GUILT TRIP NUMBER ONE (VENT VENT VENT)

526SadieSadie

So with 227 days till my wedding, I just got guilt trip number one from my cousin.  We'll call her "Princess".  Princess has a two year old (a freaking terror) and she's pregnant with her second.  She asked me if we're having kids at the wedding and I said no.  Now she's laying it on about how children become your only priority and I'll learn that someday.  She only hopes that her inlaws can watch her kids the day of the wedding and "oh i just don't know what I'll do if they can't" waa waa waa  I feel like reminding Princess that she didn't have kids at her wedding either and that she had 226 days to figure it out. 
Am I being unreasonable?  I know I sound like a bitch, but finding a babysitter isn't something in my job title.

MCarmine

I'm pretty sure that 226 days is PLENTY of time to find a babysitter and it's HER responsibility....not yours. I've seen so many friends of mine have the same battle with people. Only a few people have asked about kids being invited to my wedding and I say no because the venue doesn't recommend having children under 16 (which is the truth). Good luck with the Princess!

devcipps

You are NOT being unreasonable. I'm not really allowing brats at my wedding either. I may set up some kind of babysitter at the beach house we are renting since many of the guests are coming from out of state but i'm not making any promises just yet.

I totally understand how you feel. I have a cousin who has these awful twins. They have been a huge distraction for me at every family event they have been invited to. I will never get over the image of them running around screaming and banging on stuff at my grandfather's funeral. It was not cute. Unfortunately there are some well behaved children on my side of the family but you can't pick and choose it is an all or nothing kind of deal.

SummerBoston10

Nope.  She should get a babysitter. 

What is it with people and not being able to let their children be watched by babysitters.  When I was little my parents went out on weekend evenings all the time.  They had tons of high school girls willing and capable of watching us and my brother and I loved a Saturday night home with a babysitter...it was fun!  Parents should be able to have fun without their children every once in awhile!

526SadieSadie

I was really scared to read the replies!!!  I'm so glad that you all agree with me. I really wanted my 8 year old nephew to be the ring bearer, but we nixed it because then we'd be obligated to invite all of the other kids on each side.  It's really frustrating.  I just told my fiance about the situation and her sent me a curse-ridden reply about Princess.  He feels really hurt that whenever we get together she and her husband basically ignore him, like, they don't even say Hi or Bye most of the time.  He mentioned it once before and I noticed it was true the last time we were all together.  Princess's husband is a real piece of work that I can't stand.  Since he doesn't like me either, I wouldn't be surprised if he took the opportunity to stay home with the kids while my cousin came by herself, actually I'm sort of counting on it now. 
So now I'll pose a new question: should I find a way to ask my cousin why she ignores my future husband or just be glad we only see each other a few times a year?

jkara525

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.  In fact you are 100% right.  Your wedding, you get to choose who is invited.  I too have had similar flack from people about not having kids...I think it's such bad etiquette for people to 1) ask, and 2) guilt you about it.  While it's understandable that your cousins kids are the center of HER life, they are not the center of yours...your wedding is about you and your FH...not about her getting her way.  As you can probably tell, this is a major hot button with me.  LOL.

Also, I don't think you should ask her why her husband ignores you guys...are you really missing out by not having to have conversations with him?  Probably not. 

Hope this helps! 

massetobe

ditto. my fiance and i want an adult reception and do not want to worry about kids running around. you are providing people with notice and they can make appropriate arrangements if they want to be there.

all i would say to princess is that unfortunately you cannot make any exceptions because if you to for her then you have to for others. stick to your guns. worst case scenario she complains or doesn't go. everyone will have an opinion and at the end of the day you should be the one glowing and enjoying yourself!

good luck!

MNVegas

Well if she can't find a babysitter, then I guess she will just have to stay home. Ahhh, poor princess!

Good for you for standing your ground. I can't stand people that just have to bring their "little darlings" with them to every event.

Don't be guilty, but don't start anything by confronting her about FH. Actually she is doing him a favor by the sounds of it.

526SadieSadie

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the input.  What really upsets me is that Princess's son, "Doofus" is the embodiment of the reason you don't have children at a wedding.  He screams at the top of his lungs when he wants something, or doesn't want something (in lieu of saying yes or no) he's a terror.  Honestly, if he were better behaved, I don't think I'd have a problem with kids being there.  I had my heart set on having my 8 year old nephew (who ALWAYS said please and thank you and was very well behaved, even when he was Doofus's age) as our ring bearer, but I had to let that go.  Besides the extra expense for my sister to rent a tux for him, I didn't want to make it seem like I was playing favorites, which, let's face it, is exactly what I'd be doing.  Princess was always a Princess, even when we were kids but since she married this JERK she's become a whole new person.  She's become a complete jerk, too.  I miss the funny, sweet, cool chick I looked up to when I was little.

[Deleted User]

ugh tell her to shove it... lol no kidding, but seriously it's your day and if her kids are anything like how she sounds they will def be center of attention and it's YOUR day not hers.  i'm sure she can find a sitter.

just be stern and let her know, NO KIDS.  if they are there i'm going to have to ask you to leave.  

good luck!

caralinda1985

I'm having an adult only reception.  I've having my fiance's niece as the flower girl and my 1st cousin's son as the ring bearer.  I'm also allowing the ring bearer's sister and my 6 yr old 1st cousin to attend because I love them to pieces and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Not to mention they are all well behaved.  If anyone has a problem with this when they show up that day I could care less.  I'm lucky if I see these other people once in a year!  That's just the way I feel. 

moshi's paw

we're also having an adult-only reception (not even RB and FG), and luckily we don't know that many little-uns to be so concerned over this "guilt trip".  we're  already getting thank yous from our parent friends who are looking forward to a nice night/weekend out.

brava for sticking to your guns.  in case there is any less dramatic confusion with your guest list and children invitees, an option is to explicitly write out the names of those in a household invited on the envelope as well as on the RSVP card.  good luck!