Military Brides

Sea trials vs. wedding advice needed/vent

So my FH and I got engaged in Oct and set the wedding for the end of sept.Smile We thought that sea trials for his new sub would be over by then since commissioning is in oct, but now it has been pushed back a month and is expected to continue getting pushed. So we have had to move the wedding date to the beginning of May, up by 4 months. 
Not to mention that since we were engaged so late in the year, we waited on booking anything just to make it through the holidays, with as little stress as possible. Not knowing the boat was gonna end up behind schedule. Im at a loss, because FH isn't gonna be able to get time off during sea trials and his MCPO is of no help. His CHOP is trying to get schedule info for him, but the command has a clique issue among the officers, and he is not as in the know as he is supposed to be. The CHOP's wife(who was really helpful with advice new yrs eve) suggested I speak with the Ombudsmen, who can get me the schedule info since she is supposed to be having monthly meetings with the CO.
Neither one of us want a court house wedding, and we are even postponing a honeymoon. Also, waiting until after the sea trials are over is not an option cuz the boat is changing home port when the trials are done.
How else can we get info w/o getting FH in trouble? He is one of 2 senior enlisted PO's in his division w/ 2 E1's and as we get closer to trials, the less time he will have. We hired a wedding planner to help, but im worried that this change in wedding dating, which cuts four months of planning off, will be too much to handle and we wont have the wedding we hoped for. I dont even have a dress yet. The BP is small, just MOH and BestMan. And we are cutting corners every where we can in order to keep costs down. We are even going with an all-inclusive package offered from the venue we have chosen, that will save us $$, but doesnt gives us as many options we would like to have. We are paying for this ourselves, and his dad said he would contribute. My family is poor, due to bad economy in our area and my father isnt the type to help. (he gave my sister $100 for her wedding and said that was more than our older sibling got at her wedding, like he was doing her a favor).
 Im also afraid I wont get to experience a lot of things because of the lack of money within the family. I know bridal parties, and engagement parties and the like are all gifts and i am not entitled to have any of it done for me. But its a dream every girl dreams of. I have appreciated all the help my poor mom  and MOH(twin sister) can give me. I cant really expect for much else from anyone else, since the family dynamics among the extended family is strained (for other reasons.) Im just so worried that things aren't gonna work out.

Re: Sea trials vs. wedding advice needed/vent

  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Sea trials vs. wedding advice needed/vent:
    So my FH and I got engaged in Oct and set the wedding for the end of sept.  We thought that sea trials for his new sub would be over by then since commissioning is in oct, but now it has been pushed back a month and is expected to continue getting pushed. So we have had to move the wedding date to the beginning of May, up by 4 months.  Not to mention that since we were engaged so late in the year, we waited on booking anything just to make it through the holidays, with as little stress as possible. Not knowing the boat was gonna end up behind schedule. Im at a loss, because FH isn't gonna be able to get time off during sea trials and his MCPO is of no help. His CHOP is trying to get schedule info for him, but the command has a clique issue among the officers, and he is not as in the know as he is supposed to be. The CHOP's wife(who was really helpful with advice new yrs eve) suggested I speak with the Ombudsmen, who can get me the schedule info since she is supposed to be having monthly meetings with the CO. Neither one of us want a court house wedding, and we are even postponing a honeymoon. Also, waiting until after the sea trials are over is not an option cuz the boat is changing home port when the trials are done. How else can we get info w/o getting FH in trouble? He is one of 2 senior enlisted PO's in his division w/ 2 E1's and as we get closer to trials, the less time he will have. We hired a wedding planner to help, but im worried that this change in wedding dating, which cuts four months of planning off, will be too much to handle and we wont have the wedding we hoped for. I dont even have a dress yet. The BP is small, just MOH and BestMan. And we are cutting corners every where we can in order to keep costs down. We are even going with an all-inclusive package offered from the venue we have chosen, that will save us $$, but doesnt gives us as many options we would like to have. We are paying for this ourselves, and his dad said he would contribute. My family is poor, due to bad economy in our area and my father isnt the type to help. (he gave my sister $100 for her wedding and said that was more than our older sibling got at her wedding, like he was doing her a favor).  Im also afraid I wont get to experience a lot of things because of the lack of money within the family. I know bridal parties, and engagement parties and the like are all gifts and i am not entitled to have any of it done for me. But its a dream every girl dreams of. I have appreciated all the help my poor mom  and MOH(twin sister) can give me. I cant really expect for much else from anyone else, since the family dynamics among the extended family is strained (for other reasons.) Im just so worried that things aren't gonna work out.
    Posted by biddy429

    If at the end of the day you are married to the love of your ilfe, that's all that matters.  We were supposed to have gotten married this past New Year's Eve but because of changes we had to bump it up to this past July.  We planned the whole thing within 5 months, and we had a big wedding (200 people), so it's definitely possible.  We had to be flexible on dates when we changed it, but we went with a Friday wedding and had no problems.  If you are insistant on getting he wedding of your dreams before he goes, you just have to accept that things won't be exactly how you dreamed.  Decide the few things that are most important to you for your day and focus on getting those, and then be flexible on other things.

    I'm sorry your ombudsman isn't being helpful.  I have heard that far too many times.  Do they do any meetings for the spouses?  My H's ship has monthly meetings for the wives that give us details and info we would otherwise not be able to get.  GF's and FI's aren't able to come unless another wife brings them since it's on the base, but maybe you can find someone who goes if they do have the meetings.

    Does his sub or base have a FB page?  My H's ship has a FB page, and so does the wives group, and I have been able to find many people and lots of sources for information that way.  

    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • biddy429biddy429
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    Yes, Im invovlved with the FRG. When I moved in with FH, I became friends with a wife that eventually became the secretary of the FRG. The sub is not on an actual base yet, still at the shipyard, so our frg meetings are off base and easy to attend. I am also friends on FB with the FRG for the boat and get monthly emails as well. But its been mostly about making some $$ right now since its brand new, frg meetings just started in sept. The Ombudsmen has not attended, but the COB and CO attened the last meeting we had in Oct. The only thing we are really addament about is having an actual wedding, and have been pretty flexible with how things are going. 

    How should I approach this?
  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    Does your FI have anyone he can ask?  I know for us it's usually easier for me to get information though, at least when he is deployed.  What kind of timeline have you been given so far?  Have they given you any general timelines as to the schedule for that time?  We were just given a rough timeline for the next year and a half that was something like "mid january-mid february, out for exercises" (that is a completely made up example, I don't want to look like I'm violating OPSEC).  If we were trying to plan a wedding for next year, I have a pretty good idea of when we could safely have it.  We know when we can go on a vacation based on the schedule.  So if you have been given an idea like that, and know that May is safe for you, then I think you would be fine.  

    If you haven't gotten any of that information, you can try calling the Ombudsman directly.  You can probably find her contact info on the FB page, or from a meeting.  She may be a little skeptical to give out information to you since you aren't a wife (it sucks, I know), but perhaps you can just explain the situation and ask if May would be a good time.

    As soon as you know your date, have your FI put his leave request in ASAP (usually about 60 days before).  Ask your vendor what they will do for you if you have to change your date.  Ours moved our deposit and contract to our new date with no changes or fees.  Any vendors you contact make sure you ask them about military clauses, or what they will do if you have to change the date.  

    I hope that helps, let me know if you have any other questions.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    LIsten to Beach. She always gives great advice and she knows her stuff!! I think that every military Bride has to sacrifice a little bit, but in the end it will all work out and all work out well.Good Luck!!
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