Incommunicado

jackieandbilly

Sooo I know I'm lucky, since my fiance hasn't been deployed yet, and this will seem like nothing when he's gone for that amount of time. But the lack of communication when he's at his lab all day at school- classified stuff so no phones from like 6am to midnight ugh- is really getting frustrating. I'm 3000 miles away, the time difference sucks, and I can't talk when I want to! I think I dealt with it better when he was actually on subs for summer training or the other times he's been off the grid for like 6 weeks at a time. 

It just seems harder now, for some reason, with all the exciting wedding things going on and so much to discuss, that I can't reach him when I need to! And since he's only at grad school, not deployed, I have the expectation that I SHOULD get to talk to him whenever. Ah!!

Anyone else dealing with this? How often do you get to talk to your fiance?

calindi

My guy is a 2nd Lt in the Marines, and went to OCS in Summer '09 before starting law school and going Inactive Reserves until he graduates, when he'll become a JAG Officer.  So I haven't gone through a deployment yet either, and we're not wedding planning, but I do get how it can be frustrating to not be able to talk to them.

It helps me to remember that he's safe, he's doing his job, and to be proud of him.  I look at it like practice for deployments - mini periods of time when we can't communicate are an inconvenience that we have to get used to as long as he's in the service.

The hardest part is when you can't be there for each other when you need it - I hated the day I got a letter that started with "Let me first say I'm okay."  Ugh, you dread what comes after that!  He had H1N1, pneumonia, and had to be taken from the field by medics and was in the base hospital with fluids hooked up to his arm and tons of antibiotics.  I wanted to talk to him, but I knew a phone call would mean he had fallen too far behind and was kicked out of OCS, and would have to start again.  So I was so conflicted - I wanted to talk to him, but I wanted him to stay in.  It was really, truly a moment where I realized that I wanted him to succeed more than I needed to talk to him.  So I begged that the phone call wouldn't come.  And it didn't, and he graduated in the top 10 in his class.

Hang in there, and know that he probably wouldn't want too much to do with the wedding planning even if he was a civilian.  My guy wants to help with the menu, the music, and the honeymoon - and that's about it!

sarahewade

I know how you feel. My fiance is an Ensign in the Navy and currently stationed in Japan. We get to talk often (well, at least for 20-30 min a day) on weekends and for small snipets of time during weeddays. Usually we communicate my leaving each other messages on facebook or emails so that we don't have to worry about the 15 hour time difference. Right now isn't so bad, but he's going to be going out to sea for months and months of assignments soon and then I won't get to talk to him like I have been lately. 

Beforehand he was at the Naval Academy and that wasn't so bad either, the communication was as often as it is now in Japan (except with only a 1 hour difference), except when he would go off to sea or in subs for training during the summer.

Needless to say, I am *not* looking forward to these next several months with no way to contact him. I can deal with the distance, I just can't deal as well with the no talking!

jackieandbilly

sarahewade- what year did your fiance graduate? my fiance just graduated USNA this past may 2010, so he's an ensign too. I LOVE annapolis! I'm still at school in Baltimore, and I actually spent more time in Annapolis then I have in yucky bmore haha.

9doors

My fiance is an EOD tech in the Army and because of the unit he is with he often goes on various missions that I find out about after they have already left. The majority of the time I don't know where he is or what he is doing. Not to mention the incidents he goes on while they are home can be ummm...interesting. On top of it all, we're 1000 miles apart and I'm planning the wedding pretty much by myself. We try to chat once a day if we can coordinate our schedules and the time difference, but it's not fun being unable to share the planning. Hopefully he won't have to deploy again, but I see all this separation as practice just in case!

sarahewade

jackieandbilly - my fiance graduated in 2009 - and I know what you mean!! I love Annapolis too! The whole area is very beautiful, I'm hoping he'll get stationed near there next year or soon. Where is your fiance stationed right now?