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Invites and Paper

What to do

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Re: What to do

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have no real problem inviting the husband. My problem was more that I knew nothing of this person until after our save the dates went out and now my future MIL is saying she does not believe the other cousin is seeing anyone, but she cannot say for sure. 
    First, if you're (you and FI) really not close enough to these people to even have a way of contacting them, you shouldn't be inviting them to your wedding.

    Second, tell your FI to grow the F up and get these people's phone numbers. He needs to learn to do things himself instead of waiting for his mommy to do it for him.  
    ShesSoColdeileenrobahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • edited November 2018
    They have Facebook, but I am not friends with any of them. If I knew the cousins I would not have a problem adding them and messaging them, but since I do not know them I thought I could count on my FMIL to be able to handle this. My FMIL gave us a list of 60+ people we had to invite and the cousins were on the list. She gave this same list to the brother and the brother told her no, but my fiance said okay.
  • They have Facebook, but I am not friends with any of them. If I knew the cousins I would not have a problem adding them and messaging them, but since I do not know them I thought I could count on my FMIL to be able to handle this. My FMIL gave us a list of 60+ people we had to invite and the cousins were on the list. She gave this same list to the brother and the brother told her no, but my fiance said okay.
    Is your FI friends with them on FB then? Like honestly this isn’t that hard. If he said yes to inviting them , then he needs to actually help in contacting them to properly invite them. 
    ahoywedding
  • Yes he is, but he won't contact him. I had the same issue before. I needed an address for another family member. He told me his mother would get it for me so I asked his mother and I waited weeks for her to give me the address so finally I just added her on Facebook since I actually know that family member and messaged her directly. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a mess. Why is it that your FI will not contact his relatives!?

  • I have no clue why he won't. Probably because he never talks to him and his mother offered to get everyone's info so he figured he'd let her.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes he is, but he won't contact him. I had the same issue before. I needed an address for another family member. He told me his mother would get it for me so I asked his mother and I waited weeks for her to give me the address so finally I just added her on Facebook since I actually know that family member and messaged her directly. 
    Why is your FI ok with doing nothing and leaving you to wait around for his mother?

    You're making him sound really lazy and childish. 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • I am not trying to make him sound really lazy or childish. He called his mother to get the addresses to begin with because she said she was getting a list around. She emailed him the list which include those who were in relationships and she did not include that his cousin was in a relationship. She had mentioned one time several months ago before we were engaged that the cousin had sort of been seeing someone, but never really said they were in a relationship. His mother also told us she had spoke with the aunt who said the two cousins might not even come and if they did it would just be the three of them. The two cousins live with the aunt so we were under the impression that the aunt would have said something if her daughter had a boyfriend since the daughter lives with her. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I am not trying to make him sound really lazy or childish. He called his mother to get the addresses to begin with because she said she was getting a list around. She emailed him the list which include those who were in relationships and she did not include that his cousin was in a relationship. She had mentioned one time several months ago before we were engaged that the cousin had sort of been seeing someone, but never really said they were in a relationship. His mother also told us she had spoke with the aunt who said the two cousins might not even come and if they did it would just be the three of them. The two cousins live with the aunt so we were under the impression that the aunt would have said something if her daughter had a boyfriend since the daughter lives with her. 
    All I'm reading here is "blah blah blah not my fault blah blah blah I'm an innocent victim blah blah blah I don't want to take responsibility blah blah blah".
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    climbingwifeahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • I am not trying to make him sound really lazy or childish. He called his mother to get the addresses to begin with because she said she was getting a list around. She emailed him the list which include those who were in relationships and she did not include that his cousin was in a relationship. She had mentioned one time several months ago before we were engaged that the cousin had sort of been seeing someone, but never really said they were in a relationship. His mother also told us she had spoke with the aunt who said the two cousins might not even come and if they did it would just be the three of them. The two cousins live with the aunt so we were under the impression that the aunt would have said something if her daughter had a boyfriend since the daughter lives with her. 
    So if the daughters live with the aunt now that’s where you send save the dates. Assuming that when daughter 1 gets married she will then live with her husband, you have from now until 6-8 weeks before the wedding to get her new address and name. 

    Are the STDs being sent directly from the company? Even if they’re pre-addressed you can always write in his name with a note about how you’re sorry he was left off but you’re excited to meet them all at the wedding. 

    Yes maybe you just have to Facebook message them now if your FI refuses to, but really it’s not that hard. I have had my h’s Friends FB me for our address because they know he isn’t on there much and doesn’t always respond to messages quickly. It’s not a big deal. 
    ahoywedding
  • I am sending three separate STD because it is proper to send one to anyone over 18. The cousins are 20 and 23 so they each got one. They are coming from the company to me and then I am sending them out. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I am not trying to make him sound really lazy or childish. He called his mother to get the addresses to begin with because she said she was getting a list around. She emailed him the list which include those who were in relationships and she did not include that his cousin was in a relationship. She had mentioned one time several months ago before we were engaged that the cousin had sort of been seeing someone, but never really said they were in a relationship. His mother also told us she had spoke with the aunt who said the two cousins might not even come and if they did it would just be the three of them. The two cousins live with the aunt so we were under the impression that the aunt would have said something if her daughter had a boyfriend since the daughter lives with her. 
    Oh, I don't think you're trying to make him sound that way. I think he is really lazy, and you're making excuses for him.

    Tell him to grow up and do this himself. You are not marrying his mother. 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • I am sending three separate STD because it is proper to send one to anyone over 18. The cousins are 20 and 23 so they each got one. They are coming from the company to me and then I am sending them out. 
    Right, so what I’m saying is for the cousin who is getting married make a note in/on their STD including her FI. That way they are included. 

    You dont need to inlcude a plus one for the aunt or aunt or the other sibling. If they are dating someone now, or if they get a partner/SO/relationship by the time your invites go out you do need to invite them by name. 
    eileenrob
  • edited November 2018
    I was able to reach out to the company that is addressing the envelopes and they are able to make the changes because they have not been printed yet. I told my fiance was going contact his cousins. The cousin who is not married confirmed she isn't seeing anyone and she is going to have her sister contact me because she does not believe her sister's husband plans on attending, but I went ahead and told the company addressing the envelopes to include him on it anyways. 
  • And for all those who were angry at me for not including the cousin's husband she told me he can't attend and not to include him on the STD or invitations.
  • edited November 2018
    Our wedding is in July 2019. We are sending out the STDs. His wife specifically asked me not to include him because he cannot attend anyways. I told her I would be more than welcome to include him, but she said it was completely unnecessary. I checked with her last night and she said just to make the STD and invitation to her. He might not be able to come because money is very tight. In fact, the cousins were originally not going to come because money was so tight, but they have worked it out that the cousins can come. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    And for all those who were angry at me for not including the cousin's husband she told me he can't attend and not to include him on the STD or invitations.
    That's totally fine if it comes from the cousin directly. But I wouldn't have been willing to assume through a game of telephone that this was the case. And I would always err on the side of being polite especially when it's someone I don't know.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875MairePoppy
  • Our wedding is in July 2019. We are sending out the STDs. His wife specifically asked me not to include him because he cannot attend anyways. I told her I would be more than welcome to include him, but she said it was completely unnecessary. I checked with her last night and she said just to make the STD and invitation to her. He might not be able to come because money is very tight. In fact, the cousins were originally not going to come because money was so tight, but they have worked it out that the cousins can come. 
    Jesus Christ. Just include her husband. Your wedding is 8 months from now. 

    You only need to send STDs to your VIP guests. They do not need to go out to every person you're inviting. 
    OMG this.   
    MairePoppy
  • Our wedding is in July 2019. We are sending out the STDs. His wife specifically asked me not to include him because he cannot attend anyways. I told her I would be more than welcome to include him, but she said it was completely unnecessary. I checked with her last night and she said just to make the STD and invitation to her. He might not be able to come because money is very tight. In fact, the cousins were originally not going to come because money was so tight, but they have worked it out that the cousins can come. 
    Jesus Christ. Just include her husband. Your wedding is 8 months from now. 

    You only need to send STDs to your VIP guests. They do not need to go out to every person you're inviting.  


    SITB-  yes to the bolded.  I wouldn’t bother sending STDs to people you and FI  don’t have a relationship with.  Come May when invites go out, invite everyone with their SO/spouse by name and let them decide how to rsvp.
    short+sassy
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