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Wedding Woes

Wut?

Dear Prudence,
My ex-husband and I reconciled and were living together with our two children for the past seven years. I recently found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker. He’d already admitted he slept with her but said he wanted to work on our relationship. I learned he was still seeing her, and he basically defended it when I confronted him and told me he wasn’t talking about it anymore. I couldn’t take it and left the house we’d just purchased together. We all ended up in court (stay-away orders). When the judge asked the co-worker if she was in a relationship with my husband, she said yes. When my husband was asked, he hesitated but answered yes. I was crushed because he kept insisting this young lady was just a friend. It’s been almost two months since I left. I miss him terribly and want to reconcile, at least as friends. He’s not speaking to me, although I’ve extended an olive branch and let him know that I miss him. I think about him every day and don’t know how I’m ever going to get over him. Does he still love me? He always said no one could take my place. How could he let this happen?
—I Can’t Recover

Re: Wut?

  • How could he let it happen?? 

    Girl, it's time to move on.   He let it happen because he assumed, rightfully so, that you'd take him back. 

    You need to either get counseling (financial AND psychological) and move on.   He's manipulating you into giving him what he wants and you don't get anything mutual in return unless he taps into one of your love languages.  

    He's an asshole.   
    short+sassy
  • This is all very confusing to me and something isn't passing the sniff test.

    Nevertheless, DTMF already.  Get thee into some counseling or whatever it will take to help you move on and be a good parent and co-parent to your children.
    charlotte989875
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Does he still love me?"  Uhhhhh.   This might be one of the strangest questions ever posed to Prudie (at least that they have published). 

    eileenrobcharlotte989875
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    YIKES. Don't even know what else to say. 

    charlotte989875
  • LW needs counseling.  Her self worth and esteem has taken a hit (or maybe it was always low?) but she wants to be friends?  Or be a couple again?  Feel bad for her and the kids.
    ShesSoCold
  • Get out.  He clearly has no intention of being faithful to you. 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Oh geese. Counseling for you, LW. 

    Just the way the letter is worded is upsetting to me. "How could he let this happen" is so passive and lets him off the hook. Like this guy slept with this woman on accident or that he was somehow seduced by her. Not how could he DO THIS which places blame on him. 

    She needs to leave him, for good, and find her worth. She's been involved with this ass for too long and he's worn her down. She needs to work on herself and eventually she'll find someone who values her.

    I've seen women finally leave their long-time mentally abusive/gaslighting men and when they find a good man, the way you can actually physically see the improvement is incredible. Like a whole new person, with confidence. It's awesome.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875short+sassyOurWildKingdomeileenrob
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    The first few sentences made me think that they reconciled AS friends to live together in harmony with the kids... and as I read on, I didn’t have anything to tell me otherwise.  Did she think they reconciled as lovers and he thought what I did?  It was just to be civil with the kids?  I’m legit confused by it all. 

    charlotte989875
  • OMG start respecting yourself and move on!!!!!!!!!
    image
    STARMOON44
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    The first few sentences made me think that they reconciled AS friends to live together in harmony with the kids... and as I read on, I didn’t have anything to tell me otherwise.  Did she think they reconciled as lovers and he thought what I did?  It was just to be civil with the kids?  I’m legit confused by it all. 
    That’s what I thought too. MIL divorced FIL when DW was in high school but never made him move out. Long story I won’t go into; they did end up remarrying years later.

    LW needs counseling ASAP. 
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