Memorial at Ceremony...Opinions please

michelejosephine

Ok I have a 2 part question. #1. My fiance and I have decided to do memorial candle lightings for our grandparents that have passed away and won't be here for our wedding. The issue is my paternal grandmother died when my dad was 6 aka I never knew her. Is it stupid to include a candle for her? All the other grandparents have been alive when we were born (some not that long, though, but I feel at least they knew us). #2. When we do the lightings should we just have a candle there or is it weird to include a framed picture (4x6) of them as well? We're definitely gonna display the candles/frames at the reception, but is this too much for the ceremony? Thanks Knotties!

Simply Fated

1) No it's not stupid. 2) I'd leave the pictures out of the ceremony. You want people to shed happy tears at your wedding, not sad tears. The pictures might be too much for some people.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_memorial-ceremonyopinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:70a43ad4-e156-4a10-8282-2e57ec6322abPost:19428153-8819-4917-bffc-511dc807fd1b">Re: Memorial at Ceremony...Opinions please</a>:
[QUOTE]I dislike obvious memorials at weddings.  It might upset some guests.  There are private ways to remember loved ones at your wedding.  Carry a memento in your bouquet.  Choose a special flower.  Light one candel in memory over all loved ones in both your families, without specifically naming the deceased.  I had my Grandmother put a flower from my bouquet privately on my Dad's grave after the wedding.  Nobody else knew about it. Please don't make your wedding a sad occasion for your guests.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>This question gets asked often, and I think CGMr and I agree in every instance.   Weddings are not memorials, just like memorials aren't weddings.  I think it's nice to remember people who you have lost, but think that it's best done in private ways (or at least ways that are subltle).   Pictures seem too overt to me -- they are likely to floor any unsuspecting family members with unexpected grief on an otherwise happy occasion, especially if the loss is recent (though people can still be affected by a loved-one's death years later).     </div><div>
</div><div>Just my two cents.....</div>

TiffannieF

I wouldn't' include a "memorial" for anybody who were not close to or did not know, so I wouldn't do it for your father's mother. 

My mother passed away in 2009, 2 years before the wedding.  I had a candle with a picture at the alter that we also brought with us to the reception.

If you are having programs you can put "A memorial candle stays lit in honor of: (then list the names)" instead of doing the pictures. 

Creyo

i think if you want to include it then do it. I'm having my sister walk a white rose down the aisle when my other grandparents come in. She just died about a year ago next month. She was the matriarch of our family and held us all together. At least in my family I know no one will be upset bc we still pray for her and my uncle who passed (and he passed about 5 years ago). If you want to do it then do it. 

squarepeg72

Please check with you family before you decide to do this ... Different people will react differently to the memorial and happy memories are what you want for everyone on this day. We decided not to do anything during the ceremony but we will have wedding pictures of our grandparents at the reception. There is a piano in the reception area of our venue. I am wearing my dad's college ring (just like I have done every day since he passed). We will be placing our grandparents and great-grandparents wedding (early marriage) pictures on the top of the piano along with a picture of my dad with his parents (when he was about 1) . The sheet music to "When I get Where I am Going" will be on the piano like someone is getting ready to play the piece. One of the last lines in the program is "We fondly remember thse who are with us in spirit today"
You need to fit the way you honor and remember your family members to your family.

amanda1611t

Honestly I agree with some PP's. Have the candles, for anyone you want. If you don't want to step on anyone's toes I would jsut include your paternal gmom.

Ditch the photos because it is a wedding ceremony and you don't want people emotional for the wrong reasons

michelejosephine

I think after hearing all the responses we will just light the candles at the ceremony, because we do want to do something to remember our grandparents who were special and important to us. We will definitely give the immediate and extended families that it could affect a heads up. I think we'll save the photos for the reception and display them on a little table (not in a prominent spot where it will cause problems). Yes, some people may be sad to see them, but we love our grandparents very much and it's important to us to honor them in some way. My fiance's brother and sister-in-law laid roses at Mary's feet (Catholic ceremony) as the names of the grandparents were read to remember them. As far as my dad's mom even though I never met her I am named after her and it's important to me. Other than lighting the memorial candles for a few seconds the rest of the ceremony will not be somber.