Military Brides

change of wedding date?

My fiancee is deployed and wants to change our tenative wedding date (in 2012) to when he's on leave. I"m ambivalent. I'm only worried about the impact our being married might have post-deployment. I have two kids from a previous marriage (full custody) and he has three from his previous marriage (partial custody). My house-where we'll be living once married-has room for us all but I want to make sure that he still is able to have the space he might need to adjust. I need advice! All of the mliitary wives I know are going through their first deployment as well....

Re: change of wedding date?

  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure I understand what you're asking, but I can certainly see how a marriage that involves a deployed service member and children can be very complicated.

    How old are the children involved?  What is your relationship with his children?  Will you be having them in your home while he's deployed for partial custody?  All of these factors matter.

    If I were in your situation (the way I understand it), I would get married when it was right for everyone.  If there's no rush, then wait until he's back home.  If he's just missing you so he wants to get married sooner, that's not really a good reason to push the date up.  It'll probably be a lot more fun to actually be able to be together one you're married, rather than get married and be immediately separated again.  So I would probably wait until later.

    If the children are old enough to really understand what's going on, I'd sit down and talk to them about it and make it a family decision.  Especially if they'd be living with you part of the time, it's important that they're able to respect you as a parental figure because deployment will be hard enough.

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  • miriamhawsmiriamhaws
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    My kids are 5, 7. His are 4, 6, 8. Right now, I'm working 50+ hours a week so we only have "play dates" together. His kids come over and play for a few hours. I try to get us all together at least once every other week. However, with the holidays its been a little messed up. I"m hoping to be able to arrange something different with his kid's mom once the new year starts. I'll be working less then, and I know she's feeling frazzled. I think his kids view me as their friends' mom who is marrying their father right now. We get along well when they're over. They listen (as much as kids that age do) and when its time to leave they always ask when they can come over again, so i'm optimistic.

    However, your post does raise a good question. I should ask him why he wants and earlier date. When he requested the earlier date he stated that he was "just ready to be married" and "wanted to come home to me, not some aparment" So I think you hit the nail on the head, and he wants to move it because he's missing me.
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