'm sympathetic to anyone on a limited income but their failure to figure out how to make this work is not your problem and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because this wasn't a thought of theirs. 

    Also, I think it's REALLY unprofessional to talk about your finances on your business page unless you are promoting frugal living.   They are either promoting their business of photography or promoting a lifestyle but it shouldn't be both.  

    The only bone I'd throw at them is that you'll provide a location for her to pump that isn't a bathroom for breaks as needed during their time.   By the 9 mo mark that would be 2-3 sessions for approximately 20 minutes and the understanding would need to be that you would have the attention of the H while she is pumping.  

    Maybe even phrase it that way:
    "Congratulations!   As we start to enter the 9 month mark I'm working with vendors to ensure that items are documented regarding what will be needed with as much notice as possible.   Because you and your H are working the event full time on our event date of June X, 2019 please let me know if there needs to be an additional hotel room reserved for your child during the wedding and reception.  In addition please advise if you will need a location at the wedding and/or reception venue if there is a need to pump breastmilk and I will work with the on site coordinator that this is available to you.  Best regards, me"


    This really helps a lot, I've been unsure of exactly what to say to them.

    When they post personal stuff about their lifestyle they post that on their personal accounts and not the business account, but basically all of her brides including myself follow her personal pages because they're friendly people and they really enjoy getting to know their couples and staying in touch. Which is a big thing with their business and something I do love about them, but she does tend to overshare sometimes on her account.

    Unfortunately I noticed a some red flags well after I had booked them and now I'm just hoping things run smoothly for the wedding day and for getting our edited photos back on the timeline they gave us. I booked them initially because they did one of my best friend's weddings and they were great to work with and I loved their photos, but now I have moments wishing I'd gone to someone else because this could end up being a huge headache if they're going to insist on bringing their baby. They're nice people though so I'm hoping it's as simple as me telling them I want them both there with their full attention on the job. 
    I think it can be hard when personal and professional lines are blurred, even on social media, but you hired both of them for a job. Banana’s language is good, because you’re not assuming they are bringing their baby. And who knows maybe other couples said “hey bring the kid to the wedding we’d love to have them”. You don’t know, so it’s best to ask (and not assume) and then plan based on what they answer. Maybe they wouldn’t dream of bringing their kid unless you offered, or maybe they are assuming they can. Like PPs said, it’s best to get things in writing now so you all on are the same page. 

    It does sound like you’re worrying about this just based on what you’ve seen o line rather than anything they’ve specifically said to you, and that’s also not fair to them. 
  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 
  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 

    Wow!  Interesting.  I realize a wedding photog isn't necessarily going to be spending every minute taking pics.  And will need a break here and there.

    But, as a bride, it would definitely rub me the wrong way to see there was time spent at my wedding taking cute pics and videos of their baby.

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  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 
    Yeah - my point is that you need to do this now.   I get it: you now feel like the lines of personal and business are blurred.   The issue is that THEY are going to be breaking the terms of the contract.

    The reason to do it now? You need to find out what their intentions are NOW.   If they honestly think that in 9 months that they're going to bring a baby you need to tell them no.   If they can't honor that then you need your deposit back now so you can find a new vendor.   

    This is such an emotionally charged event but it's business for them.  Your wedding is one of many for them.   For you it's not.  They need to treat your wedding as a business commitment and not as a way to spend time with their child on the weekends. 
  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 
    Woah. Calm down. Okay, all I’m saying is that until you actually talk to them you don’t know if they plan to bring their baby to your wedding. So, you know, ask them. You’re definitely not wrong by not wanting them to bring their baby, but it’s also not worth it to get worked up about that now, because you don’t actually know if that’s what they are planning to do. 

    Even if they’ve brought their baby to every wedding this season, even if they’ve posted it on their business page, you still don’t know that’s what they’re planning to do at your wedding. 

    So ask them. Or get upset about it now and stay worked for the next 9 months. Pretty sure the first choice will have a better outcome. 
    I am not upset or angry, you've clearly misread my posts. I posted a general clarification because it seems people think I wasn't planning to speak with them or that I'm assuming they're bringing him but don't know that they are. Obviously I intend to speak with them to see if they were planning to bring their son, but I was trying to clarify that I only made a post in this forum to get others' opinions ahead of time before I spoke with them, or if it's wrong of me to not want my photographers to have a baby with them while they're working. Especially since there's nowhere for me to find advice about this online and being a wedding photographer myself, I considered it unprofessional but didn't know if that was just me.

    And I'd already stated that everyone saying that it's okay to want them to focus on their work already answered my question, so now I feel comfortable speaking with them about the situation and figuring out if this is an actual issue or not.

    I don't know if the fact that this section being labeled Wedding Woes makes people think a bride is automatically going to be upset when posting in here or what, but I came here for people's opinion solely on that, so I don't understand why you're getting upset or being rude. I've already received my answer so now I'm discussing things between them and myself to see if there will be an issue. I clearly won't be using forums to find answers to questions in the future if people aren't even going to be friendly.  
  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 

    Wow!  Interesting.  I realize a wedding photog isn't necessarily going to be spending every minute taking pics.  And will need a break here and there.

    But, as a bride, it would definitely rub me the wrong way to see there was time spent at my wedding taking cute pics and videos of their baby.

    I've been doing wedding photography for 10 years now and oftentimes I get very tight schedules to the point where I barely get to use the bathroom for 10 hours. It can be crazy! And I've assured them multiple times that I don't want them treated like wedding photographers generally are, but nevertheless, my timeline is sort of tight since I can't purchase extra hours of coverage from them, so to have anyone distracted with a baby would mean I'd definitely miss things. 
  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 
    Woah. Calm down. Okay, all I’m saying is that until you actually talk to them you don’t know if they plan to bring their baby to your wedding. So, you know, ask them. You’re definitely not wrong by not wanting them to bring their baby, but it’s also not worth it to get worked up about that now, because you don’t actually know if that’s what they are planning to do. 

    Even if they’ve brought their baby to every wedding this season, even if they’ve posted it on their business page, you still don’t know that’s what they’re planning to do at your wedding. 

    So ask them. Or get upset about it now and stay worked for the next 9 months. Pretty sure the first choice will have a better outcome. 
    I am not upset or angry, you've clearly misread my posts. I posted a general clarification because it seems people think I wasn't planning to speak with them or that I'm assuming they're bringing him but don't know that they are. Obviously I intend to speak with them to see if they were planning to bring their son, but I was trying to clarify that I only made a post in this forum to get others' opinions ahead of time before I spoke with them, or if it's wrong of me to not want my photographers to have a baby with them while they're working. Especially since there's nowhere for me to find advice about this online and being a wedding photographer myself, I considered it unprofessional but didn't know if that was just me.

    And I'd already stated that everyone saying that it's okay to want them to focus on their work already answered my question, so now I feel comfortable speaking with them about the situation and figuring out if this is an actual issue or not.

    I don't know if the fact that this section being labeled Wedding Woes makes people think a bride is automatically going to be upset when posting in here or what, but I came here for people's opinion solely on that, so I don't understand why you're getting upset or being rude. I've already received my answer so now I'm discussing things between them and myself to see if there will be an issue. I clearly won't be using forums to find answers to questions in the future if people aren't even going to be friendly.  
    Um, this sounds like an exaggeration of a tone misunderstanding. No one here was rude or unfriendly towards you. You told us about a situation and asked for our opinions. We gave them to you and now we're not friendly? 

    We're not known here for being super cuddly and flowery and blowing glitter up asses. But I think our advice is pretty good most of the time and isn't that more important than holding your hand?
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  • To clarify:
    They've posted specifically that their son is coming to weddings with them on their professional social media pages. And they have taken photos and short videos at weddings of them with their son while they were supposed to be working weddings. It's been made clear that it's what they are doing, not that they were asked to bring him. I made a post on this forum solely for the opinion of what to do in the event they tell me they plan to bring their son to my wedding 9 months from now. I posted here first to get opinions before I contacted them and needed to respond if they were bringing a baby. I'm not trying to be unfair to them by assuming they are for sure bringing him, I just want to know I'm not in the wrong to not want my wedding photographers to bring their baby to a job if that is currently their intention. 

    Wow!  Interesting.  I realize a wedding photog isn't necessarily going to be spending every minute taking pics.  And will need a break here and there.

    But, as a bride, it would definitely rub me the wrong way to see there was time spent at my wedding taking cute pics and videos of their baby.

    I've been doing wedding photography for 10 years now and oftentimes I get very tight schedules to the point where I barely get to use the bathroom for 10 hours. It can be crazy! And I've assured them multiple times that I don't want them treated like wedding photographers generally are, but nevertheless, my timeline is sort of tight since I can't purchase extra hours of coverage from them, so to have anyone distracted with a baby would mean I'd definitely miss things. 
    And to be frank - it would mean that you'd be paying for services that they would not be providing.  Their service level to couples post-baby would be less than what it was pre-child and most likely would not come at a rate decrease.   Again - unprofessional on their part. 
  • I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 
  • I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 
    "Not wanting a baby at my wedding" is quite different from not wanting the child of a VENDOR at your wedding. The chefs, wait staff, bartenders, DJ, florist, literally every other vendor will have found childcare if applicable. The photographer shouldn't be any different and tHB, I think it's pretty crass and unprofessional to just assume and bring your kid to work, especially when your workplace is someone else's wedding.
    True, it's just in the photographer's situation she had a medical condition that made it nearly impossible for her to get pregnant and then after years she finally did. I'm incredibly happy for her along with everyone else, but I think it makes me seem like the jerk bride who says something when no one else will. But I don't feel that changes the situation at all because they're still supposed to be working.
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