You have to tell him, come what may.
My husband went into therapy to deal with some longstanding issues and rapidly became severely depressed. He stuck with therapy but refused medication. I felt alone, isolated, and helpless. Of course, our sex life vanished. He encouraged me to follow my own hobbies, as he wasn’t really up to social engagement. So I did. And in one group, I ran into “Max,” who I also work with. We ended up spending time together, and then one weekend when my husband was away on business, I slept with him. It happened again a few weeks later, again when my husband was away. I appreciated the intimacy, but I have no desire to be with Max.
Fast forward to now, a month later. Max has just told me he has herpes. I went to the doctor and got tested, and I have it too. Max is the only person I’ve ever slept with other than my husband, so I definitely got it from him. I was devastated and broke down at the doctor’s office. I felt I had to tell my husband about the STI. The doctor said I didn’t have to, as many people have it, and it is frequently symptomless, so he might never know. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him and risk a divorce? Can I keep it to myself?
—Friends With Consequences