Confused on Non-denominational wedding?

pinkbunny8385

Here's a little back story: FI and I were brought up Catholic. This will be his second marriage (first was in the church). I said that having a church wedding isn't something I necessarily need (I don't believe he should have to pay for a divorce for the state and then an annulment.)

Here's my question: Since we both have been brought up Catholic we are used to seeing Catholic weddings. We decided to do a non-denominational wedding, we've never been to one or have seen one. So exactly what takes place during it? Are there still readings? Is it more like getting married in front of a JOP or more like in the Catholic Church?

tldh

I'd talk to non-denominational reverends.  The one we used let us write our own ceremony.  We did readings but no gospel reading, no peitions, no homily. 

Cony&Ben

Are you doing a non-denominational (but still religious) ceremony or a secular (non-religious) ceremony? Really you can make the ceremony be whatever you want it to be (and what your officiant is okay with). You can have poems, quotations, or book excerpts for your readings. You can do a unity candle (or sand) ceremony. The officiant could still deliver a short message without mentioning God.

Here are a couple of samples:
Non-Denominational Religious Ceremony
Non-Religious Civil Ceremony

NOLAbridealmost

Well the big portion that will be missing is the consecration of the Eucharist.  Most Protestant wedding's I've attended are like the first half of the Catholic Mass with a greeting, a prayer, a couple readings, a short message/sermon from the pastor. Then instead of the offering, the Liturgy of the Eucharist, etc. the wedding moves straight into the vows and exchange of rings and then the whole ceremony is over.

pinkbunny8385

Cony, thank you I didn't realize there was a difference or that you could make it religious.

toothpastechica

Non-denominational or non-religious, those are 2 very different things..non-denominational is usually used to refer to Christian churchs/services that are not affiliated to a specific denomination (they are not methodist, catholic etc), but are still Christian and perform Christian services (depending on the officiant themselves they may be open to making it non-religious as well, but usually they do want some elements of Christianity in the ceremony). Non-religious would be getting somoen like a jop to come and do your wedding (and can do lovely weddings...my cousin had a jop do her wedding in a park and they were allowed to add what they wanted, it was gorgeous). So if you are looking to incorporate Christian tradition a non-denominational service may be the way to go, if not it depends on the minister.

pinkbunny8385

@CMG what do you mean we would be banned from the sacraments? you mean communion? My parents weren't married in the Catholic Church and were still able to be practicing Catholics.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_confused-on-non-denominational-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:78532246-6ce5-428e-bd08-5032ab1514bfPost:145a0e5d-5699-4c68-91da-549bce80c96a">Re: Confused on Non-denominational wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]@CMG what do you mean we would be banned from the sacraments? you mean communion? My parents weren't married in the Catholic Church and were still able to be practicing Catholics.
Posted by pinkbunny8385[/QUOTE]

It's kind of an honor code deal.  Most priests have no idea who was and who wasn't married in the Church so if your parents took communion, it's not surprising.  However, they were not supposed to do so.

pinkbunny8385

This is what I don't understand, and I know i should go to the catholic board, but since I originally asked about the non-denominational ceremony here. Okay, I marry outside the church, I still can go to church recieve the sacrement of reconciliation *sp* but not holy communion? I could have my children (future) baptized, but still not recieve holy communion. I don't get it.

tldh

OP - make an appointment to talk to your parish priest.  He will be able to explain to you the consequences of not marrying in the church better than anyone here.

monkeysip

@ Pink bunny

Marrying outside of the Church is considered a mortal sin.  So, if you married outside the Church, you would not longer be able to receive the sacraments of reconciliation or communion.

You could go to confession, but unless you confessed your marriage outside of the Church and ammended it (received an annulment from your previous marriage and a convalidation for your new one), then you don't actually received absolution from your sin.  You are also not allowed to receive communion.

Baptism for your children is different.  Most priests will baptize your children, but they will want to know why you're no longer practicing.  They will insist that you at least bring your baptized child to mass so to let your child practice the faith.  And, of course, it could be an issue when your children start asking why you don't practice but want them to.

I'm not saying any of this to judge you, just giving you the facts.  You need to have the ceremony that reflects YOUR and FI's beliefs.  If it is not important for either of you to continue practicing Catholicism, then don't worry about marrying in the Church.

If it is important, then talk to a priest about an annulment and marriage in the Church.  He'll be able to speak more specifically to your situation.

ootmother2

Check with the Catholic Board and half the knotties should be on their knees 24/7 

pinkbunny8385

@monkey: thank you. that clears up a lot for me. FI and I did have a nice long conversation last night about this. And we did realize some things about everything.

I do thank everyone for their responses.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_confused-on-non-denominational-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:78532246-6ce5-428e-bd08-5032ab1514bfPost:f976d411-6513-47e4-ac57-0c62e133f3b8">Re: Confused on Non-denominational wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - make an appointment to talk to your parish priest.  He will be able to explain to you the consequences of not marrying in the church better than anyone here.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Agree. 100%.  People (well-intentioned, no doubt) are throwing around terms on these posts that should <u>not</u> be used.  Your parish priest (or any priest) would be happy to sit down and have a conversation with you.