Military Brides

Picking a date...that suits the Navy

Hi all, so I'm recently engaged and my FI and I are trying to set a BASIC timeline for ourselves. As in how many years we will be engaged.

I'm applying for Officer Candidate School (my life goal thus far) with the Navy in the hopes of going within a year after my graduation May 2013. I won't likely find out before December 2012 if/when I go. Also, I had promised my mother when I was a little girl I would not marry before I graduate college, however if I had her blessing to do so I could have my wedding before then with a clean conscience.

To top it off my brother, who sits in the "will not get married without him at the wedding" variety, is newly stationed in Guam AND is a sub. If I can give him at least 6 months warning he may be able to work his sea duties around my wedding but if he's on sea duty there is no chance of attendance. That's just not how subs work.

I will have lots of help from family and friends to plan as they all love planning big events, but I'm worried about the cost of putting a wedding together in a rush due to late notice on a date for the post-graduation, pre-OCS. As far as post training I would have more money and more time, but my FI will not be permitted to live on base and I will have to ask permission to marry, which I cannot guarantee I get. Plus it will then become a destination wedding, we want to get married at a family friends home in Colorado, regardless of where I get stationed.

Finally, we have discussed marrying in the court and having a wedding later so that he can live on base with me once I’m in my BOAT training and I won’t run the risk of not receiving permission to marry, which I doubt will happen but it is a risk.

We're asking family and friends as well as a lot of personal thought but I want to hear what strangers think about this whole problem.

PersonalMilestone

Re: Picking a date...that suits the Navy

  • OnoyuOnoyu member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Hi all, so I'm recently engaged and my FI and I are trying to set a BASIC timeline for ourselves. As in how many years we will be engaged.

    I'm applying for Officer Candidate School (my life goal thus far) with the Navy in the hopes of going within a year after my graduation May 2013. I won't likely find out before December 2012 if/when I go. Also, I had promised my mother when I was a little girl I would not marry before I graduate college, however if I had her blessing to do so I could have my wedding before then with a clean conscience.

    To top it off my brother, who sits in the "will not get married without him at the wedding" variety, is newly stationed in Guam AND is a sub. If I can give him at least 6 months warning he may be able to work his sea duties around my wedding but if he's on sea duty there is no chance of attendance. That's just not how subs work.

    I will have lots of help from family and friends to plan as they all love planning big events, but I'm worried about the cost of putting a wedding together in a rush due to late notice on a date for the post-graduation, pre-OCS. As far as post training I would have more money and more time, but my FI will not be permitted to live on base and I will have to ask permission to marry, which I cannot guarantee I get. Plus it will then become a destination wedding, we want to get married at a family friends home in Colorado, regardless of where I get stationed.

    Finally, we have discussed marrying in the court and having a wedding later so that he can live on base with me once I’m in my BOAT training and I won’t run the risk of not receiving permission to marry, which I doubt will happen but it is a risk.

    We're asking family and friends as well as a lot of personal thought but I want to hear what strangers think about this whole problem.

    PersonalMilestone
  • OnoyuOnoyu member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Ow wow, thanks for mentioning that, I had missed it. Is there a way to move this?

    PersonalMilestone
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Do not get married to live together. It's not worth it. My life's goal is to be a Marine, and I have had to put it off until I get married (because FI is already in, and we're not going to violate the UCMJ). It's been hard, they took away his single rate BAH, and he had to move back on base. But it was better than rushing our relationship or wedding. If you're going to be in the military, then you'll both learn you won't always get to live together when you want.

    Congrats on your engagement, and good luck on your path towards serving!
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wait until you are finished with your initial training.  There are many hardships and issues you deal with being married in the military that you don't deal with in the civilian world.  Test the waters as an engaged Navy couple before you jump head first in as a married couple. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_picking-datethat-suits-navy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:20e7a631-3275-4793-96dd-c0efc7db735bPost:15a08110-79b1-4672-8198-a9755554ea4d">Re: Picking a date...that suits the Navy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait until you are finished with your initial training.  There are many hardships and issues you deal with being married in the military that you don't deal with in the civilian world.  Test the waters as an engaged Navy couple before you jump head first in as a married couple. 
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this.  </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Wait until your training is over to start planning and setting the date. Your life is going to totally change and you need time to adjust to that. There is no need to rush to get married before all this. Best wishes!
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Wait. Just Wait. I promise, it will work out better in the long run.
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011

    Wait, wait, wait!!!  Life is gonna get crazy for ya - why add to it with wedding planning or being a new wife! I followed my fiancé at the time overseas, I lived in town with him on the base for over a year, we didn’t rush into anything, and just celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary.  He can live near you and support you through everything without rushing into marriage.  I agree with pp that if you court marry the event following would be called a vow renewal but I TOTALLY disagree that it has none of the usual ‘wedding stuff’!!!!  Especially when military!  I can see if you just elope to elope you don’t get the big wedding/vow renewal thing but with military you normally ‘elope’ out of need not want so why shouldn’t you get it all!

    Our story: hubby in Navy, wedding planned for early 2002, 9.11 happened, leave pulled, wedding called off (thankfully all but 1 deposit back), 6 months later married -  just him & I with pastor overseas - because we were ready to not out of need, planned vow renewal for summer ’03 - again leave pulled (this time all deposits returned), began planning vow renewal for 8yr (sick family member) than decided to not rush and now planning AGAIN for next year - our 10 yr wedding anniversary.  While I’m not doing a princess puff dress (not my style) I am getting a wedding dress, we are also doing a cake and my dad and our little man walking me down the aisle.  I personally think you make the day what is special to you and don’t worry about others.

    Good luck with your choice and best wishes on the Navy!

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