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Moms and Maids

Bridesmaids

what do you call bridesmaids who literally do nothing? I have only one bridesmaid that seems to care. However….Did I have a bridal shower-nope. Did anyone go dress shopping with me- nope. Have any of them done any dyi stuff with me- Nope. Has anyone asked how I am doing 9 days before the wedding- nope. Anyone ask what I needed-nope.  When I put the wedding timeline in the group chat, I asked them to confirm they saw it and if they had any questions- 4 still haven't even confirmed they saw it. Oh btw I have 8 bridesmaids. When I asked in the group chat if someone could get the food for the bridesmaids for the day of wedding-no one offered. When I asked if someone could be in charge of a mimosa bar-no one offered. Then I found out some of them don’t read the group chat! When I asked if people wanted to go with me to get our nails done- no one replied. Two are even missing our "pool party rehearsal dinner" because they are servers and make a good amount of money on Fridays. I worked at the same restaurant with them a year ago, I know people are always willing to trade shifts. No money would be lost. Originally my future husband and I wanted to say one favorite thing about each person of the wedding party at the wedding reception instead of family speeches. I can't stand up there and say anything when I am so hurt by all of them. I really just wanted to vent. On the plus side, I couldn’t done this without my fiancé. I think planning this wedding has made us closer. I’m just ready for it to be here.


Re: Bridesmaids

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So you're applauding your FI for helping plan his own wedding, but faulting your friends for not? WTF? You are marrying your FI, not the bridesmaids. He is the one is supposed to be planning with you, not them.

    Bridesmaids have literally no responsibilities other than to show up for the ceremony in agreed upon attire and smile for photos. Asking them to do a mimosa bar or snacks or whatever was really inappropriate of you. Expecting them to participate in a group chat leading up to the wedding is also ridiculous. I can see why they're avoiding you. You're not entitled to a shower. If someone had offered, it's nice, but plenty of people get married without them. 

    It is disappointing that they can't make your rehearsal, but work trumps parties every day of the week. You're out of line to expect them to change shifts or take a day off for a party. If they say they have to work, they have to work and you shut your mouth.  Your wedding doesn't give you any right to stick your nose in other people's finances. These people have done absolutely nothing wrong. You have no reason to be upset or complain. 
    short+sassy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Your BMs have done nothing wrong. The only people responsible for planning and paying for their wedding are you and FI. If no one offered to throw you a shower, that’s a bummer, but you’re still going to be married with or without one. Your wedding does not take precedence over work or school. It is one day. The only thing the WP has to do is show up on time, sober, and in the right attire to the wedding. Your FI doesn’t get a gold star here. It’s his wedding too. Of course he should be planning it with you. Your attitude here is very entitled and off-putting. Take off the wedding blinders, go have a margarita, and relax. 


    image
    ShesSoCold
  • EWW by the tone of some of your answers I feel like the forum is only to be rude as hell.  I reach out to every single one of my bridesmaids weekly. I never bring up the wedding. I never wanted to be that bride. Who said they are avoiding me. I didn't ask them to do any projects. I was just stating that they haven't helped with them meaning I didn't ask. Its like WTF if the point of this forum? I can't even vent? wow oh wow.

    Food for the day of is asking too much? Because I want to feed them to make sure they get to eat? Please tell me how you woke up your wedding day and went shopping? Or even the day before? More props if you did. I hope you made some fresh squeezed OJ and some French press coffee.

     Support from my fiancé not giving him a gold star for planning it. Unlike this thread, he listens and can be critical without trying to be rude. But thanks ladies. Getting all my rudeness out here helped. I am more grateful for my bridesmaid because none of them are as horrible as y'all perfect brides who do everything right.  

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    EWW by the tone of some of your answers I feel like the forum is only to be rude as hell.  I reach out to every single one of my bridesmaids weekly. I never bring up the wedding. I never wanted to be that bride. Who said they are avoiding me. I didn't ask them to do any projects. I was just stating that they haven't helped with them meaning I didn't ask. Its like WTF if the point of this forum? I can't even vent? wow oh wow.

    Food for the day of is asking too much? Because I want to feed them to make sure they get to eat? Please tell me how you woke up your wedding day and went shopping? Or even the day before? More props if you did. I hope you made some fresh squeezed OJ and some French press coffee.

     Support from my fiancé not giving him a gold star for planning it. Unlike this thread, he listens and can be critical without trying to be rude. But thanks ladies. Getting all my rudeness out here helped. I am more grateful for my bridesmaid because none of them are as horrible as y'all perfect brides who do everything right.  

    Yes, asking them to provide the food is too much. Seriously, getting a sandwich platter from the supermarket is beyond you? Or ordering some cheap delivery? Throwing some Prosecco in the car and picking up orange juice is just too much to handle? And you can’t sit there and say you expected nothing of your BMs. Clearly you are pissed at them. Wrongly. Your wedding is a party on one day. Relax. Some simple planning ahead and adjusting your expectations would go a long way. 


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    MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • OP, I think you have some misconceptions about what a wedding really is. There are no requirements for any festivities surrounding a wedding. The only thing that really needs to happen is the ceremony, and a reception for those who come to the ceremony. If you look at it this way, you will see that your expectations of your bridesmaids are out of line.
  • I didn’t squeeze fresh OJ but I did have a tray of salad and a platter of paninis and wraps delivered to my parents’ house from a nearby Italian restaurant  and I did buy champagne, seltzer, and a veggie platter a couple days prior and brought them with me.  I agree with you that I would’ve been too busy to go out and get food day of but that doesn’t mean your friends have to.
    charlotte989875ShesSoColdshort+sassy
  • Do you want bridesmaids or servants, because I really can’t tell. 

    Look good for you for venting here and not at your friends, but I think your focus is way off. Shopping for food you’re providing, DIY projects for your wedding, and a mimosa bar you want are I fact your responsibility, not your friends. 

    Also, if you used to work at this restaurant sounds like you know how important Friday night tips are, so why schedule an event then?
    ShesSoColdeileenrobInLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Since you asked, the day before my wedding, I got my nails done, an abbreviated hair trial, made some dips, hosted an open house for my mom for like 300 people and then had an after party at my dad’s. Oh and wrote the ceremony. 

    Day of, I practiced the ceremony, packed my bag and got all my shit together and picked up prescriptions and FOOD before all the usual wedding getting ready stuff. 

    Good point too Charlotte about about Friday nights. That’s a huge night for servers and I can’t believe you don’t get that. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    levioosacharlotte989875eileenrob
  • Regardless of what you may have seen on TV or heard from other people, it's up to you and your FI to plan your wedding, not your bridal party. If people offer to help, that's fine, but none of them are obligated to help you with DIY projects or any other wedding preparations. Also, a bridal shower is a gift, not an obligation. You are not automatically entitled to one. 

    These people are your friends. Stop acting like they're servants who kept blowing off work.
    image
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    EWW by the tone of some of your answers I feel like the forum is only to be rude as hell.  No, the point of this forum is to get real advice from real people. If you are out of line, we will tell you about it, not blow smoke up your ass. I reach out to every single one of my bridesmaids weekly. I never bring up the wedding. I never wanted to be that bride. Who said they are avoiding me. You did. You complain that they aren't reading your group chat. I didn't ask them to do any projects. Contradicting yourself. I was just stating that they haven't helped with them meaning I didn't ask. Its like WTF if the point of this forum? To get real advice. I can't even vent? If you want to vent, go ahead. You are saying that your BMs have done something wrong and that you shouldn't honor them. That is simply not true. wow oh wow.

    Food for the day of is asking too much? Yes. Because I want to feed them to make sure they get to eat? It sounds like you want them to feed them. Please tell me how you woke up your wedding day and went shopping? No, I bought food the day before and set it out. Delivery is also an option. Or even the day before? Day before was fine. More props if you did. I hope you made some fresh squeezed OJ and some French press coffee. Nope, bought the OJ and brewed coffee. If I don't have time to make gourmet stuff, it doesn't mean I should expect my friends to do it. 

     Support from my fiancé not giving him a gold star for planning it.  Contradicting yourself again. Unlike this thread, he listens and can be critical without trying to be rude. No one is trying to be rude. You need a reality check. But thanks ladies. Getting all my rudeness out here helped. I am more grateful for my bridesmaid because none of them are as horrible as y'all perfect brides who do everything right.  

    Clearly, you are really defensive because you know you're wrong. It's a shame that honest responses are so rare that you confuse them with rudeness. I hope you have the maturity to actually listen to what people have said, but I know it's much easier to just throw insults and blame everyone else. Good luck with your life. 
    charlotte989875eileenrobthisismynickname2InLoveInQueens
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 11

    what do you call bridesmaids who literally do nothing? I have only one bridesmaid that seems to care. However….Did I have a bridal shower-nope. Did anyone go dress shopping with me- nope. Have any of them done any dyi stuff with me- Nope. Has anyone asked how I am doing 9 days before the wedding- nope. Anyone ask what I needed-nope.  When I put the wedding timeline in the group chat, I asked them to confirm they saw it and if they had any questions- 4 still haven't even confirmed they saw it. Oh btw I have 8 bridesmaids. When I asked in the group chat if someone could get the food for the bridesmaids for the day of wedding-no one offered. When I asked if someone could be in charge of a mimosa bar-no one offered. Then I found out some of them don’t read the group chat! When I asked if people wanted to go with me to get our nails done- no one replied. Two are even missing our "pool party rehearsal dinner" because they are servers and make a good amount of money on Fridays. I worked at the same restaurant with them a year ago, I know people are always willing to trade shifts. No money would be lost. Originally my future husband and I wanted to say one favorite thing about each person of the wedding party at the wedding reception instead of family speeches. I can't stand up there and say anything when I am so hurt by all of them. I really just wanted to vent. On the plus side, I couldn’t done this without my fiancé. I think planning this wedding has made us closer. I’m just ready for it to be here.


    I really agree with @MyNameIsNot 's reply above. 

    How ARE you doing 9 days before the wedding? You sound stressed. Have a margarita. 

    But look... it's your and your fiance's responsibility to plan your own wedding. No one else's. In my experience, DIY shit sucks. I would never offer to help my best friend with crafty crap because it's not my thing and things would turn out poorly with me working on them, haha. Group chats suck, especially if texts are flying around while I'm working. You should be in charge of your own day-of food and beverages. I bought supplies the day before and carted them to our getting-ready spot- no big deal. What's a mimosa bar except for a few bottles of sparkling out on a counter with some OJ or various juices? And showers? In my experience those are usually handled by female relatives, even though I have helped contribute in the past. Showers are a bonus, not a requirement though. Missing rehearsals is no big deal because everyone knows how to walk an aisle and stand respectfully for awhile. I also would decline an invitation to get my nails done because I just don't get manicures. None of what I've said is a reflection on how I feel about friends- it's just trappings of a party that are unnecessary.

    I've been a bridesmaid/MOH six times and been dozens of weddings. Please curb your expectations; life goes on. Have that drink and snuggle with your fiance. 

    Edited because words disappeared...?
    ________________________________


  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    I mean- I called a local Panera, and set up a delivery of food, coffee, and drinks for my wedding day.  Paid for it in advance, including tip for the driver, and didn't have to think about it again.  Ran to a local store a few days prior and picked up some champagne and OJ- brought them with me when I went to the bridal suite- bam, mimosa bar.  At no point did I need someone to do it for me?

    OP, I think if you re-frame your thoughts- and start thinking of your bridesmaids as those women you loved so much that they needed to stand next to you on your most important day, you'll start to think differently.  It's a way for YOU to honor THEM, not the other way around.  You got this, OP.
    short+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FIRE ALL OF THEM! They clearly are terrible friends! 

    But no really, you're 100% in the wrong. 

    I provided food and drinks the day of the wedding while we were getting ready. I had that way planned in advance, and it was delivered to our hotel room. 

    justsie
  • Hon, if you want to feed your bridesmaids (and IMO you should) then you need to make the arrangements yourself. I brought juice, soda, and pastries to the salon for my bridesmaids for our hair appointment (which they also did not pay for, btw). My mom was my biggest help, mainly because it was what she wanted to do. We also sent food over to the guys when we got to the church. My MOH was the only wedding party member that went dress shopping with me because the rest lived hours (and in some cases, states) away. There was no group chat in the first place because most of them didn't know each other and were not expected to interact beyond the bachelorette party my mom threw, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding itself.
    image
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875short+sassy
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