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Attire and Accessories

Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom

My mother and MIL want wondered what colors they should wear to our wedding. Our colors are red, black, and grey/silver as an accent color. The bridesmaids dresses are fire engine red. What colors do you think I should recommend to them? They asked for my opinion.

Re: Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My mother and MIL want wondered what colors they should wear to our wedding. Our colors are red, black, and grey/silver as an accent color. The bridesmaids dresses are fire engine red. What colors do you think I should recommend to them? They asked for my opinion.

    Tell them if they want to match your wedding colors, then pick their favorite of those colors. You can find some bomb dresses in red, black, and silver.

    Tell them it also doesn't matter if the two of them are in the same color.

    Tell them to find what looks good on them, and if it happens not to be your wedding colors, then awesome, because it's their body and they should wear what they like and feel comfortable in.

    Anniversary

    MobKazshort+sassybanana468
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited December 6
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".

    ETA - I find it pretty hard to believe that you truly don't care what any of these people wear but are shitting yourself over a tattoo and a pair of gym shoes...
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    LondonLisa
  • I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    For some reason they think I have time to spend picking out their outfits because they want me to like what they wear. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.

    Anniversary

    charlotte989875
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    For some reason they think I have time to spend picking out their outfits because they want me to like what they wear. 
    "Choose anything you want - I will like it because you like it and feel great in it." is the response to that.

    Anniversary

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tell them to wear whatever colors they want. 

    My mom and my MIL both chose to wear black. 

  • I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
    If she's one of your best friends and your mother, she probably knows you pretty well. And there's probably a reason that she won't just go out and buy whatever she wants. 

    My mom was also one of my best friends and she bought her dress for my wedding without any input from me. She mentioned she found a dress when she was shopping for something else and then showed it to me. Not for my approval, but just to show me. Because she knew that I actually didn't care what she wore. 

    If your "perfect" day depends on the attire of your families and lack of visible tattoos, you've got backwards-ass priorities. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    climbingwife
  • I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
    If she's one of your best friends and your mother, she probably knows you pretty well. And there's probably a reason that she won't just go out and buy whatever she wants. 

    My mom was also one of my best friends and she bought her dress for my wedding without any input from me. She mentioned she found a dress when she was shopping for something else and then showed it to me. Not for my approval, but just to show me. Because she knew that I actually didn't care what she wore. 

    If your "perfect" day depends on the attire of your families and lack of visible tattoos, you've got backwards-ass priorities. 
    I've told my mother and the rest of my family to wear what they want. The only people I have requested wear something specific is the bridal party because we wanted them to look uniform. I told the bridal party they can wear any silver shoes, do their own hair or have it professionally done and how ever they want, do their own makeup or have it professionally done, and I dropped the issue of the tattoo with my sister. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
    If she's one of your best friends and your mother, she probably knows you pretty well. And there's probably a reason that she won't just go out and buy whatever she wants. 

    My mom was also one of my best friends and she bought her dress for my wedding without any input from me. She mentioned she found a dress when she was shopping for something else and then showed it to me. Not for my approval, but just to show me. Because she knew that I actually didn't care what she wore. 

    If your "perfect" day depends on the attire of your families and lack of visible tattoos, you've got backwards-ass priorities. 
    I've told my mother and the rest of my family to wear what they want. The only people I have requested wear something specific is the bridal party because we wanted them to look uniform. I told the bridal party they can wear any silver shoes, do their own hair or have it professionally done and how ever they want, do their own makeup or have it professionally done, and I dropped the issue of the tattoo with my sister. 
    Except your dad, right? He has to wear a specific color, so your FI can stand out. 

    Also, the attire of your guests will have no bearing on how "perfect" you day is. Just like your sister's tattoo. Keep telling everyone to wear whatever they want! You don't need to be so involved in everyone's attire. 

  • edited December 6
    I also think both families want opinions because we are having multiple weddings within a short period of time. My brother's wedding is in April, mine is in July, and my fiance's brother is in August. So there is a lot of stuff to do for all three weddings that they don't want to have to put too much thought into their outfit choices. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I also think both families want opinions because we are having multiple weddings within a short period of time. My brother's wedding is in April, mine is in July, and my fiance's brother is in August. So there is a lot of stuff to do for all three weddings that they don't want to have to put too much thought into their outfit choices. 
    I don't understand how that matters. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    climbingwife
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I also think both families want opinions because we are having multiple weddings within a short period of time. My brother's wedding is in April, mine is in July, and my fiance's brother is in August. 
    No one is going to care what your mothers wear, or really remember if they wear the same dress to multiple weddings. They don't have to match.  You can't get annoyed that they keep asking you if you keep offering opinions. Everytime they ask just say "Please wear whatever you like and you feel great in. Flowers are going to be x,y and z colours". Keep repeating it. 
  • edited December 6
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
    If she's one of your best friends and your mother, she probably knows you pretty well. And there's probably a reason that she won't just go out and buy whatever she wants. 

    My mom was also one of my best friends and she bought her dress for my wedding without any input from me. She mentioned she found a dress when she was shopping for something else and then showed it to me. Not for my approval, but just to show me. Because she knew that I actually didn't care what she wore. 

    If your "perfect" day depends on the attire of your families and lack of visible tattoos, you've got backwards-ass priorities. 
    I've told my mother and the rest of my family to wear what they want. The only people I have requested wear something specific is the bridal party because we wanted them to look uniform. I told the bridal party they can wear any silver shoes, do their own hair or have it professionally done and how ever they want, do their own makeup or have it professionally done, and I dropped the issue of the tattoo with my sister. 
    Except your dad, right? He has to wear a specific color, so your FI can stand out. 

    Also, the attire of your guests will have no bearing on how "perfect" you day is. Just like your sister's tattoo. Keep telling everyone to wear whatever they want! You don't need to be so involved in everyone's attire. 
    I am telling them that, but I've already been told by my mother and grandmother that they want me to go shopping with them and my MIL is going shopping with my mother so that means I will also be shopping with her. So I want my opinion because I will be with them when they get the dresses. 
  • edited December 6
    I also think both families want opinions because we are having multiple weddings within a short period of time. My brother's wedding is in April, mine is in July, and my fiance's brother is in August. 
    No one is going to care what your mothers wear, or really remember if they wear the same dress to multiple weddings. They don't have to match.  You can't get annoyed that they keep asking you if you keep offering opinions. Everytime they ask just say "Please wear whatever you like and you feel great in. Flowers are going to be x,y and z colours". Keep repeating it. 
    My mother, grandmother, and MIL have already said they want to wear different dresses for each wedding. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    With what you said about your grandmother and the long/short dress thing, I think this is the point to tell everyone together:

    "No one can make a decision because you're all trying to base what you do on what everyone else does and some opinions that you think I have but actually don't. Everyone find your own clothes. Wear the same dress as at the other weddings or don't wear the same dress as at the other weddings. But what would actually make me happiest is not to have to micromanage what you all are wearing."

    Anniversary

  • I have tried what everyone is suggesting, but they don't want to listen especially my grandmother. Apparently they think I want to micromanage them or that I have time to. At this point, I am going shopping with my grandmother at some point and shopping with my mom and MIL after the holidays. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have tried what everyone is suggesting, but they don't want to listen especially my grandmother. Apparently they think I want to micromanage them or that I have time to. At this point, I am going shopping with my grandmother at some point and shopping with my mom and MIL after the holidays. 
    Then why are you even here asking for advice? Go shopping with all of them. 

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 6
    I have tried what everyone is suggesting, but they don't want to listen especially my grandmother. Apparently they think I want to micromanage them or that I have time to. At this point, I am going shopping with my grandmother at some point and shopping with my mom and MIL after the holidays. 
    This is entirely your making. No one can force you to do something. “Sorry granny, I’m just to busy to go shopping, but you have a wonderful style and anything you pick will be great”. “Mum, you sound anxious about this. I just want you to be comfortable and feel great. I really don’t mind what you wear. If I’m honest, I’ve got a lot on my plate so why don’t you pick a couple options and I can help you pick a final one.”

    You can’t complain about them wanting support when you are micromanaging them! Nip that in the bud.

    Between picking out your fathers cuff links (!) to making sure your fiancé has a unique tuxedo (oxymoron alert), you certainly do seem like you either a.) secretly love control or b.) can’t say no. But you have to either own it or change it. Because you can’t  keep complaining and not doing anything about it.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 6
    I have tried what everyone is suggesting, but they don't want to listen especially my grandmother. Apparently they think I want to micromanage them or that I have time to. At this point, I am going shopping with my grandmother at some point and shopping with my mom and MIL after the holidays. 
    That's fine. That's option 1, and a valid choice. I hope you guys have fun shopping, but if they are continually deferring to you and each other I think option 2 will be simpler and less of a headache.

    Option 2 is just to be serious about it. "Grandma/Mom/MIL, no. If you want to be in the wedding colors, pick your favorite. I DON'T CARE. I'm not going to tell you what color to wear. Don't ask again because I won't answer. Find what looks awesome on you. I'll be happy that day regardless because I'm getting married, and you'll look great in whatever because you'll be happy too."

    I hope I can take your words at face value, because what this sounds like is: You DO want to micromanage their attire, but you're not confident of your taste in dictating each person's color yourself, so you want us to give you a "curated" palette with a color for each person.

    Anniversary

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I have tried what everyone is suggesting, but they don't want to listen especially my grandmother. Apparently they think I want to micromanage them or that I have time to. At this point, I am going shopping with my grandmother at some point and shopping with my mom and MIL after the holidays. 
    That's fine. That's option 1, and a valid choice. I hope you guys have fun shopping, but if they are continually deferring to you and each other I think option 2 will be simpler and less of a headache.

    Option 2 is just to be serious about it. "Grandma/Mom/MIL, no. If you want to be in the wedding colors, pick your favorite. I DON'T CARE. I'm not going to tell you what color to wear. Don't ask again because I won't answer. Find what looks awesome on you. I'll be happy that day regardless because I'm getting married, and you'll look great in whatever because you'll be happy too."

    I hope I can take your words at face value, because what this sounds like is that you do want to micromanage their attire but you're not confident of your taste in dictating each person's color yourself, so you want us to give you a curated palette with a color for each person.
    Thank you for saying what I was thinking. And putting it into words so much better than I would have.

    Especially since on the other post she was like, "I really want color suggestions" and the ridiculousness with her poor sister, and worrying about her father's freaking cuff links, I find it really hard to believe that OP truly doesn't care what these women wear. And the fact that they're so insistent that OP shop with them also tells me that they're worried OP won't like what they pick out. And therefore her perfect day won't be perfect. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • There is no reason to personally attack me. My family just asked for my opinion and yes I've told them multiple times it doesn't matter, but they still want to go shopping with them and give them suggestions. 
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I gotta say that I find it odd that every single member of both your families needs help dressing themselves. 

    "Please, wear whatever you want and feel great in! Our colors are X, Y & Z so you can pick one of those, coordinate or not! I just want you to love it!".
    I mean, people in some circles are pretty conditioned to being dictated to. My BMs wanted the direction of a color, and it took a while to make them understand, "No, seriously, whatever you want, just because someone dictated your shoes in other weddings does not mean I care about that." Once they did realize I was serious, though, they were happy to figure their own attire out.

    OP, people know pretty quickly if this is a "Choose whatever you want, oh, except that I hate that, and I'd really prefer this" situation, in which case it's just easiest to have the dictation (even if they should by rights be able to choose for themselves), or if you truly want them to wear whatever they like. Consider where you (and/or your FI)'s attitudes fall.
    My mother is one of my best friends so she is so used to asking my opinion on things and she wants my day to be perfect. 
    If she's one of your best friends and your mother, she probably knows you pretty well. And there's probably a reason that she won't just go out and buy whatever she wants. 

    My mom was also one of my best friends and she bought her dress for my wedding without any input from me. She mentioned she found a dress when she was shopping for something else and then showed it to me. Not for my approval, but just to show me. Because she knew that I actually didn't care what she wore. 

    If your "perfect" day depends on the attire of your families and lack of visible tattoos, you've got backwards-ass priorities. 
    +1

    If they want to "match" the wedding colors or coordinate in some way, they can do that with no input from you. So yea, I agree and think they know you will have input, OP. 

    I never said anything about attire to my mother, my MiL or the grandmothers, but they still all wore our wedding colors. They certainly didn't have to, I think they must have thought that that's "how it's done"?, but they did it on their own. 

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