Military Brides
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So I'm confused...

This isn't a vent or a rant, or anything like that. I'm just so confused at the moment that I need to talk about it and maybe get someone else's opinion on the situation.

I'm extremley close w/ my FI's step mother and father, but I don't really have a relationship to speak of w/ his mother. For that matter, he has never had that much of a relationship w/ her, either. And the few times that I have been able to be around her, she always seemed more resentful of me and the relationship I have my FI and rebuffed my attempts at conversation. And when we got engaged, she told him he was throwing his life away if he married me. So last I heard, MIL-to be and my FI weren't really getting along.

Then out of the blue yesterday, I got a friend request from her on FB and an invite to go along w/ her and her step mother (whom I don't know at all) to go to Hawaii in May and visit my FI. There are all these other considerations like can we afford it, and leaving my job, and it's only six weeks before the wedding, but I can't decide if she is genuinely trying to extend the olive branch or if there's an ulterior motive. I am the type of girl that always looks for the best in people, so it isn't necessarily like me to be suspicious, but...up until now it's been pretty negative. But that being said, I think it's really important to try and build a bridge there not just for myself but for my FI, as well.

Has anyone else ever had any similar situations, or MIL experiences?
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Re: So I'm confused...

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    Never had any experience like this because my FILs really like me. But, I would say that if you can afford it and can take off from work, go for it. Try to assume that she is indeed extending the olive branch. If she does have some other motive, well that's on her, and she'll only be further ruining her relationship with you and her son.
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    I have never been in that position since I do get along with my in-laws.  I would however tread lightly.  You do not want to offend however you do not want to be stuck some where and be totally unhappy.  Have you talked to your FI about it?
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    I don't know.  I guess the question comes down to whether you'd want to go regardless and give it a shot.  If your FI is anything like mine (who also doesn't have a good relationship with his Mom) then he'll take your side in a heartbeat if any conflict comes up.

    Why is she going to visit him?  Is he okay with her visiting?  It might be that she wants to see him, and thinks that because he's mad at her that the only way she'd get to see him is if she brings you along.

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    My FI and I have chatted about it briefly, but haven't had time to have a long drawn out talk due to the schedule he is on right now that has us at opposites most of the time. I know that he wants me to come, and I know that I want to go, bc I covet any time I can get to see him. I haven't seen him since the day after we got engaged.

    Regardless, I really, really want to go. I truly do want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but my guard is still up on this because...well, I only have past experiences to judge by. Cali, a part of me does think that one of the reasons she invited me along is bc she knows she has a far better chance of a good reception from him if I am there with her. Their relationship has always been strained at best.

    I mean, the thought of a 14 hour plane ride coming and going with this woman kind of terrifies me, not to mention the day time hours when he's working because I know he can't take the week off what with the wedding coming so shortly after. I'm worried that it could get awkward, uncomfortable, etc., but at the same time I feel like I should try to get to know her and build some kind of relationship for my FI's sake. And plus I hate conflict. If I can find a way to help smooth things between them, and between her and myself I would gladly do so.
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    Sounds like very valid reasons to go, if you can justify the cost and the vacation time.  Just be the bigger person and know that any conflict she brings up, you can stand your ground.  Likely she'll be on her best behavior as she wants to see her son, and she knows that part of that is to play nice with you.  It's great that he's made that clear - it makes your life easier in the long run.

    And you should plan activities to do on your own there so you don't have to spend all your time with her.  Heck, just bring a few books and tell her you just want to sit on the beach!

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