Destination Weddings

Family Is hinting at us to change our wedding date

So my fiance and I got engaged a month ago.  Since the moment we did, we have been asked when is the date.  Everyone knew we were going to do a destination wedding so they wanted to start preparing for it.

We found a beutiful all-inclusive resort that customizes weddings to my liking. My fiance and I came up with May 24, 2020 because it is Memorial Day weekend, and people would have that Monday off to be able to come and we could do the wedding on a Sunday so it is cheaper.

I began telling mine and my fiance's family.  I get a text shortly after from my fiance's sister saying that weekend will be her husbands little brother's high school graduation weekend.  My fiance's mom starts texting me asking me to change the day, because they would have to come down seperately and she was already freaking out.

I attempted to change it to the following day, May 25, 2020, but the hotel said my reception area was already booked for that day. I'm not sure what to do at this point.  Should I try changing it to a different weekend to not make any family wedding drama, or should I keep it as is?

*My fiance's sister's husband's family is not even invited to the wedding they are not close with them.  The sister also is really high strung and stresses about everything.

Re: Family Is hinting at us to change our wedding date

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    edited October 16
    Why don't you invite them to your courthouse wedding?  The date is probably easier for them since it will not conflict with the graduation ceremony.  I think they will prefer to attend your actual wedding ceremony versus the fake destination theatrics in Mexico.

    OP, if friends and family are already informing you that your date is inconvenient and are "freaking out" about your plans, imagine how they will feel when they find out your destination "wedding" is not even real?

    "@flantastic said, "With their complaints, they are trying to give you clues that this plan is too expensive and inconvenient for them to do comfortably (especially his mother, who is already freaking out about not being able to share travel expenses). You are free to tell them "our plans are our plans, and we understand if you won't be able to join us," but then you also have to understand if they actually don't come. Also understand that "blowing my reserve cash" and "missing my son's wedding" are hard choices for a person to make, so she'll naturally attempt to change the plans first".

    Now factor in that this is NOT the legal ceremony and that plans to inform guests of this fact are NOT going to be forthcoming....to "spare hurt feelings".

    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensjustsieeileenrob
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    You're asking people to fly to Mexico over a holiday weekend, where flights will be more expensive, and typically rates are a hotel/resort are high. 

    You're lying to your guests, and they will not be witnessing an actual wedding ceremony. 

    Change your wedding to a different date. Tell your guests that you'll actually be getting married in the states before you go to Mexico. 

    Problem solved. 

    ahoyweddingMyNameIsNotthisismynickname2eileenrob
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    Why don't you just take your honeymoon in Mexico? You could even hire a photographer and bring your dress if you want. 

    I'm kind of surprised that someone has planned a graduation party over a year and a half in advance, so I am assuming that family members are unhappy that they're expected to spend their money to watch your reenactment on a beach so they're finding reasons not to go.

    And sure YOU saved some money with the "wedding" on a Sunday, but you cost everyone else way more money by scheduling it on a holiday weekend when flights and rooms are way jacked up. 

    And I don't understand your little footnote about your fiance's BIL's family. Sure, his family might not be invited but I would hope he would be. Are you trying to say that he should put his BIL's destination skit over his own brother's graduation? That's a shitty situation to put them in.
    I don't think it's that they planned a graduation party, it's that the school has already put out their 2019-2020 calendar, complete with graduation ceremony date. You can have the party anytime, but you can only watch the kid cross the stage once. I think that part is what's happening on that Sunday.
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH okay that makes sense. Thank you. 

    Maybe they can reenact the graduation for SIL & BIL when they get home from your reenactment, OP!
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    Also, "destination skit" - LOL

    OP, of course they don't want to travel, spend lots of money, and miss a real, actual graduation, for something that's just a pretty beach+wedding dress photo op. That's why there are complaints. Getting married (at some point in May 2020) does not give you carte blanche to ask ridiculous things of people, like move around the rest of their lives to see you pretend to get married on a beach.

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    short+sassyMyNameIsNotMesmrEwe
  • Holiday weekends SEEM like good weekends for weddings or big events because of the extra travel day, but a lot of people already have standing plans for that weekend. Memorial Day is a busy weekend for schools, some sports, and if anyone works retail/hospitality they're not going to get off. Also, plane tickets and hotels are more expensive.

    Add all that to the fact that your wedding is a "destination skit" (as so eloquently stated above), and it's understandable why your families aren't going. The general rule of thumb is to clear the date with anyone you REALLY want to be there (immediate fam, best friends) before booking anything.
    InLoveInQueens
  • MobKaz said:
    Why don't you invite them to your courthouse wedding?  The date is probably easier for them since it will not conflict with the graduation ceremony.  I think they will prefer to attend your actual wedding ceremony versus the fake destination theatrics in Mexico.

    Good info for lurkers.  Don't set a date and/or put financial obligations down, until you have made sure there are no conflicts with VIPs.

    Heck, yeah!  Just do the bolded.  It's, by far, the most important part anyway.

    And then assure them it's okay and you all understand, if they can't make the Mexico re-enactment.

    In addition, I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT LIE to your guests.  That is all kinds of messed up.  I'm sure there are people who will still like to join you all.  But it is their choice if they want to spend the huge amounts of time and money to go to an event that isn't the real wedding ceremony.  Do not take that choice away from them by pretending this is something that it isn't.  This can potentially cause huge wedges in those relationships.

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited October 20
    I can already tell you what I'm doing Memorial Day weekend 2020...  Yes, Memorial Day Weekend is a HUGE graduation weekend across the country!  

    ETA:  Glad you're adjusting plans to accommodate your guests!  Just know that some will not be able to come because it is a huge expense for them to undertake as a lot can change between now and then financially for them (unexpected medical costs, etc.)..  
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    ahoywedding
  • I don’t really understand this “fake vs real” wedding. Real weddings to me are when you say your vowels to each other. When you stand in front of your friends and family and share your love for this person you are marrying. A piece of paper at the courthouse doesn’t define a marriage for me. More and more people are getting legally married for healthcare etc as soon as they get engaged. If someone got married on paper before the wedding I wouldn’t even want to know. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I don’t really understand this “fake vs real” wedding. Real weddings to me are when you say your vowels to each other. When you stand in front of your friends and family and share your love for this person you are marrying. A piece of paper at the courthouse doesn’t define a marriage for me. More and more people are getting legally married for healthcare etc as soon as they get engaged. If someone got married on paper before the wedding I wouldn’t even want to know. 


    Your statement that "it's just a piece of paper" is incredibly insulting. You do realize that up until a few years ago, not everyone could go get that piece of paper? 

    You can't just change facts. A legal ceremony is the real one in which you are married. 
    Also, it's vow, not vowel. 

    InLoveInQueensahoyweddingeileenrobjustsie
  • I don’t really understand this “fake vs real” wedding. Real weddings to me are when you say your vowels to each other. When you stand in front of your friends and family and share your love for this person you are marrying. A piece of paper at the courthouse doesn’t define a marriage for me. More and more people are getting legally married for healthcare etc as soon as they get engaged. If someone got married on paper before the wedding I wouldn’t even want to know. 
    So does that mean my husband and I didn't actually get married, because all we got was a piece of paper at the courthouse?
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I don’t really understand this “fake vs real” wedding. Real weddings to me are when you say your vowels to each other. When you stand in front of your friends and family and share your love for this person you are marrying. A piece of paper at the courthouse doesn’t define a marriage for me. More and more people are getting legally married for healthcare etc as soon as they get engaged. If someone got married on paper before the wedding I wouldn’t even want to know. 

    eileenrob
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I don’t really understand this “fake vs real” wedding. Real weddings to me are when you say your vowels to each other. When you stand in front of your friends and family and share your love for this person you are marrying. A piece of paper at the courthouse doesn’t define a marriage for me. More and more people are getting legally married for healthcare etc as soon as they get engaged. If someone got married on paper before the wedding I wouldn’t even want to know. 
    Is anyone else imagining two people sounding like whale song saying all the vowels to each other?

    anyone?....



    sparklepants41
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