Military Brides

Help....

Ok so I am 18 months from my wedding and my fiance just tells me he wants to change the date for our wedding so he can drink. Me personally I was planning a suprise while on our honeymoon that is now destroyed. Should I be upset or just let it go?

Re: Help....

  • What do you mean so he can drink? As in he's not 21 yet?

    Waiting will not hurt. Especially if he's not even 21 yet.

    How is the surprise ruined? You can't do the surprise later?
    image
  • Ditto all binx questions
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • I don't understand...
  • Well, this is confusing to me. I would also want to drink at my own wedding. You have a year and half to change it. I don't see a problem with that. You can't have too much set in stone? And, if he's military, I would assume you got got military clauses in everything, because otherwise thats quite far out to plan. 

    What kind of surprise is this that it can be ruined 18 months in advance? 
    image
  • If the suprise was illegal drinking then it's probably for the best! I knew a H & W who just got into trouble because the W was over 21 and had alcohol, and the H wasn't and when they moved (they were already living in Base Housing, but had to move into a new house still in Base Housing) and when the movers came they reported it and now he's in trouble.  They couldn't even prove that he had been drinking, but he is now on restriction.  Like had to move back into the barracks while his W sits in their home all because she could drink, and he coulnd't, and she didn't care enough to keep it out of her home until her H could legally drink.  Also, I'm a firm believer in being able to drink at your own wedding.

     If he (or you both) are under 21, it's best to wait.  I'm currently going through a divorce.  I was 22 and my STBXH was 26 when we got married, and our marriage lasted 13 months and 28 days (I just counted that out..).  I'm not saying that your marriage wont work out because you're young, mine didn't and though I don't blame my age, or the military for the end of my marriage, It didn't make things any easier.  We were both in the military and had been in for a while.  We'd been through deployments and even him being stationed overseas. I'm assuming that your FI is AD? How old are both of you? How long has be been in the military? What branch? Has he ever been deployed?  Have you ever been apart longer than him going to basic?

    Bottom line.. If he wants to push it back, be flexible.  You still have 18 months.  Give the boy what he wants.
    Photobucket
  • Listen to SamiJoe, she makes valid points!

    I also want to know what sort of surprises are planned 18 months in advance....
    Photobucket
  • Huh? This makes me very confused. Not sure what kind of surprise that can't be changed but whateves. I do think that you should listen to Sami's advise. Being married is hard. Being married in the military can be harder with training, deployments and other stuff that comes along with marriage. I don't see anything wrong with waiting like he wants.
  • I have no idea whattaheck this is about. 
  • I want someone to plan something 18 months in advance for me!! Since none of you have ANYTHING IMPORTANT going on (No weddings, No babies, No H's deploying or coming home or anything) someone start planning something for me!!  Wink

    Can we start making guesses at what the OP was planning now?!
    Photobucket
  • I'm with Sami, I got married at 20, and it's the only real regret I have. I wish I had dated my XH instead, and then broken up with him. I have a close friend who got married at the same age, is still with her H, and STILL wishes they had waited.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Haha! I'm guessing a fake ID lined up for your groom or something? ;-P

    I would definitely wait till your groom is of age. Some wedding receptions don't card, but I was just in a wedding where they did. I wouldn't risk it if I were you, but it depends on how much longer you'd have to wait to marry, too.

    18 months is a lot of notice, so let that work in your favor. And I would also advise waiting a little longer than his 21st so he can get the partying out of his system. Some of my guy friends really changed when they turned 21, so it might be beneficial to wait.

    I wish you guys the best of luck in your wedding planning! I'm sure whenever it happens, it'll be awesome =)
  • I just want to know the surprise...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • My guess is... Strippers and blow. It's so hard to reschedule that.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:14d0d1e1-e664-452d-b6ba-534f7e5cdd80Post:b9d8658a-eec6-499e-856c-b275bf00e8b8">Re: Help....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I want someone to plan something 18 months in advance for me!! Since none of you have ANYTHING IMPORTANT going on (No weddings, No babies, No H's deploying or coming home or anything) someone start planning something for me!!  Can we start making guesses at what the OP was planning now?!
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

    Sami- I think I can handle that...homecoming isn't for awhile.  I can use it as a distraction during this deployment.  HAAA <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    As far as OP...I read the post again and I am still super confused.  HAAA
  • I'd disagree with some of the posts here.  My fiance and I are in our later 20's and will not be drinking at our wedding anyway.  We'd love to get married sooner than we will be, but his deployment schedule doesn't allow it.  Your wedding should be about committing to the man/woman you love and beginning your lives together.  That commitment is more important than what beverages he consumes at the event.  I'd recomend talking with him about the issue and seeing if this isn't an excuse for other concerns. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:14d0d1e1-e664-452d-b6ba-534f7e5cdd80Post:20003698-6922-41d7-9945-ab159cb53792">Re: Help....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd disagree with some of the posts here.  My fiance and I are in our later 20's and will not be drinking at our wedding anyway.  We'd love to get married sooner than we will be, but his deployment schedule doesn't allow it.  Your wedding should be about committing to the man/woman you love and beginning your lives together.  That commitment is more important than what beverages he consumes at the event.  I'd recomend talking with him about the issue and seeing if this isn't an excuse for other concerns. 
    Posted by Tucker Wedding 2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're right. The wedding is about both man and woman. HE is asking her to push it back. </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • Tucker, I don't think the actual issue of being able to consume alcohol is what people are talking about. It's more of the fact that if you can't even legally drink alchohol at your wedding, that means you're quite young, and perhaps they should wait.
    image
  • Yeah tucker the analogy we are trying to make is that if you can't legally drink at your wedding postponing it is probably a good idea anyway.
    image
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    Well, if we are going off avatar pics, she looks quite a bit older than him.  There's nothing wrong with that.  MH is 5 years younger than me.  However, 20 is pretty young.  I wasn't old enough to drink at my first wedding.  My mom snuck me a glass of champagne for our toast instead of the sparkling grape juice the reception hall gave me.  Yay for awesome moms but I seriously give my younger self a side eye very often. 
    If he wants to wait, I don't see the big deal. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:14d0d1e1-e664-452d-b6ba-534f7e5cdd80Post:2111a4ea-aabb-45e1-b937-01256d44f0f6">Re: Help....</a>:
    [QUOTE]What do you mean so he can drink? As in he's not 21 yet? Waiting will not hurt. Especially if he's not even 21 yet. How is the surprise ruined? You can't do the surprise later?
    Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well I had planned on him and I going out on our honeymoom. we dont normally drink so i was going to make it extremely special. personally i dont want our first night as husband and wife for him to be trashed that is definately how i DONT want our marriage to start.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:14d0d1e1-e664-452d-b6ba-534f7e5cdd80Post:20003698-6922-41d7-9945-ab159cb53792">Re: Help....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd disagree with some of the posts here.  My fiance and I are in our later 20's and will not be drinking at our wedding anyway.  We'd love to get married sooner than we will be, but his deployment schedule doesn't allow it.  Your wedding should be about committing to the man/woman you love and beginning your lives together.  That commitment is more important than what beverages he consumes at the event.  I'd recomend talking with him about the issue and seeing if this isn't an excuse for other concerns. 
    Posted by Tucker Wedding 2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I am much older than my fiance and I myself dont plan on drinking. illegal drinking is a no go. i had planned on taking him out while on our honeymoon and doing something special. We put it 18 months out cuz he deploys for 9months in Dec and i want a real wedding not a jp wedding. i love my fiance with all my heart and never expected to meet someone like him after losing a previous husband several years ago. i know all about deployments and training, i myself am prior military and was raised by a military parent.</div>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards