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Wedding Woes

Time for a new therapist.

Dear Prudence,

I just started seeing the same therapist my boyfriend went to until three months ago, and I can’t shake the feeling that something happened between them. It was the way she was smiling when she was talking about him and the fact that she mentioned him without it being necessary. Also, he told me one of the reasons he stopped seeing her was because their conversations “got too casual” and the fact that I don’t trust him or myself. I asked him about it. He told me nothing happened between them and then immediately asked why would I think that. What should I do? I can’t stop thinking about it and would like to search for another therapist if something were to have happened between them. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

—Something Fishy

Re: Time for a new therapist.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Definitely a new therapist. Someone smiling when they mention a person's name isn't exactly concrete evidence. Hopefully the new therapist can help with this too. Also I don't think partners seeing the same individual therapist is the greatest idea. 

    Also, I stopped seeing a therapist because the conversations got too casual. We had become friends and spent the hour talking about dogs and other casual conversational things. I can assure you that nothing happened between me, at like 21 and a 50 something female therapist. 
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    banana468
  • Maybe nothing happened.   But the therapist is crossing a line.   

    Why you'd see the same therapist as your BF makes no sense to me.   That screams conflict of interest and I am wondering what's up with the LW. 
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  •  Also I don't think partners seeing the same individual therapist is the greatest idea. 
    Yes, I totally agree.  Therapists are humans and I'm just not sure I could trust one to be neutral if DH and I were seeing the same one on an individual basis. I guess I can see a therapist who sees the couple together having an individual session here and there.  But if most of the therapy is done as a couple then a one-off is different, IMO.

    Also, it doesn't seem ethical on the therapist's part.  I'd think that the person who came along second should be referred out to someone else. 
    charlotte989875
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mrsconn23 said:
     Also I don't think partners seeing the same individual therapist is the greatest idea. 
    Yes, I totally agree.  Therapists are humans and I'm just not sure I could trust one to be neutral if DH and I were seeing the same one on an individual basis. I guess I can see a therapist who sees the couple together having an individual session here and there.  But if most of the therapy is done as a couple then a one-off is different, IMO.

    Also, it doesn't seem ethical on the therapist's part.  I'd think that the person who came along second should be referred out to someone else. 
    Yes, I absolutely agree with all of this. I've been in individual therapy with family sessions, I've been in couple's counseling with individual sessions. But they served a purpose; so my parents could understand how to deal with me or so my couple's counselor could get to know us individually or things like that. 

    At the very least, this therapist is inappropriate for seeing partners individually and at most she's slept with a client in a committed relationship. Either way it's best that both partners find new counselors. 
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    mrsconn23charlotte989875eileenrob
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unless you're getting couples counseling, I would have separate therapists.

    And since this one makes you uncomfortable by being too casual, I'd get a new one.
    charlotte989875eileenrob
  • Dumb the therapist. 

    But he told you nothing happened and either 1) you have to trust that he’s telling the truth and find a way to move on, or 2) recognize you don’t trust him and decide if that’s something you can live with. 
    eileenrobshort+sassyMyNameIsNotdowntondiva
  • Yikes. Regardless of whether or not anything happened between the therapist and the boyfriend, LW needs to start looking for a new therapist NOW, especially since it can take a while to find one that you're comfortable with. iIMHO, it was really inappropriate for the therapist to take them both on as clients. I don't know if there's an official standard or rule about this sort of thing, but I don't see how anyone could stay neutral when seeing both partners in a relationship. Also, doesn't it kind of increase the risk of breaching confidentiality?



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  • I don't know if any of you are watching the "You" tv series.  But the creepy main character starts seeing the therapist of his g/f, aka the woman he is obsessed with.  Partially because he thinks his g/f is seeing the therapist romantically.

    Of course, the therapist doesn't know that's who he is.  Creepy guy even talks about his actual relationship with the g/f, except changes her gender to male.  To throw off the therapist jic he recognizes any similarities in stories.

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think in this instance, LW should trust her instincts. And find a new therapist. 

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