Wedding Woes

This, THIS is the biggest problem in your life? Can we trade?

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I recently moved back to our small hometown. I’m going back to school for my master’s degree, we recently bought a house, and he has a fulfilling job that he loves. We had a small wedding we mostly paid for ourselves, and it was amazing. My mom bought our simple rings, and we paid her back. I love my ring, but back in my hometown, apparently everyone can afford big diamonds. My husband wanted to buy a ring like that, but when we priced it at the jeweler, I said no. A friend of mine recently shared that she and others buy fake rings. I wouldn’t care, except I have had people ask if “that” was my wedding ring. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do—enough to feel the need to write to you. A big diamond ring doesn’t mean anything, but I feel like it does now in my social and professional life here.

—Does Size Matter?

Re: This, THIS is the biggest problem in your life? Can we trade?

  • mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,

    My husband and I recently moved back to our small hometown. I’m going back to school for my master’s degree, we recently bought a house, and he has a fulfilling job that he loves. We had a small wedding we mostly paid for ourselves, and it was amazing. My mom bought our simple rings, and we paid her back. I love my ring, but back in my hometown, apparently everyone can afford big diamonds. My husband wanted to buy a ring like that, but when we priced it at the jeweler, I said no. A friend of mine recently shared that she and others buy fake rings. I wouldn’t care, except I have had people ask if “that” was my wedding ring. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do—enough to feel the need to write to you. A big diamond ring doesn’t mean anything, but I feel like it does now in my social and professional life here.

    —Does Size Matter?
    Oh you moved to Stepford!  

    I'm guessing that they also drive expensive Euro imports in your town too.

    Enjoy that you're not pretentious and you're living within your means.   If this is like a lot of the hometowns I've experienced there's a whole lot of "money won't buy you happiness" going around. 
    MesmrEwe
  • Ro041Ro041
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    "Yes it is.  I didn't want a large ring.  We prefer to [insert what you want to do with that money]."

  • No if she moved to Stepford everyone would have real diamonds.  Sounds like a lot of keeping up with the Jones’s if people are wearing fake diamonds just to fit in.  
    LW, I don’t really have any advice that’s not so cliche I barely use it on my 9th graders.  Money can’t buy happiness.  Be true to yourself.  Don’t follow the crowd.  It’s not what’s on the outside that matters.  Etc. 
  • eileenrob said:
    No if she moved to Stepford everyone would have real diamonds.  Sounds like a lot of keeping up with the Jones’s if people are wearing fake diamonds just to fit in.  
    LW, I don’t really have any advice that’s not so cliche I barely use it on my 9th graders.  Money can’t buy happiness.  Be true to yourself.  Don’t follow the crowd.  It’s not what’s on the outside that matters.  Etc. 
    Meh - I think the entire concept is about keeping up appearances.   
  • 6fsn6fsn
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
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    I don’t even know what to say. Part of adulthood/life is being happy with what you have and being able to say “yep it’s my ring” without having to add any buts or explanations. There are certainly things I’m jealous of, but that’s life too. A big diamond isn’t one of those though. 

    -signed ruby ringed gal
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    "That's your ring?"
    --"Yes. So, how's that debt management counselor working out for you?"
    ________________________________


    MobKazMesmrEwe
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
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    I can't remember who....maybe Gwenyth Paltrow? but some celebrity making MILLIONS a year just got married and they both have the classic matching wedding bands and it looks great on them.
    Just because you can afford it, doesn't mean you HAVE to get it.  Get it because you want it.

    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I can't believe this is what someone has chosen to write in about. 

    InLoveInQueens
  • I don’t think it’s bad to want things that you want. But it doesn’t sound like the LW actually wants  anything different. So this is easy then “yup, this is my ring and I love it. Have you tried the new coffee shop on 6th?” 
    cupcait927
  • having a big expensive diamond does not necessarily mean they can afford one. I know quite a few people who pay crazy interest over many years to "afford" their wedding and engagement rings. If you choose to do that, fine - but I know I would be much happier not being in debt over the ring I wear.
    short+sassy
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    You need bigger problem, LW. 

    I don't like justifying my purchases to anyone, but if LW feels so inclined, I'd probably say something like, "Yes, my husband and I were proud to pay for our wedding ourselves and this is what we could afford at the time. It's so sentimental that I wouldn't dream of replacing it with something fake and gaudy". 

    (okay maybe that last part is a little petty of me but that's who I am). 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • I can't believe this is what someone has chosen to write in about. 
    Agreed, it's sad that this is causing the OP so many problems that she needed to seek out a third party to tell her what to do.

    I am having trouble understanding just how many rude people there are asking such a condescending question, that's the kind of question you only respond with "yes, why do you ask?" and refuse to understand what they actually mean.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I can't believe this is what someone has chosen to write in about. 
    Agreed, it's sad that this is causing the OP so many problems that she needed to seek out a third party to tell her what to do.

    I am having trouble understanding just how many rude people there are asking such a condescending question, that's the kind of question you only respond with "yes, why do you ask?" and refuse to understand what they actually mean.
    My H gave me an unique engagement right - it was a large, round opal surrounded by a ring of diamonds. I actually had more than one person ask me if it was my "real" engagement ring. 

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
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    ya'll I know someone who will let you know if your e-ring is too "small" in her eyes.  Yes, there are people out there like this. Yes, she is pitiful. 

  • I can't believe this is what someone has chosen to write in about. 
    Agreed, it's sad that this is causing the OP so many problems that she needed to seek out a third party to tell her what to do.

    I am having trouble understanding just how many rude people there are asking such a condescending question, that's the kind of question you only respond with "yes, why do you ask?" and refuse to understand what they actually mean.
    My H gave me an unique engagement right - it was a large, round opal surrounded by a ring of diamonds. I actually had more than one person ask me if it was my "real" engagement ring. 

    I'm sure you already know this, but be careful with opals.  I've heard/read they shouldn't be worn daily because of how delicate they are.  Sorry to butt into your business!  I just wanted to warn because my mother had an opal break in a piece of jewelry she cherished.
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    InLoveInQueens
  • Yeesh, that sounds like a horrible town to live in.  I don't even notice people's jewelry (wedding rings or otherwise), usually, unless it is especially big and/or colorful.  With the exception being if someone is newly engaged.  Then I want to see and "ooh, aah" at the ring.  "Ooh and aah" for whatever it looks like and however big/small/nonexistent the stone(s) are.  If I see them wearing a ring, of course, I realize not everyone does.

    With that said, I do remember my friend talking about that in her H's profession (ex-H now, surgeon), it's a major status symbol for the wives/FI's to be sporting big diamonds on their rings.  And there's a bit of side-eye if they don't.  All of that amongst the colleagues, not necessarily their SO's.  I fully realize how gross and uber-patriarchal that first sentence sounds, but that was how the info was passed along to me, smh.

    Now she's waiting for marquise-cut diamonds to come back in style and sell it.  She's fun and snarky.  She jokes one of her biggest regrets, next to marrying him in the first place, is not having her diamond cut round so she could have sold it faster, easier, and for more money. 

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  • My H wanted me to have something bigger and round but I preferred the smaller carat square. I love my ring and wouldn't trade it for anything. I see a lot of ladies in my profession stop wearing their big engagement ring after a while and I feel happy that I went with something understated.

    Be proud of the decision you made. Spend the money you saved on something else like a home or a trip.

  • There's an aspect of DH's hometown (Stepford is based on it) that is just sad in the keeping up with the Jones aspect.  But its also now turning to a place that people don't stay for generations either. 
  • Oh, this woman does have big problems. She's deeply insecure about owning her choices and is susceptible to other people's image issues. The quicker she grows a spine, the sturdier she'll be.
    InLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I can't believe this is what someone has chosen to write in about. 
    Agreed, it's sad that this is causing the OP so many problems that she needed to seek out a third party to tell her what to do.

    I am having trouble understanding just how many rude people there are asking such a condescending question, that's the kind of question you only respond with "yes, why do you ask?" and refuse to understand what they actually mean.
    My H gave me an unique engagement right - it was a large, round opal surrounded by a ring of diamonds. I actually had more than one person ask me if it was my "real" engagement ring. 

    I'm sure you already know this, but be careful with opals.  I've heard/read they shouldn't be worn daily because of how delicate they are.  Sorry to butt into your business!  I just wanted to warn because my mother had an opal break in a piece of jewelry she cherished.
    Yup, I know. I was warned about that early on. I rarely wear it now, and it's stored in our safe. 

  • All the women I know who have the posh family rings (the massive gems that have been handed down for generations from Lord or Duke so and so), only wear a simple plain gold/platinum band every day (not even with any gemstones). They maybe wear it for big events, but it is certainly not an everyday.  They have nothing to prove. And neither do you, LW. 

    Anyone who comments on another's wedding ring is deeply, deeply uncouth. It says more about them than about you. Money is a ghastly topic, and the only thing worse is gossiping and commenting on others' perceived status. 
    Yep!  THIS!!!  

    Learned that years ago from mentors of mine!

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