BENEFITS PROBLEM

dcamma

I am disabled and have been with my partner for eight years. I was wondering if anyone else had come up with this situation or if there are any ideas for a solution....
We WANT to get married but if we do, by LAW I will lose my health benefits.
Should we have a ceremony and just not file the paperwork?
Get engaged and never married?

Basically, is there a way to get married without it being official? And is that wrong to decieve the people that we would have at our 'wedding' (or would it be more ethical to call it something else)???

ANYONE PLEASE post your thoughts on this. We are planning on doing SOMETHING  September 2013 but we don't even know where to start because of this ordeal.
Thanks in advance,
Danielle

Sue-n-Kevin

I don't know about this, but I'd recommend checking with an attorney in your state.

We should know this Thursday  how the US Supreme Ct has voted on the Affordable Healthcare Act, so you may have some answers sooner rather than later.

However, based on my experience, entering into a legal contract (marriage) and trying to hide that from other entities is probably not legal in most states. You would leave yourself open to all sorts of fraud statutes, not a good thing.

I was single for a very looooooooooooooooong time, got married for the first time last August, in my 50's. I've lived with people and had very long term relationships without the benefit of marriage.

My recommendation, after you talk to an attorney, would be to get engaged if you want some form of "formally announced commitment" to each other, and simply stay engaged until the health care world catches up to people like you in some fashion, or your individual state's rules change.

Good luck. I'm sorry  you are having to deal with this.

GoodLuckBear14

I would strongly recommend talking to an attorney before you make any decision about this.

ootmother2

If you're serously disabled, you should qualify for Medicare.  Are you getting Social Security disability payments?

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_benefits-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8b44f2ce-2b57-4166-a4a7-f85b195cd5d5Post:ff1382e2-7284-4f69-a712-e306e736873b">Re: BENEFITS PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]At least in NJ, but probably in most states, the officiant files the paperwork, not the couple. Talk to a lawyer before you end up on the wrong side of the law. <strong>Same-sex couples have committment ceremonies that are not legally binding in states that don't allow same-sex marriage, maybe you could do something similar so that you would be married in the eyes of your family and friends, if not the law.</strong>
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This is what I was thinking.  You could have a commitment ceremony which would be essentially the same as a wedding (white dress, ceremony with vows, reception, etc), only you wouldn't get a marriage license, so it would never be legal with the state.  However, like gay couples, you'll probably still have to talk to a lawyer to get living wills drafted that state power of attorney, hospital visitation rights, inheritence rights, etc that normally come with a marriage license.

Also, do NOT lie to your family about what you are actually doing.  Call it a commitment ceremony and make it clear that although you would consider yourselves married, that legally, you won't be.

Either way, I'd still consult a lawyer to make sure what you are doing is okay and won't impact your current health benefits/disability.  You don't want to find out the hard way that it's wrong, ya know.

dcamma

"At least in NJ, but probably in most states, the officiant files the paperwork, not the couple. Talk to a lawyer before you end up on the wrong side of the law. Same-sex couples have committment ceremonies that are not legally binding in states that don't allow same-sex marriage, maybe you could do something similar so that you would be married in the eyes of your family and friends, if not the law.
Posted by Liatris2010"

I CANT thank all of you enough for your timely response. I was thinking of doing something similar to a same-sex cerimony until/if the time comes when we can 'officially' get married legally in the state of CT while allowing me to keep my disability benefits. I wouldn't lie to my family, or his, but at the same time, I don't feel obligated to fully disclose to EVERYONE what the situation is.

What I had in mind was to possibly just have a simple ceremony that is not legally binding. Something for our families and friends to recognize us as very serious and in this together forever but without losing what I have worked (and paid so hard to get).

I just wish there were an easier way.
Thanks again,
Danielle

dcamma

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_benefits-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8b44f2ce-2b57-4166-a4a7-f85b195cd5d5Post:279d3bc0-5aed-486b-91a3-e206df2e7ccf">Re: BENEFITS PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're serously disabled, you should qualify for Medicare.  Are you getting Social Security disability payments?
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

I am on Medicare and do get Social Security disability benefits due to Multiple Sclerosis.

sbradke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_benefits-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8b44f2ce-2b57-4166-a4a7-f85b195cd5d5Post:7f5068e2-bd64-4d00-a68c-0f3ca193caea">Re: BENEFITS PROBLEM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BENEFITS PROBLEM : I am on Medicare and do get Social Security disability benefits due to Multiple Sclerosis.
Posted by dcamma[/QUOTE]

Yes please talk to a lawyer.  If you are getting Social Security Disability Insurance Benefits (Title II) you shouldn't lose them.  If, however, it is Supplemental Security Income (Title XVI) then those are means tested and your spouse income could effect your eligilblity.