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Wedding Woes

Monday, Monday, Monday!

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Re: Monday, Monday, Monday!

  • @ShesSoCold, Especially with a major move on the horizon, he needs to be going into purge-mode.  And this is coming from a fellow semi-hoarder, lol.  The deadline is approaching.  I don't know if this will work for him, but pointing out the financial stupidity works for me.  For example, "We are NOT towing a boat that you're planning to sell anyway.  Either sell it or junk it."

    Moving across the country is exponentially harder and more expensive with a lot of dead weight.  It's a bigger moving van.  A bigger apartment or renting a storage unit.  Probably both.  For example, "I know you want to keep all of your paintball gear, canoe oars, fishing gear, etc.  But do you want to keep them at a cost of $XXX/month more for a larger apartment AND $200/month for a big storage unit?"

    One of the things that worked for us in purging (and I’m the keeper of things) was NOT the economic argument, haha. It was H asking for a reasonable timeline for me to go through things and if I didn’t then after that deadline he would (and he would get rid of a lot more than I would!).

    We also agreed I’d ask “Do I want this? Will I really use this? Will I be donating it/will it be collecting dust in 6 months?”  And if I honestly answered those questions he wouldn’t judge what I decided to keep. It helped me get rid of a ton of clothes and shoes/purses. 

    Although there is one one pair of boots I got rid of that I went looking for this weekend! 
    ShesSoColdshort+sassyVarunaTT
  • Hmmm..so maybe the "if we're keeping this, we're storing it up your ass" approach I've been using isn't the correct one? 
    😂😂 wouldn’t have worked on me. 
  • organizing stuff is something DH and I have been working on too. We recently organized his workbench which was all in plastic tubs and boxes and piles. It was a mess. We did “industrial“ (metal, adjustable, open) shelves and I found a local store that had plastic drawers of different sizes that fit together.  Not only did having the different sizes really help save space but going through everything helped DH see what he actually has.

    @VarunaTT I noticed you said that K will pile things until you organize them, maybe part of the problem is that they don’t have a good idea of what they have.  It seemed so stupid to buy what are essentially expensive plastic drawers but having everything cohesive, labeled, and having a spot has relieved a lot of stress. Even for DH, because he was just dreading the day we did this (I’ve been wanting to for at least 3 years) but now that it is over he is so happy with how it turned out. He even stopped buying things because he didn’t where the thing he already owned was. 
  • My DH is the keeper of nostalgia and at some point he's going to have to toss it.

    I found old Pepsi cans with Star Wars characters on them in the basement.   They're used and clean and older than my marriage. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    None of the above arguments have worked on FI. He is the biggest hoarder. And shopper. I cannot with him. I just want a home that is decorated to a tasteful level, and he won’t stop buying shit. And he won’t get rid of anything. He swears he will when he has the time and I don’t understand how the concept of “spend thirty minutes a day on it until it’s done” is so foreign. Yes, we have a lot going on. But thirty minutes for my sanity is a small price to pay. 


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 4
    I tend to be the backwards approach thinker.  "Have I used this in the past year?  Two years?  Three years?"  If I'm hitting 3 years since I've used it, it can go.  And then in new purchases, I try to be really honest with myself.  "Am I really going to use this?  Is it a one time/special usage item?  Is that one time/special usage worth it?"  I know it sounds silly, but my cookie drop tool is a good example.  It has one job: pick up dough in tablespoon size balls to the cookie sheet.  But it's convenient and I use it enough, so it was worth it and I keep it, even when I haven't baked for awhile.

    And like I said, I have keepsakes.  But I believe keepsakes are to be displayed.  You keep them for the joy they give you, so if they aren't being saved and displayed, where's the joy?  So, we've bought an artists portfolio for all of K's roller derby posters, shelves for all of the nice roller derby awards, and a smaller photograph book for pics of the DIY awards that are just thrown together crap, but still want to be remembered.  All of them are in a corner of our bedroom, over their roller derby gear.  So they have done a lot of growth in this area generally.  It's really the crafts that's been getting out of control.

    @missJeanLouise They have drawers and organizers.  It's just that the drawers/organizers are already full, so the piles are b/c the drawers are full and the new stuff doesn't have someplace to go.  We talked more about it and they unsubscribed to the sales coupons and ads from the craft stores for now.  And it's truly not about the money, it's about there's so much stuff it's overwhelming.  And when we've already bought organizing things, and what happens is organizer gets full with new stuff, and new stuff keeps being bought...the problem here is using old stuff before buying new stuff.

    ETA:  To kind of demonstrate how much of a sentimental hoader K can be:  There are...two for sure, but I keep thinking 3, t-shirt quilts.  :D  And more t-shirts in a box in storage b/c they don't want another tshirt quilt, so they're trying to brainstorm on what to do with those.
    charlotte989875ShesSoColdeileenrob
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I have a confession to make.

    When I was in 8th grade, my mom took me to an Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie show. We were 12th row and it was the closest I'd ever been and I FREAKING LOVED IT. The next year, the t-shirt I bought was in an overnight bag in my boyfriend's car when it was broken into and stolen. 

    I found the t-shirt on Ebay and asked for it for Christmas. To add to the 2 bins of t-shirts I already have, not to mention the dozen-ish I have hanging in my closet. 

    I am only slightly ashamed. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    VarunaTTeileenrobcharlotte989875levioosa
  • Most of K's shirts are roller derby related.  One of the things we've been thinking about is making a pennant looking banner to have all of the logos cut out and made into, then hang it around the bedroom/roller derby corner.  I absolutely keep my mouth shut about any of the derby stuffs, that's their passion.  Heck, I'm the one who started a subscription box for roller derby, so a lot of that is officially now my fault.  :D
    ShesSoColdcharlotte989875
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @short+sassy that is the sweetest thing ever! My eyes might've sweated a bit!
    short+sassycharlotte989875eileenrob
  • I think when we moved 7 years ago DH finally tossed his little league trophies.

    We are 38.  He did not play baseball in HS or college.  


    mrsconn23ShesSoCold
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I just recently threw away my bowling trophies. From the peewee league. 

    Key words though - THREW AWAY.

    H and I went through the crawl space, I had three garbage bags and two bins of garage sale/donation stuff. H just moved his stuff from one bin to a different one. Cause, ya know, you never know when you might need a paintball mask.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @short+sassy that’s incredibly sweet. 

    Dh is the pack rat and MESSY.
    For the messy: it drives me insane to toss wrappers and receipts and whatnot that accumulated on his dresser just so I can dust it. I usually give a heads up “I’m dusting tomorrow” and he knows to clear it. 

    He also has a few baskets and a file cabinet to keep papers/stuff in. He’s gotten very good about go through them when they start to overflow. I still have the occasional blow up about it though. 

    For sentimental: if he wants to keep it I find it a home. We don’t have a lot of big stuff too keep so that’s pretty easy. 

    There is just only so much space and we have so many people. Sometimes things have to give and even he would rather give up papers to fu d room for the kids old uniforms or his grandmas pictures 

    I will add that having to clean out his grandma’s condo recently has helped give perspective. His mom was trying to give us perfectly good stuff that we just didn’t need- glasses, mixing bowls, etc. those got passed to other people. We kept sone of the big momentos (if his brother didn’t steal it first, but I’m not bitter)
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    6fsn said:
    @short+sassy that’s incredibly sweet. 

    Dh is the pack rat and MESSY.
    For the messy: it drives me insane to toss wrappers and receipts and whatnot that accumulated on his dresser just so I can dust it. I usually give a heads up “I’m dusting tomorrow” and he knows to clear it. 

    He also has a few baskets and a file cabinet to keep papers/stuff in. He’s gotten very good about go through them when they start to overflow. I still have the occasional blow up about it though. 

    For sentimental: if he wants to keep it I find it a home. We don’t have a lot of big stuff too keep so that’s pretty easy. 

    There is just only so much space and we have so many people. Sometimes things have to give and even he would rather give up papers to fu d room for the kids old uniforms or his grandmas pictures 

    I will add that having to clean out his grandma’s condo recently has helped give perspective. His mom was trying to give us perfectly good stuff that we just didn’t need- glasses, mixing bowls, etc. those got passed to other people. We kept sone of the big momentos (if his brother didn’t steal it first, but I’m not bitter)
    SAME! Literally the exact same thing goes on in my house @6fsn.  He leaves containers and wrappers on the nightstand and it annoys the crap out of me.  I understand when he cannot throw food out (even if it's bad food!) because he didn't grow up with a lot of money and I bet no food was wasted...but when he cant throw garbage out I always wonder if he got in trouble as a kid for throwing something away when he shouldn't have and now, to be safe, doesn't throw anything away.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    H has an entire bedroom as his closet because he's such a mess and I can't handle it. He empties his pockets on the desk in there and leaves whatever change, receipts, little plastic things he uses for work, misc. bullshit on it until I yell at him. He won't clean it off when I ask nicely two or three times, for some reasons he feels it necessary to wait until I get pissy. 

    My childhood best friend shared a room with her sister (in the attic) because her dad had so many baseball cards that they took up an entire bedroom (the biggest bedroom outside of the master and on the first floor). I never realized how crazy I thought it was until I was an adult. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    @charmedpam- my MIL laughs that she never taught her kids to clean.  When I'm making mine dust and vacuum and scrub bathrooms I just keep thinking "your future spouse will thank me."

    Dh will comment that he learned to clean from his sister- by shoving things under the bed. Dude, you're 41 not 11. Knock that shit off.

    eileenrobShesSoColdcharlotte989875MNNEBride
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    6fsn said:

    @charmedpam- my MIL laughs that she never taught her kids to clean.  When I'm making mine dust and vacuum and scrub bathrooms I just keep thinking "your future spouse will thank me."

    Dh will comment that he learned to clean from his sister- by shoving things under the bed. Dude, you're 41 not 11. Knock that shit off.

    They really really will.

    eileenrobMNNEBride
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    6fsn said:

    @charmedpam- my MIL laughs that she never taught her kids to clean.  When I'm making mine dust and vacuum and scrub bathrooms I just keep thinking "your future spouse will thank me."

    Dh will comment that he learned to clean from his sister- by shoving things under the bed. Dude, you're 41 not 11. Knock that shit off.

    They really really will.
    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. As the spouse of someone who never learned to clean, I thank you.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    levioosaeileenrobMNNEBride
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    6fsn said:

    @charmedpam- my MIL laughs that she never taught her kids to clean.  When I'm making mine dust and vacuum and scrub bathrooms I just keep thinking "your future spouse will thank me."

    Dh will comment that he learned to clean from his sister- by shoving things under the bed. Dude, you're 41 not 11. Knock that shit off.

    They really really will.
    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. As the spouse of someone who never learned to clean, I thank you.
    Aside from bff and my sister (who married neat freaks), this is a common complaint among my friends.  Cleanliness and hoarding! 

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