Wedding Woes

Wedding Photographers Bringing Baby to a Wedding

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Re: Wedding Photographers Bringing Baby to a Wedding

  • I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 
    "Not wanting a baby at my wedding" is quite different from not wanting the child of a VENDOR at your wedding. The chefs, wait staff, bartenders, DJ, florist, literally every other vendor will have found childcare if applicable. The photographer shouldn't be any different and tHB, I think it's pretty crass and unprofessional to just assume and bring your kid to work, especially when your workplace is someone else's wedding.
    True, it's just in the photographer's situation she had a medical condition that made it nearly impossible for her to get pregnant and then after years she finally did. I'm incredibly happy for her along with everyone else, but I think it makes me seem like the jerk bride who says something when no one else will. But I don't feel that changes the situation at all because they're still supposed to be working.
    Nope. It’s totally okay to say “I’m super happy you have a healthy baby” and at the same time “But I’m paying you for a service that will be impeded by bringing the baby” (clearly in a bit nicer words than that).

    But I get it, you know the personal side of this, and are happy for them. But still want what you are paying for (and rightfully so!). It’s hard to separate business & personal when you know someone in both worlds, but the more you can try and do that the better you’ll all feel I think. 
  • I can barely get through an hour at a restaurant with a child that's newly mobile at that age. These people are idiots if they think they can tote a baby/toddler around to weddings and still perform the job they used to do when they didn't have the bundle of joy.
    To echo some other PPs, even when I work from home on a laptop my kid is still in daycare. Late infant/early toddler age requires CONSTANT supervision. CONSTANT. 

    Definitely reach out and get clarification on their expectations. Good luck! 
    ________________________________


  • I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 
    "Not wanting a baby at my wedding" is quite different from not wanting the child of a VENDOR at your wedding. The chefs, wait staff, bartenders, DJ, florist, literally every other vendor will have found childcare if applicable. The photographer shouldn't be any different and tHB, I think it's pretty crass and unprofessional to just assume and bring your kid to work, especially when your workplace is someone else's wedding.
    True, it's just in the photographer's situation she had a medical condition that made it nearly impossible for her to get pregnant and then after years she finally did. I'm incredibly happy for her along with everyone else, but I think it makes me seem like the jerk bride who says something when no one else will. But I don't feel that changes the situation at all because they're still supposed to be working.
    Nope. It’s totally okay to say “I’m super happy you have a healthy baby” and at the same time “But I’m paying you for a service that will be impeded by bringing the baby” (clearly in a bit nicer words than that).

    But I get it, you know the personal side of this, and are happy for them. But still want what you are paying for (and rightfully so!). It’s hard to separate business & personal when you know someone in both worlds, but the more you can try and do that the better you’ll all feel I think. 

    Second this!  This is a business transaction for a very important event in YOUR life.  I can understand some happiness and sympathy for the couple.  In just a general, normal reaction for any person, kind of way.  But the bolded is still completely irrelevant.  They need to perform the work they were hired to do, without distractions.

    TBH, I would think that, once you talk to them, they'll understand and will be accommodating.  At least, that would be the normal reaction.  Though I realize people aren't always reasonable.

    Please update us after you've talked to them.  Now I'm curious how it turns out!

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  • I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 

    All of your responses make me feel so much better! I really hope they realize they can't do this before it gets closer to my wedding because I don't want to upset them or make them hard to work with on the wedding day. I'm also afraid they may respond by saying they can't afford to have someone watch him while they work our wedding because they like to talk on social media about how they live on very little income. I just don't understand why they didn't figure this out when they had 9 months to do it. I know my wedding is still a ways away, but it's been making me nervous seeing them bring him to weddings lately and I just wanted to know I wasn't crazy for wanting to tell a new mom to keep her child at home in this situation.
    SNS - then they need to adjust their business model!  Photography is a business.  Go ahead and say "Yea NO!  Baby isn't welcome" at your wedding.  Every other working parent who works a job that is busy on weekends can figure out childcare, so can they (BTDT - not ideal).  It's one thing if they called the week of the wedding to say "Grandma came down with the Flu/Plague/needs to visit sibling out of state on short notice/etc. so can't watch LO, can we bring LO along", that's an unexpected emergency and much different than being too cheap to pay a sitter or work it into the pricing.  So the other worst case scenario is Mom works your wedding and Dad watches baby.  This isn't a "Women in Photography" - it's parenthood!  In which case, it's still them changing the parameters of the contract, not you!  Baby isn't listed in the contract, baby isn't your issue!  And, yes, one time when DD was little I had to take her along to a delivery - don't even get me started how livid I was at DH while hauling in and setting up with a LO in a booster seat..  Thankfully I could park directly next to the door and it was a cool fall evening..
  • banana468 said:
    I appreciate everyone's responses to my question. Part of me was expecting some people to say that I was in the wrong for not wanting a baby at my wedding, but hearing the opposite helped me out a lot. There is seriously nowhere online to get advice on this topic but it's a difficult thing for female wedding photographers to deal with when they want to start a family so I didn't want to be rude by telling them not to bring a baby if that was their intention when I spoke with them. But thank you to everyone who helped alleviate my worry! 
    I'm a working mom.    I get that it's stressful.   But even having a home office my kids aren't welcome here on a regular basis.  I'm lucky enough that I'm not forced to take PTO when the kiddos are home sick but I still would NEVER go on a conference call with my kid in the background.   

    During work hours my kids are in school or daycare.   The expectation of my employer is that I'm not dividing my attention during the work day between two major responsibilities.   



    man, I'm glad I'm able to silently laugh out loud at work.

  • My husband and wife photog team had a due date near when they shot our wedding.  Although he was born after our wedding, they didn't DARE ask to bring that cute baby along had he been born before.  They also have 2 other kiddos so I am sure they were adults and figured out childcare. 

    Hopefully your photogs have gotten the OK from other brides/grooms before bringing the baby along with them.  

  • "I notice that you've been posting on the Internet about bringing your baby to the weddings you photograph. However, it will not be possible for us to accommodate your baby at our wedding. Please plan accordingly to make arrangements for his care that do not involve bringing him to our wedding."
  • Jen4948 said:
    "I notice that you've been posting on the Internet about bringing your baby to the weddings you photograph. However, it will not be possible for us to accommodate your baby at our wedding. Please plan accordingly to make arrangements for his care that do not involve bringing him to our wedding."
    I get this, but I feel like it’s a little unfair to assume from their internet posts that they’re planning to bring their baby. Just because they brought the child in the past doesn’t mean they plan on doing it the future.  Or who knows maybe the couples didn’t have a problem with it.

     I think assuming based solely on the photos they’re bringing the kid could potentially causes some issues between OP & photographers that could be avoided if they asked if they are bringing the child rather than assuming and telling them no. I feel like navigating this is so much about delivery and framing. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2018
    OP any update? What did your photogs say when you spoke to them? Were they really planning on bringing him?

  • A baby who is "hard won" through fertility treatments is no more precious and special than one who came easily. They are all equally valuable and they don't belong at work.

    You are wise to consider the possibility that they might think it's okay to bring their child. After all, you have lots of internet evidence that they do. So yes, you need to clarify that the terms of your contract specify two full-time photographers. Any breach would be on their part.

    But I suspect that if they continue trying the whole "bring the baby to work" thing, they'll quickly learn that tiny compliant babies turn into willful toddlers that you can't bring anywhere.
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