Military Brides

Setting dates and making plans despite the military...

My FI is in the military and I'm having a hard time settling on a date for the wedding, since nothing seems to be guarenteed for him.  He is currently at his A School on the other side of the country and *should* have 2 weeks off between his graduation and next duty station, so we're leaning towards having the wedding then.  But thats assuming his grad date doesn't change and he does get the time off.  After that, there's no way to guarentee that he'll get to take leave for a specific date, or that that leave won't get revoked because of whatevers going on in the world in 2012...

How have you all handled picking a date? And what are your recomendations for wedding insurance, military clauses, etc.?  Additionally, how can we prepare out of town guests for the possibility of last minute changes, especially those who have to book flights?

Re: Setting dates and making plans despite the military...

  • olavarriaktolavarriakt
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I had the same problem when it came to picking a wedding date. My fiancée is currently deployed and his homecoming date changed a number of times before this final one which actually seems like the one they're sticking with lol. We had a hard time picking the date even after knowing when he'll be home because, like you said earlier, we didn't know what his leave would be like. We finally decided the best choice for us would be making the wedding on a holiday weekend that the government   acknowledges so that we would know for sure he'd be off. Our wedding's on May 28th, part of Memorial Weekend. I don't know if something like that would work for you guys but I hope this helps. 

    =] 
  • LuluP82LuluP82
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011

    Ok, I'm a bit of a bearer of bad news here...

    It's hard to plan that far in advance if you have no certainty. We planned (i.e. put deposits down and such) only 4 months out, becuase we had a better idea of when H would be able to take leave. Even so, we didn't know until about 30 days out that he would for sure have that time off. And for sure for sure, not until like the week of. It adds stress, definitely.

    Most vendors will work with you and at least have a clause on there that you won't lose your money (or at least not all of it) if you just move the date. Of course, you have to be VERY flexible-- you'd have to move the date to whatever they have available at the time you cancel.

    I looked into insurance and wasn't able to find ANYTHING. Most places require that you have a signed order from the CO that your FI has the wedding day off. If he does get deployed or something after having leave approved, then you do have insurance. HOWEVER-- you have to have that piece of paper if your FI is military. TO us that was totally worthless because H was at TBS when we were planning, and going to check in at a new duty station after he was done (like you, we did it in the time in between school and duty station). I guess if you're in a normal command, maybe someone will give you a piece of paper guaranteeing leave? But I can't imagine they'd do that a year out, regardless. So insurance is useless.

    The best thing to do is to be flexible. We told OOT guests (we have family all over the world, literally) about 6 months out our date range, just so they sort of knew what we were thinking and could save up. At 4 months out, we bit the bullet and put down a venue deposit, and then sent out STD emails.

    But really...it was a gamble!

    I wanted a year long engagement and time to plan and for showers and whatnot, but in the end, we just did what we could.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • kara811kara811
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2011
    Not everyone that graduates from A school always have the break in between. When my FI and sister both finished A school, they didn't have time in between, it was power school right away for them. So until you know for sure that your FI will get that break I would plan cautiously. 

    The date has been the hardest aspect with the wedding planning. We had to change our date a couple of times due to changes in FI's deployment schedule. I didn't start booking a venue and vendors til we figured out a date that would work best, when FI's ship is definitely in port. So we ended up having a much longer engagement(1 1/2 year) than we had originally planned on. Sometimes it's better just wait and see how his schedule is at his new station. 

    Like PP said, make sure the vendors you book have military clauses in them. That you can change the date when need be and you won't be losing out on money, and if only a little. As for your guests, always let them know what is going on. If dates need to be changed then send out announcements, make phone calls. 

    Good Luck! 
  • kara811kara811
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Setting dates and making plans despite the military...:
    I hear you guys about the difficulty of setting the date!! I guess I've been lucky because my FI is at Naval Postgrad right now in Monterey- he will graduate end of September and then he goes to Sub School in Charleston, SC but we have NO idea when that will be. We have the wedding for Oct 8 ( columbus day wknd so a lot of his military friends will have the long wknd) because he's hoping he won't have to go to next duty station so close after graduating. But you never know, it was not a good night when we were talking about dates and how little notice the Navy likes to give people...good luck to everyone planning despite the military date debacles!! Also...I'm having trouble with my signature, does anyone know any tricks to get the picture to show up instead of the website? Hmm...
    Posted by jackieandbilly

    You need the HTML code. I see you're using photobucket, they've got the html code there too. 

  • edited December 2011
    I hear you guys about the difficulty of setting the date!! I guess I've been lucky because my FI is at Naval Postgrad right now in Monterey- he will graduate end of September and then he goes to Sub School in Charleston, SC but we have NO idea when that will be. We have the wedding for Oct 8 ( columbus day wknd so a lot of his military friends will have the long wknd) because he's hoping he won't have to go to next duty station so close after graduating. But you never know, it was not a good night when we were talking about dates and how little notice the Navy likes to give people...good luck to everyone planning despite the military date debacles!!

    Also...I'm having trouble with my signature, does anyone know any tricks to get the picture to show up instead of the website? Hmm...
    Nimi and Little Bite Photobucket
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Setting dates and making plans despite the military...:
    I hear you guys about the difficulty of setting the date!! I guess I've been lucky because my FI is at Naval Postgrad right now in Monterey- he will graduate end of September and then he goes to Sub School in Charleston, SC but we have NO idea when that will be. We have the wedding for Oct 8 ( columbus day wknd so a lot of his military friends will have the long wknd) because he's hoping he won't have to go to next duty station so close after graduating. But you never know, it was not a good night when we were talking about dates and how little notice the Navy likes to give people...good luck to everyone planning despite the military date debacles!! Also...I'm having trouble with my signature, does anyone know any tricks to get the picture to show up instead of the website? Hmm...
    Posted by jackieandbilly

    I just gave you advice on siggies in your other thread. :)

    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • edited December 2011
    Thans for all your responses!  Its good to know that this is a common problem.  The holiday weekend idea sounds smart so now we're looking into pushing it up to labor day or columbus day weekend this fall, which seem to be as close to a guarentee as we're going to get.  Plus, that way the military will pay for my move to his next duty station.  I'll definately look into military clauses, because that sounds like it could be helpful.  ITs disappointing that the insurance is so difficult to secure.
    Thanks again!
  • KatyBug513KatyBug513
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I also feel your plan with planning a date, thats all I keep getting asked, do you have a date yet? I only have a time frame, lol. I know he gets leaves in July's and December's but even that's not guarenteed. He is at least back from Afghanistan, so I have that on my side but he's stationed in Italy, so it's hard to pick a date. Especially knowing that even his post deployment leave was up in the air 2 days before he was supposed to leave to come home for 30 days.

    I'm hoping through talking to you girls on here and other girls that I've met that are wives of his buddies also stationed in Italy that I can figure out some way of doing this since I heard the first place to start is the venue which is impossible to book when I don't have a date to book for, lol.
    -Katy
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  • edited December 2011
    I am totally in the same situation. My fiance is in the Navy and doesn't have much time where we can plan a wedding in. We are planning on getting married in June so we have really got to get moving on planning lol. As far as dates goes...you need to have options. Look at when he is free and then write them down. See out of those dates which ones he would likely get leave on. Our wedding days have been anytime between May and June so you just need to work with what you have, yet at the same time if it were to change make it so that the rest of your planning shouldnt have to as well. 
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