Officiant

brittanycurtisjohnson

Hey ladies,

I have a god mother who is able to marry people.
Now while we have never been close due to location issues, she is a wonderful woman.
We play fantasy football the past three years and I talk to her on FB every once in a while. So it's not like we "know her, know her". If that makes since. She is my mothers friend really.  
She has offered to marry us.  
I love the idea of her marrying us (Plus it's free!), my FI doesn't.
He has this idea of ... dare I say it... a MAN marrying us and only a man.  No woman.
Even more so it CANNOT be someone we know, he said it would be awkward, like knowing thier personal life and saying "Oh look so and so did such and such and they married us."


Is it just me or is this wierd?
Should I agree with him and let him have this?
Or can I sway him to let a woman - relative marry us?

mmmendi

I'm not sure I understand part of this - let me clarify what I think I am reading. He wants a complete stranger to perform the ceremony? If a "man" pastor officiated, would he agree to mandatory pre-counsel (if said man required), cuz after a few of those, you aren't really strangers...What does FI envision?

mabapunta

 FI thought it would be pretty weird to have a woman marry us too, but after meeting with her I think he's onboard. Neither one of us know her, but this is what she does. Maybe he'd be open to it if you could more so pinpoint what you want your ceremony to be like and then that'll help you two decide who is best?

brittanycurtisjohnson

I see it as her doing the ceremony would be nice intimate and more comfertable for me.

He said when he pictures getting married that it's more traditional for a man to do it that he says he sees a man with a raspy voice (I about died laughing at that) saying the wedding crap in a black pastor suit thing. His words, not mine LOL.
He's not even religous, we arent' getting married in a church we don't go to church so I'm a bit confused by this.

Its not too big of an issue really, but I would really prefer that she did it. I know if I bug him enough he'll cave, but that doesn't seem too fair.

[Deleted User]

Pfffffft, If my FI thought only a man could marry us, I wouldn't marry HIM.

brittanycurtisjohnson

Mendi - yeah that's what he means, and we are going to do some kind of counseling thing that makes the price cheaper to get married, called two together in texas.
But after the wedding this guy is gone for good, and while we are doing counseling,  we aren't learning anything or involved in his life.

I'm just scratching my head here, I want him to have a part in the wedding planning, but this is just such a wierd request to me. Everything else he's just like whatever you want...

Plus I'm not sure how to turn down the offer from my Godmother.

brittanycurtisjohnson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_officiant-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:6091b310-29db-428a-bcd7-43e76ee8c606Post:a462db0b-46ae-4254-83c6-44c8f36c3e60">Re: Officiant</a>:
[QUOTE] FI thought it would be pretty weird to have a woman marry us too, but after meeting with her I think he's onboard. Neither one of us know her, but this is what she does. Maybe he'd be open to it if you could more so <u><strong>pinpoint what you want your ceremony to be like</strong></u> and then that'll help you two decide who is best?
Posted by mabapunta[/QUOTE]

It's going to be pretty formal, mostly family, trying to do a classic feel. I want to be able to open the book in 20 years and remember and not regret anything.

I said "I don't want to be like, oh some random guy married us, got him out the yellow pages..." He said "I dont' want for her to do something we don't like and then we are like hey she married us..."

That's how we both invisioned it...

mmmendi

It may be more important to decide what you really want in this case. This is a rather special offer, and I think a very meaningful one (and trust me - I am from THE most conservative family ever!). Maybe you need to know for sure how you feel before further discussion (or no) with FI. In the event you decline her offer, I think you can be truthful in sharing how much you appreciated the offer and are more comfortable working with with just one Officiant

calliopeia2013

First of all, I agree with the PP who said that a FI caring whether or not a man or a woman performs the ceremony would be a deal-breaker for me on ever marrying them, so I'm biased enough that my opinion on that point probably isn't valuable.

Second of all, I agree it's really weird that he'd rather have a stranger marry you, because honestly that's really non-traditional.  Historically/traditionally, couples would almost always be married by their localpriest/pastor/minister/whatever, with whom they'd grown up.  What would be weird would be finding a complete stranger to do the ceremony.

ladyomnipotent

I'm actually considering asking my Godfather to marry us.  He would fill out an application to be a "JP for a day".  He's the type who could really perform this duty well, and would probably enjoy it.  The idea occurred to me because the JPs I've looked at are rather expensive, and I thought it would be more meaningful to have someone important to me perform the ceremony.

Has anyone done this?

mabapunta

You explain neither one of you are very religious, does that mean you don't want any religious part on the ceremony? That might help you decide who you go with. Does your FI have any certain person in mind, or anyone close to him?

Our officiant is a complete stranger, but we both met her and loved her! We are not religious, are not having a religious ceremony in any way, and she is totally cool with that. She is letting us see the final script before the wedding, so we pretty much have absolute control over what she's saying. My best friend has another officiant that will NOT let them see what she's saying, for fear of copyright issues. So that's something to keep in mind that may vary. So if either of you are concerned about what the officiant will say, or in what tone, definitely feel free to ask them. Even if it's your godmother, ultimately you want the officiant to match the overall tone of your wedding.

That said, since you mention it's a pretty intimate wedding - is any of your family really religious or traditional? Do they have certain expectations of the wedding? Are they financially contributing to it?

Definitely sounds like you and your FI need to have a good chat before you can decide either way. Good luck!!

brittanycurtisjohnson

We aren't relious as in we don't go to church so we aren't looking for a preacher or doing this in a church.

And he is not in ANY WAY againts a woman marrying people. It's just not what he would he prefer for OUR wedding, he just invisions this part as a man doing it. I respect that he sees this a different way then I do, I just want to have something different than him on this. Not something I'm going to toss a 7 year relationship away on...

We are going to discuss it. I really don't want to turn down the offer, but if i is what he is dead set on this I'll have to do that.
How would I tell my godmorhter in case that is what happens?

I'm sure he's gonna cave and I'd rather not push him. IDK I'm just torn.

& no, family has no say, they are not helping at all with money we are gooting it all on our own.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_officiant-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:6091b310-29db-428a-bcd7-43e76ee8c606Post:9b4ece41-602f-4302-a246-846230eb8435">Re: Officiant</a>:
[QUOTE]Pfffffft, If my FI thought only a man could marry us, I wouldn't marry HIM.
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Amen!  I did not believe what I read, so passed the laptop over to H.  His reaction was the same as mine ... Wow. Unbelievable.

Maybe (hopefully?) this is MUD.